to ask my sister to let my daughter live with her?

[EleanorEclipse]

My daughter is 22 and she graduated last year. We live in Manchester and she's received a fabulous job offer in London. Unfortunately, despite the job being closely aligned with her professional interests and providing an excellent first step into her chosen industry, the salary isn't really enough to sustain her in London (we've looked at rents, even for small or shared rooms) and I'm not in a position to help her, as much as I'd love to. My sister lives in Ealing though. She has a big, 4 bedroomed house and lives alone (she's 55 and divorced, no kids). We're not super close but we've always got on and been on good terms, although we're very different people: she was much more career-orientated than me.
I would like to ask my sister whether my daughter could live with her for a year or two. AIBU? And if not, how do you recommend I go about it? It seems like the perfect solution, and it's a big house so it's not as though they'd be in living each other's pockets.

Yeah I was going to agree you should just pitch it to your sister but then your next post just fell into cheeky fucker territory.

OP where are you.......................................................................?

But what if the aunt has long ago "moved to single living" and has no desire to move back? It's not all about what the niece wants...

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM???

I am 50 something and i would love to have any of my nieces or my nephew live with me.

Family is family. We're together through thick and thin.

I don't think life is "i am better than you bc i carried water up the hill backwards in a heat wave."

I worked hard my entire life, on my own in younger days. I have lived out of my car bc of high prices and frightening roommates.

If my dc or dns want to share my life while getting on their feet, i would be sincerely happy to help bc all that "character building" that i went through was bc i did NOT have anyone who loved me.

Everybody has a bag of rocks to carry.

Calm down. There's nothing wrong wth being helped or helping.

It would help OPs dd be more successful bc she would be safe and warm.

Hufff.

I think your sister would have offered if she was remotely up for it.

"How lovely! I'll be able to meet her lunch and little shopping trips". I didn't tell her about the rent/salary situation.

Doesn’t sound like she wants company. If that was my niece I’d have asked where she would be staying / can I help etc but you don’t ask you don’t get. Maybe, ask if you could stay with her whilst you’re in London. You never know she might offer it. Good luck.

1-2 years?
Maybe a couple of months til she finds her feet would be a reasonable request.
She’ll not be the only person in London on a low wage.

Why not look at the other end of the central line - Debden would be cheaper than most of London, and nicer

"There are some potential benefits for the sister. The offer of rent for a start to help with some hefty large house running costs, having a house sitter if she goes away.....company?

All of which she could achieve with a lodger, but she hasn't taken one. There is a reason for that."

Some people would be happy to have someone they know lodging with them, but not a stranger so the fact that the aunt doesn't already have a lodger doesn't necessarily mean she wouldn't want a member of the family lodging with her.

If I were you I wouldn't encourage this - even if your sister does agree (and for a few weeks - months/years is an outrageous request!) this will end in tears given that your daughter has already rushed ahead to thinking of inviting people over!!! Your daughter sounds like she has a bit of growing up to do before she can be let loose staying at anyone's house for more than 3 nights.

Your sister didn't even offer for your daughter to stay for a few days/weeks while she looked for a place to rent, let along for longer ....there's your answer.

I am 50 something and i would love to have any of my nieces or my nephew live with me.

Why not message the OP and offer to have her daughter to stay with you?

And - top secret - not everyone has to think the same as you.

Don't forget 20k less pension and student loan. It will probably be more like 1100 a month. I imagine she really would struggle in London. Most of my friends pay 800 minimum for a room.

Most people working in london rent a room and its perfectly “sustainable” in London. Yes you might need to cut down on spending.
I would not accomodate permanently any of my relatives. Ok for a week or two but no longer longing. No pleas of poverty please - its like more rich have to accomodate more poor or something?!! How bizarre. It will be good reality check for your daughter to see how much life costs and be independent or to understand that her wish to live and work in London on miniscule salary is just not very “sustainable” and aunties are not there to be cheap landlords and to provide lush capital living.

