DH thinks I’m ripping him off

[EmmaG78x]

Hi, big disagreement with DH about the proportion in ownership of our house.

When we met I’d just bought a house but We moved in together and joined finances shortly afterwards. Everything was split equally including the mortgage but this was much cheaper than if he was renting. 8 years later we used the profit from the house as a 20% deposit for a house. Noting else was used as a deposit so we split ownership 75:25 in my favour.

Now, 5 years later and we are about to change mortgage providers. DH has mentioned we should now move to 70:30in my favour and continue until it’s 50:50 in another 20 years.

I want it to remain 75:25 forever as the deposit was from selling my house and he earns a lot more than me so me and the kids will need more if he leaves me.

He argues we’ve had joint finances the whole time and he earns a lot more than me. (about 50% more until I went part time once DS1 was born so now about double)

AIBU to keep things the way they are?

Do you pay 75% of the monthly mortgage payment, and he pays 25%?

Was the split based on the amount of money put down as a deposit?

I think legally your DH owns half because you’re married but if I were the one shelling out for deposit I would want it protected

Yes i think you are. You are supposed to be a partnership. Hes contributed to the mortgage all these years and hes not even asking for 50%.

F everything has been split equally since shortly after the house purchase then surely you take out your original deposit and however long you were paying the mortgage yourself and then everything else is split evenly?

It's 50/50 cause you're married.

But need more detail really but I think YABU. Just cause you had a deposit at the start doesn't mean you should make masses of profit and forever deny him that ability.

Can't he give you half the deposit now? How big was it?

So do you benefit from his higher salary? Or do you split bills equally? If so yabu.

I also think your husband has a point.

I don’t know the legalities of this, but think that if you were married when you bought the house then it’s a ‘marital asset’ anyway.

Is it possible that, proportionately, he’s ‘paid back’ half of the deposit by now? If you were to look at how much he has contributed to joint expenditure compared to you (prior to you having a child)?

I think it’s fair that your original deposit is protected, but not that the house is indefinitely 75% yours if he is paying half the mortgage. Presumably he is gradually increasing his ‘share’ through mortgage payments, so ownership will gradually be more equal.

Why do you think it's on the cards that he is going to leave you?

I think it all sounds a bit odd to be honest. Have you paid 75% of the mortgage because if he's being paying substantially more than you, I think you're a bit cheeky.

If everyone had their own, he should just pay 25% and buy himself another house/flat in his name only.

I don't suppose you'd like those apples!

I think YABU actually

So for 13 years he's been paying half the mortgage (for 5 years on a house he didn't even own at all) yet he still only gets a 25% share? YABVU to question his request of 70/30! The fairest thing would be to say if you ever sold the house you would get your deposit back then split anything else 50/50.

I’d say 50:50 you are being unfair.

Genuine question, as I have never had a mortgage and know nothing about them, can you genuinely have it on the papers that one person owns a certain percentage and another the rest? I thought you just had the owners names listed, not how much of a share in it belongs to each party?

I find it so weird to divide in that way if you are married.

Your husband is right, you are ripping him off!

Of course not....shared money only applies on MN when the man has the greater assets. If the woman has the greater assets she should protect herself at all costs. I’m surprised you’re conceding 25% to the money grabbing bastard. Leave him!!!!

If your house paid the 20% deposit, would 60:40 not have been more reasonable?

I think you’re ripping him off too. Imagine if this were the other way around!

You’re being unfair
50/50 is the way to go
YABU

You're massively ripping him off!

It should be 50/50 now

I think you get what you put in from the house and then 50% of what's left and he the other 50%.

And you went part time, so I assume using his higher earnings to allow you to do this..?

It would be fair to protect your original deposit/input into the whole house buying thing. So if the profit from the sale of the house you bought on your own was, say, 50k (just for ease of numbers in my head!) then I think it’s fair that your 50k is protected but since you’ve been sharing costs 50/50 the rest of it should be split 50/50. So if your house was now 500k of equity then, upon splitting, you get your original 50k plus half of the remaining 450k. Obviously what percentage this actually works out at depends on how much you initially had as profit from your house and how much the house you have is worth (or rather what equity you have in it). 25/75 forever would just be unfair to someone who is contributing half of everything. If he were to suddenly decide to only contribute the equivalent percentage would that be ok? Because if it’s not then you’re going to have to accept that you need to compromise

If he’s earning twice as much as you and you’re paying 75% of the mortgage, he’s likely subsidizing your living costs.

You are paying 75% of the mortgage, aren’t you?

Start at 50/50. Calculate what percentage of the house value your original deposit is, and tack that on to your percentage.

So let’s just say you end up 55/45. He ups his payment From 25% to 45%, you reduce yours from 75% to 55%, and put your extra 20% into savings to protect you in the event that you split.

Have to say though, 8+ years in to a marriage, with kids, I’d be very pissed off to be told I only own 25% of my home.