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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to DD15 when she’s out with friends

230 replies

Clown77 · 22/03/2019 22:54

My DD15 is going out with a friend tomorrow I’m dropping off at her friends house then they are getting the train (15min walk from her friends house) then going 1 stop down to a casual restaurant to eat then back to her house again.

I told my DD15 to message me when she arrives at restaurant and when she gets back to her friends house but she said she’s not a baby I do know her friends mum will most likely message her (not sure though) so AIBU to expect DD15 to message me and if she doesn’t AIBU to message her

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 22/03/2019 23:16

Were you the same with your older children?

TheSmallAssassin · 22/03/2019 23:17

So how is texting you going to stop her getting mugged or stabbed? I think you are being a bit ridiculous.
Texting might take a few seconds, but it's the hassle of having to remember. Leave her be and work on your worrying.

Original poster
Clown77 · 22/03/2019 23:17

To be fair I do give my DD lots of freedom I allow her to do a lot for her age I don’t really say no unless it’s something out of her depth if that makes sense

OP posts:
Meandwinealone · 22/03/2019 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kazwelch · 22/03/2019 23:18

Just remember how it was when you where her age & we didn't have mobile phones.

Original poster
Clown77 · 22/03/2019 23:21

Meandwinealone
How dare you say I don’t give a shit about my other kids
I bloody well do but my son is 18 and I worry just as much about him as I do about my DD
Very rude and how dare you

OP posts:
AirBiscuit · 22/03/2019 23:22

Are you worried that she will order her steak well done and choose the wrong claret from the wine list?

Or maybe she'll snog the waiter. Although that sort of thing only happens on holidays on Greece I believe

JustAnotherPoster00 · 22/03/2019 23:22

So how is texting you going to stop her getting mugged or stabbed? I think you are being a bit ridiculous.

^^This

Justaboutawake · 22/03/2019 23:22

Show her a bit of trust and just ask her to just check in with you at some point in the day.

peppaaargh · 22/03/2019 23:25

Oh Christ. You're gonna do it anyway by the sounds of it

Original poster
Clown77 · 22/03/2019 23:26

She did say she would message me when to pick her up so not sure when during the day that would be

OP posts:
Meandwinealone · 22/03/2019 23:26

I apologise it was said in a relatively light hearted way. With lots of exclamation marks. I don’t really think that. But girls do tend to get treated differently
But you need to chill out.

FullOfJellyBeans · 22/03/2019 23:26

I think it's obtrusive to have to text your mum when you're out at dinner. It interrupts her evening. It won't keep her any safer either.

Jupiters · 22/03/2019 23:28

Does sounds a bit much tbh... She's 15, give her a bit of space.

GreenTulips · 22/03/2019 23:34

DD15 goes to work in a Saturday, on a bus half an hour away. She’s also banks the cash when she works in the holidays.

She went straight into town after school to get a gift and then got the bus back.

Didn’t text and she turned up at 5pm - this isn’t unusual!

Stop worrying and do something for yourself while she’s out

Enko · 22/03/2019 23:34

OP I let my dd3 age 15 do all of that and only expectation I have is she lets me know if she is going to be later than we agreed. So yes I think you are BU

Mummymummums · 22/03/2019 23:35

Try a compromise with her texting when they arrive back at friend's? I'm a bit Shockthat she's saying she won't read it if you text her. Stroppy.
It's not an unreasonable request and frankly, yes, my DM was protective, but it cost me nothing to keep her posted when I was out and about. Everything is two way.
If she refuses, I'd not be doing favours like dropping her at her friend's. If she wants total independence.....

Hadenoughofitall441 · 22/03/2019 23:36

I wouldn’t say your being unreasoble, just a regular parent. My mum was laid back, I was always out and as long as I text her that I was gonna be later than I told her she was fine. I only got a phone at 13 so before that I had to be back at certain times but if I wanted to go somewhere after I just had to let her know. Some nights I was out till 3am in the Park next to my house with about 10 others and we all walked home in pairs no matter what. I Wish my teen sister would go out more she spends most of the time at home 😩

Hadenoughofitall441 · 22/03/2019 23:37

I’m talking 16 years ago now 🤐

NunoGoncalves · 22/03/2019 23:37

If it was late at night, fair enough. But early afternoon? Bit OTT.

Justmuddlingalong · 22/03/2019 23:38

If you keep tabs on her doing something as innocent as going for something to eat with her friend, I fear that when she's doing less innocent stuff in the future, she just won't tell you.

Justaboutawake · 22/03/2019 23:39

Just ask her to send you a thumbs up or something whilst out and not wait until she needs picking up. It will take her 2 seconds and give you assurance that’s she’s ok. Ball is in her court then. She doesn’t want mum checking up on her but it’s not unreasonable to ask her to send you a gesture that she’s ok. Just reassure her that you won’t be wanting a full blown conversation just a sign that all is ok.

BackforGood · 22/03/2019 23:39

Same here @Chottie

Clown77 Sending you a text every 10mins isn't going to make one iota of difference to her being mugged or stabbed. Well, potentially getting her phone out and texting rather than having it in her pocket and being able to look around her might make it slightly more likely to be mugged.

Ariela · 22/03/2019 23:42

I get that you are concerned but she is 15 and not on her own but with friends. I would suggest a compromise : say you'll be busy and ask her to text you when she is back at her friends so you know to keep more of an eye on the phone so you don't miss her 'come and pick me up' text

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 22/03/2019 23:43

@AirBiscuit i snogged a greek waiter on holiday as a teen... how embarrassing Blush