to ask my sister to let my daughter live with her?

[EleanorEclipse]

My daughter is 22 and she graduated last year. We live in Manchester and she's received a fabulous job offer in London. Unfortunately, despite the job being closely aligned with her professional interests and providing an excellent first step into her chosen industry, the salary isn't really enough to sustain her in London (we've looked at rents, even for small or shared rooms) and I'm not in a position to help her, as much as I'd love to. My sister lives in Ealing though. She has a big, 4 bedroomed house and lives alone (she's 55 and divorced, no kids). We're not super close but we've always got on and been on good terms, although we're very different people: she was much more career-orientated than me.
I would like to ask my sister whether my daughter could live with her for a year or two. AIBU? And if not, how do you recommend I go about it? It seems like the perfect solution, and it's a big house so it's not as though they'd be in living each other's pockets.

[noenergy]

Did the OP ever reply?

[MamaBolt]

Why doesn't your daughter ask your sister herself (showing maturity) if she can stay with her for three months while she finds her feet. Finding a shared house in London is always, always best done by word of mouth, via friends of friends, someone who knows someone...
And for a 22 year-old, ideally in Hackney, not Ealing! :)

[Vix169]

My DS’s DD did this with my other DS. It was a total disaster and led to my DS in London having a breakdown. Just a word of warning. Young people need to stand on their own feet.

[Educator66]

There are and have been many graduate students in this situation. in the North there is not the variety of jobs that there are in the South. However, in the South they have realised that thousands of Northerners will be travelling their way for work and in real terms, wages in London have reduced while rents have increased. For your predicament, just phone your sister and say that your daughter has now successfully completed her degree and is looking to start a career just like she did. The only problem is the shortage of career opportunities in the North and the high rents in the South, is she in a position to help you out? Say that of course, your daughter would pay rent and would not be inviting friends over without permission from her. Would she please help her niece?

[Namestheyareachangin]

To be honest I think DD has set her sights on her aunt's house. She likes the location, and thinks it would be a good base for her and she'd enjoy having friends round etc

Hell to the no. This will not work. Her aunt has a nice house in a nice area which she clearly chooses to live in alone. An entitled house guest who wants to bring her noisy mates back is not going to be welcome. Don't even ask, and encourage your DD to set her sights a bit more realistically. We all live in grotholes while establishing ourselves in London, it's part of the experience.

[BlueSkiesLies]

To be honest I think DD has set her sights on her aunt's house. She likes the location, and thinks it would be a good base for her and she'd enjoy having friends round etc.

'cummon people, its clear from page one the OP is a-trolling us all with this little gem

[PresidentHump]

You say she'd obviously pay her way. That'd be about £1000 for a room in a nice house in Ealing.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

"To be honest I think DD has set her sights on her aunt's house. She likes the location, and thinks it would be a good base for her and she'd enjoy having friends round etc."

And what did you say to her, when she came out with this piece of cheeky fuckery, @EleanorEclipse? Did you set her straight, and tell her that IF her aunt agreed to have her as a lodger, she would be expected to treat the place and her aunt with respect, and that, actually, it was jolly cheeky of her to 'set her sights' on it because she 'likes the location' - or did you endorse her cheekiness?

[HomeTheatreSystem]

Fantasy:

(Aunt walks in door at 7pm)

DN: "Hello Auntie! I remembered you said you were dreading today at work, so I've cooked your favourite meal and got us in a nice glass of xxxx "(hands sth delicious to aunt who smiles gratefully)
AUNT: (slugs back the proffered libation) "God you total angel! Supper smells heavenly. Just going upstairs for a quick shower!"
AUNT returns, refreshed
DN proffers 2nd libation and plates up a delicious meal.

They sit down together, have a hugely enjoyable chat about their week, lots of laughs, finish off the bottle. DN and Aunt clear up the minimal mess together as DN is tidy; DN is going out later, AUNT fancies a rare night in DOING AS SHE PLEASES.

Reality

(Aunt walks in door at 7pm, having had awful day at work. Kitchen looks like Coventry in WW2.)
DN: "Hey auntie....ummm I've invited my friends round for drinks and a meal tonight. Just practising this new recipe ...would you mind making yourself scarce when they get here. I don't mind you being in the kitchen for a couple of minutes though??"

[Pinkyyy]

Why are people still offering the OP advice when she clearly isn't returning?

[Bugbabe1970]

Definitely ask or even better your daughter should ask
I’d say yes in a heartbeat

[redwoodmazza]

It sounds like a perfect solution - BUT I wouldn't want to share my house [no matter how big] with anyone else. I like to do what I want when I want. Just be aware that your sister might feel the same.

[Bethiboo40]

If your sister hasn't offered already I wouldn't even ask her at all. We live in a two bed semi just my DH, DS (21yrs), 2 DLABS and little auld me. If any one of my nieces or nephews needed a place to stay I'd make the room for however long they needed and I haven't spoken to either of my sisters for over 5 years. The fact she hasn't offered speaks for itself imo.

[MachinicianMagician]

@Frere

[Fere]

@MachinicianMagician unfortunately saying a price is for a flat means it is for a flat and not for a room so not need to be defensive

[zoellafortitude]

This is a recipe for disaster IMO.

Aunt would have offered if she wanted this to happen. Don't put her in the position of having to refuse.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"An early 20s person may consider having friends over til 2am normal enjoyment. It's quite possible her landlord aunt in her 50s wouldn't agree so this would need to be decided in advance."

Yes, of course it can be decided in advance. The agreement when I was a lodger was that you could have friends over by just letting other people living there (the landlady and other lodger) know in advance.
No visitors at all is unreasonable imo, but if this is what the aunt wants, she should let the niece know straight away as it's definitely not always the case.

[pootyisabadcat]

Take rent money from someone, but not allow them normal enjoyment of their home???

Plenty of lodging contracts do have restrictions on guests and even use to some communal rooms. In return, the rent is often lower than a house or flatshare. Not unusual at all.

[mummmy2017]

Bet your DD is going to love her share and f bills and council tax.

[MachinicianMagician]

@Fere didnt assume someone would interpret it as being a flat (especially since I specifies it was from spareroom.com). Point still stands that affordable accommodation is available throughout London if one is willing to compromise

[Fere]

@MachinicianMagician a box room is not "a flat"!

[MyOtherProfile]

Not allow normal enjoyment! That's a funny twist on whether someone can have guests.

An early 20s person may consider having friends over til 2am normal enjoyment. It's quite possible her landlord aunt in her 50s wouldn't agree so this would need to be decided in advance.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Guests are up to the owner, they can permit or not, as and when they please."

Is that what you would do Bluntness? Take rent money from someone, but not allow them normal enjoyment of their home???

[zingally]

Firstly, DD needs to do the asking, not you. And it comes with the full expectation that auntie can, and might well, say no.
If I was a single woman, in my 50s, with a lovely house, I'm not sure I'd be falling over myself for my early 20s niece to move in and have all her friends round! Of course, it could be a transformative experience for them both, but I wouldn't count on it.

[Bluntness100]

Paying lodgers are allowed guests

Eh? Can you Post a link to that little law?

Guests are up to the owner, they can permit or not, as and when they please.