to ask my sister to let my daughter live with her?

[EleanorEclipse]

My daughter is 22 and she graduated last year. We live in Manchester and she's received a fabulous job offer in London. Unfortunately, despite the job being closely aligned with her professional interests and providing an excellent first step into her chosen industry, the salary isn't really enough to sustain her in London (we've looked at rents, even for small or shared rooms) and I'm not in a position to help her, as much as I'd love to. My sister lives in Ealing though. She has a big, 4 bedroomed house and lives alone (she's 55 and divorced, no kids). We're not super close but we've always got on and been on good terms, although we're very different people: she was much more career-orientated than me.
I would like to ask my sister whether my daughter could live with her for a year or two. AIBU? And if not, how do you recommend I go about it? It seems like the perfect solution, and it's a big house so it's not as though they'd be in living each other's pockets.

I would be happy to have some of my nieces stay with me, some not so much and one definitely not. I would absolutely not want one who had 'set their heart on it' and was 'thinking of the friends they could take round' that to me just sounds like a spoiled brat thinking she could live with childless auntie and take over the house!

I haven't read the whole thread but I see from PP's who live in London that it is doable to rent in a house-share. If I was your sister, not very close, I would be saying no. I would offer a month maybe until your DD got her bearings and had a chance to look for a house share.

Your dd will be able to afford it. Not comfortably but that's part of life. Dd1 is out of uni 2 years and earns around 25k. Enough to do a house share, pay her travel card eat and socialise a bit.

I presume she’ll be taking home 1.1-1.2k a month at least? With a cheap outer London room, eg NE zone 5-6 at £500 she won’t be living the high life but she’ll afford to exist as a single person. It’s how most people in London start off. 12 yrs ago DH and 1 shared a studio flat above a crappy shop in zone 4, as our careers progressed our housing did as with anywhere else.
I remember even having that flat alone and saving each month on a take home of 1k!

I had my niece around for 3 months.I offered she was in a very difficult living situation. At first it is awkward as you have to set your boundaries but I quite enjoyed it...it was.lovely to have someone young and cheerful around and to listen to her troubled life.
It could do a lot of good to both.

What’s her plan if sis says no?

I would

Do you have a mum or another sister who could feel your Ealing sister out without embarrassing her? She may or may not want to live with someone else. I think it would be reasonable to ask her if your daughter could stay while she found her feet, maybe for three months? And then see if she offered to have her stay on when they have both seen how it works out?

London is frightfully expensive and not having a relative to live with in when you are starting out is a huge disadvantage. But she may find an affordable flatshare once she is working and prefer it to living with her aunt.

I think the idea of the OP using the DD's room at home for a lodger and then passing on the cash to the DD to pay towards her London accom is a great idea, but I expect because both the OP and her progeny have a dose of the cheeky they won't be amenable to that suggestion.

I also think you shouldn't ask. You gave her the opportunity to invite her. She didn't. She doesn't want to share. I had my sister indicating that my 23 old nephew wanted to find a university nearby and live with me. It never materialised thank God. I love my nephew but he would be another person to worry about. Even though he is officially an adult he sometimes doesn't act like one. I see how my sister worries about him going out and coming next day without so much as a text saying he will sleep out. Not even considering the logistics of cooking, laundry, etc. If there was a real need I'd help. But as your in DD case there is a choice. I think she just fancies leaving in a big house in Ealing. There are plenty of house shares and cheaper areas in London. People manage. Tell her to get a temporary room near work. Maybe ask her new colleagues. They might know a place.

I lived in nr stratford and paid £50 per week for a room share, for the 1st year I moved to London I slept in a bunkbed!
If your sister says no there are other options it just depends if she's willing to do that?
Fwiw I met some wonderful people and it wasn't as awful as it sounds!

Hi I live in London and DH sister asked us if DN could stay with us when she received a job offer and made it clear she could not accept it if she could not stay with us. We obviously said yes and she stayed for 13 months rent/food free. We really enjoyed having her stay and would not hesitate to have her again if she needed it. I would be happy to help again but funny after DN moved out DH sister stopped talking to us and completely cut him off.

Just ask.
No harm in asking.
She will say yes or no. Lol

How much is the salary?
Our analysts earn 20k and manage to rent/live /go on hols...

Really? In London? AND holidays! How? Just how? They must live 3 to a room to break even!

Yes - just get to give aunt a call and ask if she can rent a room for 6 months until she's found her feet- and then extend if it's working.

Your sister might want to offer the first few weeks until your daughter finds some people her own age to share with.

My nephew, then aged 21, stayed with us for the professional year part of his degree. It went well but there’s not many people, friends OR relatives, that we would offer a room to.

TigerTooth Plenty of people work a second job.

I think your DSis will say no, though she may agree to a short stay initially until DD finds her own place. DD needs to stand on her own feet and find a flat or houseshare like others in her position.

bobbyboy
Awful and it was very generous of you not to take any rent or money for food. What a shame they didn't have the guts to say why they didn't want to maintain contact.
They say a good deed never goes unpunished

Ask for a limited period of a month, while she settles into her job and finds a room in a shared house.

I have 14 nephews and nieces ranging from 40 to 12. I would let any of them stay providing they picked up after themselves and did not leave their personal things all over house and were polite and stuck to relaxed house rules, no smoking in house and no drugs and must remember to lock front door. I have two spare rooms so it would not bother me. I would be pleased to help out family.

Our analysts earn 20k and manage to rent/live /go on hols

Yeah, I don't believe this either.

If it was me I would say no. If your sister lives alone then it's because she likes it way. You should mention the salary and in passing say you wonder how She'll manage on that salary in London. If your sister doesn't take the bait then it means she doesn't want your daughter staying

And tbh, I'd totally understand

If you're earning £20k in London you aren't going on many holiday unless the bank of M&D are subsidising you! I earned that sort of money in London in the late 90s/early 2000s and it didn't go very far then. Now, with inflation, I should think you'd be lucky to get a box room and your basics, let alone holidays.

The OP's DD sounds like she's had life rather easy until now. Setting her sights on her hard-working aunt's house as a pied-a-terre for her to live it up and invite her friends over is entitled and selfish. I suspect the OP has left the building to lick her wounds after 13 pages of replies calling her precious DD an entitled princess, but that's just what she sounds like. She needs to learn to live within her means - it's an extremely valuable life lesson.

I mentioned the job to my sister and her reply was "How lovely! I'll be able to meet her lunch and little shopping trips".

Your sister is aware of what you/your DD want but not asked outright- this is her polite way of saying "No thanks!!"

I'd find an alternative if I were you/your DD. Either you get a lodger for your DD's room as a PP suggested above and giver your daughter done if the cash to help out or your DD trims her sails accordingly and finds a flat/houseshare she can afford maybe with an additional weekend or evening job to help finances. I remember doing exactly that her her age to help me budget past the absolute necessities and not have the attitude of:

To be honest I think DD has set her sights on her aunt's house.

Wow, the pair of you have more neck than a giraffe.

Best comment so far 😂😂😂