Sitting here waiting for DH again AIBU

[StressedAgain]

I am sitting here waiting for DH to come home AGAIN.

He went out last night to a leavers do at work. Because of trains and alcohol he sometimes whenever he can stays overnight in a hotel. It's now Sat 1130, DC no.2 has already been chauffeured to their 1st activity, then later on my DC have another thing they need to be taken to for a few hours.

Eldest DC is upset as they have called their Dad up twice and his phone is off and not responding to messages. DC is getting stressed out that his dad may not be OK. I'm getting stressed out because 90% of me is used to this kind of behaviour but I too am wondering if he is OK.

I've got this to look forward to again on Tuesday night when he is going out with his friends and staying in a hotel again. Meanwhile I'll spend all Tues night at my DC's hobby.

AIBU to think that this is actually a bit sh!t. I am getting sick of it. My DC have asked me "when is he coming back", "what time will be be back" and I am getting stressed and snappy.

Seriously, how would you feel about this.

One more Q. AI also BU to think that this behaviour is very suspicious? I've thought that myself but haven't found any proof as yet.

YANBU to be annoyed. I would be furious. Does he have form for doing this? And not communicating with you either, just turning up whenever he feels like it whilst you do the parenting?

Why do you think it's suspicious OP? Is it the staying in a hotel every time he goes out? Is where he's going drinking far away from home?

Because of trains and alcohol he regularly stays in hotels!

Sorry OP, I am the least suspicious person and usually think posters on here are being OTT when they suspect partners of seeing other people, but this screams affair to me.

Of course he could come home if he wanted to.

he would be getting a roasting if he was mine dosent take two minutes to ring you or text you to let you know what time he will be back, the other thing only you know wether hes a possible cheater or not, the only way to get any proof is log in to his lap top or phone and dig around,

Yes YABU. This is a common behaviour for him so why would you expect anything different?

Is the staying away over night agreed between you both, or is he so paralytic drunk he cant get the train home/drive ? eg does he promise to come home then renege?

You don't really need to ask the question do you OP because you already know the answer. Yes, his behaviour is unreasonable if its more than once in a while and it impacts you and your children to such an extent. A relationship shouldn't feel this stressful and you know it. I would be very suspicious of a partner who regularly went out on nights out and then planned not to come home and stayed in an hotel. Fair enough if you are out, you feel like its going to be a long session and you book somewhere to stay but to pre-empt it to this extent? No alarm bells would be ringing. if you are concerned you know where he should be on Tuesday night. leave the kids with a friend and go to the hotel at stupid o'clock and see if he is there and on his own.

It’s fucking out of order, not just a bit shit or annoying but absolutely 100% unacceptable and wrong.
I imagine he’s gaslighted the fuck out of you in the past to make this seem acceptable. It’s not, he’s a selfish bastard. Don’t put up with it any longer.

How often does this happen?!

Does he have an alcohol problem, visit sex bars/prostitutes, or an affair?!

This is more than just a bit shit. Sorry you're going through this OP x

Who can afford a hotel for an ordinary night out?

It isn't "agreed" by us both. I just get told that on certain dates he is going to a works do, going to a concert with friends or whatever. Then he will book a hotel.

This is seriously getting me down but not sure what to do about it. Is this really slack parenting on his side? I do everything for our DC.

He truly is a shitty husband OP. Why do you allow such behaviour? Do you do the same to him? If you don't, then maybe you should start!

How often does it happen?

Couple of times a year not a major issue. Every week? Once a month?

He doesn't really drink and for me this is the main reason why I don't understand why he has to stay out.

His iPad and iPhone are all face ID so I can't access them.

I could not live like this

On average once every 10 days I'd say.

Once every 10 days your husband goes out and stays in a hotel away from home?

Once every 10 days is a piss take.

Leave him. Asshole:

Could he be having an affair? Seeing someone else ...

I bet you think I am making this up. Seriously, I am not.
I know it is not OK deep down. I'm scared I'd only get 50/50 if I kick him out. Do you think they would take into consideration that he goes AWOL?

Jesus Christ, every fucking 10 days??!

He's an absolutely shit husband and a shitty shitty SHITTY parent. Wake up OP. This is damaging your kids. God Almighty.

It depends how far away he is going.

My dh goes on nights out/gigs a few times a year with a group of friends. They usually go to London and so instead of getting the last train home at 11pm, they get an air B&B. I don't see a problem with that.

But if he was going to a local town where he could easily get a taxi home from. But still decided to stay in a hotel, I would be suspicious. Especially if friends were going home. I would guess he's doing this because he's out in the pull and hoping to hook up. Or even worse, getting prostitutes.

3 times a month is excessive. It must also be costing you a fortune in hotel fees! Not having his phone on makes this seem more suspicious as well, like he doesn't want to be disturbed.

Fuck that. He may not necessarily be having an affair, but to have that luxury while you’re left looking after his kids is a liberty.