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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks I’m ripping him off

284 replies

EmmaG78x · 21/03/2019 20:54

Hi, big disagreement with DH about the proportion in ownership of our house.

When we met I’d just bought a house but We moved in together and joined finances shortly afterwards. Everything was split equally including the mortgage but this was much cheaper than if he was renting. 8 years later we used the profit from the house as a 20% deposit for a house. Noting else was used as a deposit so we split ownership 75:25 in my favour.

Now, 5 years later and we are about to change mortgage providers. DH has mentioned we should now move to 70:30in my favour and continue until it’s 50:50 in another 20 years.

I want it to remain 75:25 forever as the deposit was from selling my house and he earns a lot more than me so me and the kids will need more if he leaves me.

He argues we’ve had joint finances the whole time and he earns a lot more than me. (about 50% more until I went part time once DS1 was born so now about double)

AIBU to keep things the way they are?

OP posts:
LordNibbler · 21/03/2019 21:13

I agree with BlackPrism
Anything else is unfair to him.

AlrightTreacle · 21/03/2019 21:14

@BabyofMine

Yes, if buying with someone else you can be joint tenants (as in share the house 50/50), or tenants in common - with different percentages like 25% and 75%, and a deed of trust to say who owns what percentage, and what happens if you split.

Smellbellina · 21/03/2019 21:14

YABVU

Merryoldgoat · 21/03/2019 21:15

I put in ZERO towards our deposit. We’re joint tenants and own equally together. Anything less would be unacceptable except if funds came from a third party and we needed to protect their interest.

Do you have joint savings etc and do you have access to his earnings!

StephsCaddy · 21/03/2019 21:16

I’m with your DH on this one.

You’re married and it should be 50:50.

adulthumanwolf · 21/03/2019 21:16

I put zero £ deposit into our house. We have 50/50 joint tenant ownership.

cstaff · 21/03/2019 21:16

But she is working part time because of their kids. On every other thread that counts as a full time job but not here?

AlrightTreacle · 21/03/2019 21:16

My ex sister in law used to say my brothers money was their money, and her money was her money...sounds a bit like your attitude in this scenario OP!

Original poster
EmmaG78x · 21/03/2019 21:17

It was something the solicitor asked when we were buying the house. I’m not sure of the details but I thought the idea was if we split and sold the house I’d get 75% of the sale.

Our wages go into 1 joint bank account and we both spend from that. I’m not sure how much we individually spend though.

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 21/03/2019 21:17

Yes you’re being unfair, he’s being too nice!

InDubiousBattle · 21/03/2019 21:17

How much was your equity/contribution at the point at which you joined your finances? Tbh you're married, it's a joint asset after 12years surely?

HollowTalk · 21/03/2019 21:17

Are you just protecting yourself against a future divorce or do you think he's likely to leave you?

My view really is that if you are married, money should be shared. If you're with someone that you think is using you for money (not in this case) then you should leave.

StarlingsEverywhere · 21/03/2019 21:17

Ditto, Merry. We weren’t even married yet at that point! Thank goodness my DH isn’t so selfish..

Podemos · 21/03/2019 21:17

But even origionally wasnt only some of that 20% 'yours' from the first house sale - DH had been paying off some of the capital for 8 years.

Will some of the profit over the years be house price increases too?

If I was looking for what was 'mine' then I think it would be fair to have worked out the equity I had in the house the day DH moved in then spilt everything 50/50 from there.

I guess it's kind of sensible to think about if you split up but you may well find legally he's entitled to 50%, just as you'd be entitled to maintainance based on his higher wage/ pension etc.

You've had the benefit of going part time based on his wage. If you're genuinely worried about him leaving you, I'd look to get back to full time work as soon as you're able to to ensure you're not financially reliant on him.

Starlight456 · 21/03/2019 21:18

Assuming you are married then yes why do you think it wouldn’t be 50/50

rwalker · 21/03/2019 21:20

wow very very grabby deposit was profit from a house he had paid into for 8 years . Protect your deposit by all means . Carry on like this and you will be needing YOUR OWN house soon than you think .

Original poster
EmmaG78x · 21/03/2019 21:20

Thanks for the replies. Guess I need to reconsider Blush

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 21/03/2019 21:20

The house should absolutely be 50/50. It seems like he contributes fairly, and always has. I can't believe you would think otherwise, this would have been a red flag for me if I were him.

RaindropDreams · 21/03/2019 21:20

Just read this out to my DH and his response was "It seems set up in case the marriage fails." I kind of have to agree.

After being together that long I would expect everything to be 50/50 including the house so I think he is probably one in a million to suggest a 70/30 split.

Maybe its just us but everything we do and everything we have is 50/50 regardless of who earns what. Marriage is supposed to be equal on all parts in my mind. My husband would be pretty devastated if I referred to something as being more mine because I paid for it or put more towards it and the same would go for me the other way.

AllTheFours44 · 21/03/2019 21:20

You’re husband is correct; you are ripping him off. I assume he’s paying the bulk of bills and current mortgage as he is the higher earner and you are now working it? This should negate any extra equity/deposit you invested to purchase your original house. Not forgetting he paid half the mortgage from the outset.

You’re being very unfair imo and I’m surprised he’s even agreeing to the 70/30.

Floogle · 21/03/2019 21:20

Also, I think it's a bit unfair that you moved this man into your house, agreed to split outgoing finances 50/50 (because it suited you to have half your mortgage paid) but then say the profit from the sale was solely your deposit to put into the new house, when he'd been paying towards you gaining that equity anyway!! I know legally he probably would have no claim to it, but morally that's a bit iffy too imo.

AlrightTreacle · 21/03/2019 21:21

"Our wages go into 1 joint bank account and we both spend from that. I’m not sure how much we individually spend though."

So the monthly mortgage payment comes from both your wages, which he pays more into? YABVU. Like bordering on financial abuse unreasonable. I wouldn't blame your husband for not putting up with this, you're massively taking the piss.

Original poster
EmmaG78x · 21/03/2019 21:22

He nearly left once in the past which is which I was thinking this way.

OP posts:
meanieleanie · 21/03/2019 21:22

I think it depends on big your original deposit was. If you're talking hundreds of thousands then I get your point. Any less than that and I'd actually say you're being awful.

Why are you so worried about him leaving? I think that's a question probably worthy of exploring for yourself because it seems like you're driven by anxiety or feeling vulnerable.

melissasummerfield · 21/03/2019 21:23

Seems strange to be planning for a split if you are in a happy relationship?