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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to DD15 when she’s out with friends

230 replies

Clown77 · 22/03/2019 22:54

My DD15 is going out with a friend tomorrow I’m dropping off at her friends house then they are getting the train (15min walk from her friends house) then going 1 stop down to a casual restaurant to eat then back to her house again.

I told my DD15 to message me when she arrives at restaurant and when she gets back to her friends house but she said she’s not a baby I do know her friends mum will most likely message her (not sure though) so AIBU to expect DD15 to message me and if she doesn’t AIBU to message her

OP posts:
SadOtter · 22/03/2019 23:01

15 minute walk and 1 stop on the train, with a friend? unless there is a massive backstory here yes YABU, most 11 year olds here travel further than that alone everyday to get to school!

Leeds2 · 22/03/2019 23:01

I don't think YABU at all. You are not intruding on their evening, and just want to know she is safe (in a manner that isn't embarrassing to her, as she can text you without her friend's knowledge).
If it would make you feel less anxious, would it be possible for you to pick friend up and drive them both to the restaurant? Friend might appreciate the lift, even if DD doesn't!

Original poster
Clown77 · 22/03/2019 23:02

It’s at 130pm in the afternoon
(Omg I bet I sound over protective Lol)

OP posts:
CatWithARabbit · 22/03/2019 23:03

I don't think YABU at all ! That is s very reasonable request and will only take seconds for her to do. Not too much to ask at all.

Rachie1973 · 22/03/2019 23:04

Bit OTT. Leave her be for a couple of hours.

Original poster
Clown77 · 22/03/2019 23:05

Yes I told her it takes less than a min just to message me I’m here and ok but she won’t and said if I message her she won’t even read my message either

OP posts:
Flyingpie · 22/03/2019 23:06

I think you're being a bit overprotective. She's 15. I'd expect that level of contact if she was 11, on her first few times out.

BackforGood · 22/03/2019 23:06

Yes, YABU.
Middle of the day... out with a friend.
Leave her be.

KnightError · 22/03/2019 23:07

I'm afraid YAB completely U. Sorry.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 22/03/2019 23:07

It's mid afternoon and she's 15 YABU

GrandTheftWalrus · 22/03/2019 23:08

YABU. I thought you were going to say it was a Friday or Saturday night but in the afternoon? That's a bit much. Shes 15 not 11.

acciocat · 22/03/2019 23:09

OTT. The fact a text takes a few seconds is irrelevant. Why would you need to keep tabs on her like this? She’s just popping out with a friend for lunch

jelliebelly · 22/03/2019 23:09

YABU - she's out with friends she won't give you a second thought!

MeredithGrey1 · 22/03/2019 23:09

You sound a little overprotective, but equally it’s only two text messages, it’s not like you’ve asked her to ring you every half an hour or something. It will only take her 10 seconds. Maybe compromise on just one text, when she gets back to friend’s house?
Does she make this trip (on the train) regularly, or is it uncommon so you’re worrying more?

Olivetoil · 22/03/2019 23:09

What was life like for you at 15? Not having a go, genuinely curious?

I just started seeing now DH (20+ years still together) I had a part time job, went out with friends for meals/to the cinema. Worked hard at school. Drank alcohol occasionally but never to excess. Obviously mobiles not around so I suppose I had a lot of freedom but more importantly trust?

What are your main worries?

Justmuddlingalong · 22/03/2019 23:09

There comes a point where we need to give our kids some independence. I think if you've got to her being 15, you missed the memo. Time to take a step back, it's well overdue.

BenjiB · 22/03/2019 23:10

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable just a little over protective maybe. My daughter is 12 and is out and about with her friends all the time. I don’t ask her to text me but I do have a look on Snapchat to see where she is 🤣

Bloodybridget · 22/03/2019 23:10

For God's sake! Back off! Is she your eldest or only child?

EmmaGrundyForPM · 22/03/2019 23:11

YABU. My ds would have been mortified if I'd asked him to do this aged 15.

You need to let go

Original poster
Clown77 · 22/03/2019 23:12

I agree I’m over protective totally but I just want to make sure she’s ok and safe as lately they’ve been mugging/stabbings around our areas

OP posts:
ConfCall · 22/03/2019 23:13

Overprotective, definitely. But I do empathise because I struggle with it myself.

CherryPavlova · 22/03/2019 23:13

I think you need to back off.

Original poster
Clown77 · 22/03/2019 23:14

She’s my youngest child and I think cos we are very very close I tend to want to make sure she’s safe at all times as I’ve never had the security and love from my own mum growing up and I think it’s made me OTT with her

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 22/03/2019 23:14

Giving some leeway and freedom does not stop you loving and caring about her. You'll never stop worrying, so for the sake of your relationship in the future, step back.

Chottie · 22/03/2019 23:16

I do think you are being over protective too.

I remember at 15 going youth hostelling in the peak district with my friends. This was pre mobile phones and our parents dropped us off at the station and we had no contact until a week later when they collected us.

Please reconsider and allow your daughter some independence.

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