For those who would never let a baby cry it out. What's mu next option?

[BoobiesToTheRescue]

Bedtime at 6.30pm last night. He was exhausted and I couldn't make it much later by 11.15pm he had woken between 10-15 times, roughly every 15 minutes. The rest of the night was horrific. Nights have been mainly horrific most of his life.
He's 13 weeks breast feeding and I've eliminated all top allergy food groups for 2 months now.

He's breastfed and I've followed a routine by Little Ones so I know he's getting a near-as-damnit good amount of sleep during the day.
So I've tried:

-making very sure he's not over or under tired
-sleep cues, darkness, white noise, swaddle
-strict bath and bed wind down routine
-feeding to sleep (refuses to feed after a while)
-patting a shushing
-rocking to sleep
-cuddle to sleep
-buggy/car seat (the second the movement stops he's awake).
-co-sleeping
-own cot
-swing chair
-meds for reflux
-pain meds in case it was teething or other pain
-raising the mattress
-swaddle
-checked room temperature
-dry nappy

• skin is good, no hair tourniquets
• dummy (rejects)
• clothes that smell like me

-muslin with my milk I've tried more besides these are just the obvious one

Last night I'd exhausted every avenue, he won't sleep on me so just getting up and sitting in the rocking chair with him doesn't work.
Eventually I lay next him him with him crying and he fell asleep.
Then he woke 2 mins later and cried again. So that doesn't even work.

This is absolute hell.

Just wanted to respond so you don't feel alone! I haven't got much by way of advice cos that's one end of parenting I cant say I've ever been good at, mine all fell asleep un my arms. I would say though, 2 months of waking as he does doesn't sound normal to me. Have you taken him to your GP/HV? Does he nap at all during the day? Or is It possible hes going through a sleep regression early maybe?

I know its hell at this stage, it does get easier though, hang in there.

Oh op that does sound rough! On both of you! My first born was exactly like this, I still don't know how I survived it. Just muddled my way through and did whatever worked so we could both sleep.

You mentioned he sleeps in a buggy but stops the moment the movement stops. I know they can be expensive but it might be worth buying or borrowing one of those rocking swing seats. If it means he gets a couple of decent sleeps, you've got a much better chance of getting him into the habit of going to sleep and staying asleep, so you can gradually transition him to sleeping in a cot later on.

It is hellish though, when you have gotba baby that won't sleep. Do u have a partner or a friend who can take him for a nice loooong walk in his buggy today? Chances are he'll sleep the whole walk as he'll be knackered, and you can get a decent sleep at home.

Sleep deprivation is horrible, but hang in there, it DOES get better xxx

Could it be colic? Sorry I'm not sure if bf babies are winded like ff xx

Swing chair was on the list I mentioned.

We have tried 4 different makes. I've got him to sleep in one but I can set my watch by him, he will last exactly 30 minutes and wake up.

I'm just looking up sleep consultant now, because this is horrific.

We have been the doctors and he sleeps fine during the day. Sometimes that's shit as well but yesterday he had great naps which is why I thought night would be good.

He does get winded and I don't think it's coloc. He used to have that.

How did you go about checking he isn't allergic to something? It takes months to go through the elimination process. As you somethings can stay in your milk and in his system for ages after you have both had it.

I'd honestly start the allergy elimination process again. It can take upto 4 weeks to get a baby feeling right after eliminating the allergy food.

One allergy food at a time starting with milk, egg, soya foods and then moving on from there. But cut one out for a good month to see if you get a happier baby. Its a very long drawn out process.

Babies feed at night because your prolactin is higher, this boosts your supply. Is there any way you can bring him into bed, feed on demand, and catch up on sleep during the day for a few days?

I found this website helpful:

www.basisonline.org.uk

I'd honestly start the allergy elimination process again.

I didn't say I had stopped. I stopped the main allergens two months ago. I never put them back in my diet.
My diet is ridiculously restricted.