So bizarre self entitled thinking. I would be mortified if relatives expected to house them just because they “cant sustain themselves”?!!

Shared in London for several years when I first moved here and loved it. Would have hated to live with a middle aged aunt. Ealing is a pricey area, not just the property but people with money live in those houses so facilities etc. are priced accordingly.
Cut your coat according to your cloth.

DD should ask emphasising that her DA can say no, with no expectation of saying why. Your sister could be a good stop gap to allow your DD to find her feet as well as finding somewhere else to live. Of course rent etc should be paid to DA.

I’m a divorced aunt, no kids, own home, nice area etc and I’d bloody dread being asked to house someone for a couple of years. ‘Bring her friends round’? Fuck right off!

If I was in that position I think I'd be glad of the company and a younger person around and could always say no if I wanted to.
Personally, I'd say yes, but for whatever reason others would say no, there's no harm in asking.

If it was me I would jump at the chance of having my niece but sadly it’s not . I noted you put “ she’d enjoy having her friends round’ I think renting a room from someone, even if it’s family , and taking over someone’s house are two different things .
I understand that your daughter has friends but you can’t expect your sister , who you say lives on her own, to have your daughters friends round . I think some ground rules would have to be established even before you even ask your sister. If it was me I’d hate to think I was being taken for granted.
Ask your sister but don’t be offended if she says “no” but also tell her she should not feel obliged to take your daughter in.
It’s difficult, I know, but at the same time you have to understand your sister has lived on her own and she may just like it that way .

I totally agree

Shared in London for several years when I first moved here and loved it. Would have hated to live with a middle aged aunt. Ealing is a pricey area, not just the property but people with money live in those houses so facilities etc. are priced accordingly.
Cut your coat according to your cloth.

@MachinicianMagician
£400/month flat in Islington in 2016
a month?
I don't believe it

If I asked that of my elder sister she would never let me forget it. If your sister lives alone she will lose her 25% single occupancy allowance for Council Tax. She would most probably have to pay tax on the income, not much of a problem in itself, except she might not want to fill in all the extra paperwork involved in notifying the Council and HMRC and unless she is self employed it might be a problem that she would not welcome. Just because she is a relative does not mean she should lost money. If she has a mortgage she will have to notify the lender, and if she has insurance on the property she will have to notify them as well. It might not be cheaper, and it is hard for someone who has chosen to live alone to refuse to share a house and food and all that involves. Your daughter will not be able to treat the house as hers when it comes to entertaining, and certainly she will have to pay a premium over and above the home insurance if strangers are going to be visiting frequently.

Relatives should not buy and sell with one another. It causes frictions and bad feelings and will eventually split the family.
There are organisations - HOMESHARE - who for a monthly fee of £200 from the lodger and £100 from the - usually elderly - homeowner for matching up younger people looking for a home: £50 a week for your daughter.

has op come back yet?

I would do anything for my nieces if and when the time comes and I’m not at all close to my brothers at all.
Like I always say there’s no harm in asking when it comes to family. You never know it may even bring you all closer if she accepts your daughter to stay with her.
Why don’t you try going for lunch with your sister and your daughter and talking about it together, it may seem better if your altogether talking through everything.
It’s not unreasonable when it’s family, you should be able to lean on family at times.

I mentioned the job to my sister and her reply was "How lovely! I'll be able to meet her lunch and little shopping trips"

I would think that at THAT point, if your sister was at all inclined to have your dd she would have questioned you further on her situation and offered to have her. She didn't so I wouldn't ask.
Even though it's been said a million times that she is under no obligation to say no, surely we all know it's not that easy. The boards are full of people who have a problem doing just that.
Don't do it to your sister. You've given her the opportunity to offer, she didn't take it. Leave it at that. If you really want to test the waters a little further without being a CF, ask her for advice on where your dd should be looking to live. That will give you a final indication of whether your sister is open to it