If you put the cot right next to the bed, what's the difference in mattress height? I had one who sounds very similar. I would put the cot right next to the sofa, stick my arm through the bars of the cot and try to sleep. I was too exhausted to take him out on me to rock him to sleep. But for comfort and to stop your arm hurting, you need the thing you're sleeping on to be the same height as the cot mattress.

Some babies just don't sleep whatever you try. Some do and gurgle at you and fall asleep as soon as you put them down without you doing anything at all.

But he isn't feeding st night. If only!!!!

He's crying. If I could stick boob in to fix it, I wouldn't need to post.

There's currently no cot. That didn't work whatsoever.

But we obviously have tried the cot! The lack of cot has not caused this.

He's currently SCREAMING next to me. Desperate to sleep.

Ok, you say he rejected a dummy, how many types have you tried and does he take any expressed milk at all?

Have you tried putting him to bed earlier? Is he overtired by 6.30?

Have you tried a baby sheepskin for him to sleep on? They used to use them in NICU (May still do so) as babies find them soothing. We used them for our DD and she loved it. Might be worth a try?

No solution, but it DOES end. He won't still be crying like this when he's forty, I promise. (I remember telling myself quite literally that with DS). Miserably some babies sleep, some don't, and I really don't believe parental activity has an awful lot of influence.

I absolutely didn't believe in crying it out, and never did it, but I also think you need to consider your own mental health. A baby who cries it out is better off than one whose mother can't cope. I had family who let me sleep while they managed the baby some. That was how I survived my first - just. If you don't have that, you have to prioritise yourself, because it's the old putting your oxygen mask on first principle.

With some things, parenthood isn't about what you should do. It's about what you can stand. This too shall pass, but you need to be in more or less one piece when it does. If you can just pat and hush while he cries himself to sleep, then I'd do that. If not, get a sleep consultant involved, but also accept that your survival matters.

I send sympathy. It's hell. But it is finite and you will get to the other end.

Is he just tired and restless when he cries, or does he draw his knees up as if he has pains in his tummy?

I'm not suggesting there is an instant cure, but Infacol before every feed made a difference for us, plus gentle baby massage after his bath may help. Also don't just let him sleep in the day, he should be put in his cot for a nap in the morning for 1-2 hours, and in the afternoon for the same.

Get him out in his pram for a walk in the fresh air, talk to him, play with him, so he knows that day is different from night. If he wakes at night, speak softly to him and keep the lights off or low.

I used to find feeding at 11pm the absolute worst, as I naturally wanted to be asleep by 10pm myself, I didn't mind getting up in the small hours as much. I used to express so that DH could do that feed.

What happens if you put his thumb in his mouth?

Lots of things that people are asking I addressed in the OP.

I've tried countless dummies. He used to take Mam ones if forced but hasn't for some time.
I'm not sure how expressed milk would help tbh.

He bites it. I've tried. He's on the brink of being (or not being!) a thumb sucker. I'm WILLING the thumb sucking!

How is he crying - is it just cross yelling, or is there any pain indicators? Drawing up of knees, writhing etc

Is it a painful cry, what meds did you try for reflux? Has he seen a consultant?

Does he sleep better slightly propped up during the day? Babies don't need to posset or vomit with silent reflux and it is woefully under diagnosed.

I understand that when you get this tired suggestions may seem trite but a GP cant always prescribe the right meds.

I remember reading that waking every 10-15 mins is a sign of being over tired. Have you tried making bedtime earlier?

If he’s ok during the day and there are no other symptoms (rashes, horrible nappies) then I would rule out allergies and stop restricting your diet. I had a baby with a dairy allergy so I know how horrific restricted diets are.

Be careful with sleep consultants. The kind of routines they follow tend to be designed for formula fed babies who generally wake less and can go for longer with feeding.

He kicks like a mofo. I've never had a child kick as hard as him. I have toe size bruises all up and down my thighs. He's currently kicking me in the boobs.

But actual drawing up of the knees? I don't think he does that.

And it's a pissed off grissle that will crescend into wails of self pity.
I'm not sure if it's pain.

But what if I'm wrong and it is?