DH thinks I’m ripping him off

[EmmaG78x]

Hi, big disagreement with DH about the proportion in ownership of our house.

When we met I’d just bought a house but We moved in together and joined finances shortly afterwards. Everything was split equally including the mortgage but this was much cheaper than if he was renting. 8 years later we used the profit from the house as a 20% deposit for a house. Noting else was used as a deposit so we split ownership 75:25 in my favour.

Now, 5 years later and we are about to change mortgage providers. DH has mentioned we should now move to 70:30in my favour and continue until it’s 50:50 in another 20 years.

I want it to remain 75:25 forever as the deposit was from selling my house and he earns a lot more than me so me and the kids will need more if he leaves me.

He argues we’ve had joint finances the whole time and he earns a lot more than me. (about 50% more until I went part time once DS1 was born so now about double)

AIBU to keep things the way they are?

Honestly, the more I re-read this, the more I think I haven’t got it wrong: you genuinely expect him to pay half of the mortgage payments for most of his life in order to help pay off a mortgage, but you’ll keep nearly all of the profit if it’s sold and he’ll have invested thousands upon thousands for nothing. Do you not see how ridiculously unfair to him that is?

I think she has her answer if she's bothered to come back!

YABU. I am the sole earner in our household, and bought the house prior to meeting DW. So, on your method, it should be 100% mine - but of course it isn't and in the event of divorce it would be 50/50.

(Yes - I get the argument that DW has facilitated my earning power by looking after DC etc)

I think you're being U and are ripping him off.

If this was the other way round the man would get flamed.

It should be a 50/50 split as you're both looking after the household.

However I would say about the deposit have it in writing that you get what you each put in if you where to split up.

Yabvvvvvu.

@HopeIsNotAStrategy

Absolutely 100% agree. Everything has become so transactional these days. People just wondering round saying "but what's in it for me?".

i hate myself when reading these threads because my head goes into f**k mode as I have no idea how people are working this out!

But the DH has the bigger pension pot and earning potential if he fucks off and leaves the OP with all the caring responsibilities. I've been on the end of this particular gambit and it wasn't funny, given I paid all the deposit.

Bottom line, talk to a solicitor not AIBU.

Your married its 50:50 it does sound like you are trying to rip him off. If you dont sort this out then dont be surprised if he does leave you and takes his 50% with him.

@AutumnCrow, get a decent solicitor should be your message.

Pension pots get split 50/50.

This is profoundly depressing. I’m so pleased my marriage isn’t like this. And, yes, you are ripping him off. Big time.

Havent read the full thread so apologies if thisnis repeating...
You need it written/agreement made that should you split, from the profit of the house you have your initial deposit amount back, as does he, with the remainder of the equity split 50-50..

DP and I are going to be in a similar position if (hopefully) we move this year, and thats what we have agreed - should we split up then other than the original deposits (he is putting a lot more down than me as he owns a home but itll be my first foray onto the property ladder) it is being split 50-50 as I'll be paying half of the mortgage.

With the understanding that should I at any point be able to pay lump sums off to match his original deposit, then it relegates back to totally 50-50.

All hypothetical as we arent planning a split or even close, but we have planned and agreed should it happen.

You paid the deposit on your first house yes - but since then (very shortly afterwards by the sound of it) your DH has paid half the mortgage so surely the profit from the first house that you put towards your current property was also paid for by him?

The deposit from the first house is what you put in - since then it's been a 50/50 split. Why do you think you should have 75%?!

Wow, you need to apologise to your husband!

In marriage it’s 50:50. I put in a far less deposit (by thousands) in to our house and I pay nothing (due to years at home) in to our mortgage and our house is 50:50.
DH also put the house he had before me in to my name 50:50. You can’t behave like this in a marriage. Poor bloke!

Pension pots get split 50/50

I wish. Even my own solicitor said it was a bargaining chip. His pot got traded off against the house equity, he refused to have any responsibility for bringing up his young children as it would interfere with his career, my career took a nosedive, I needed a roof over our children's heads ... He kept all his pot, all his assets, our joint car, all his money. I got custody of the mortgage.

And yes a judge ordered that.

@AutumnCrow that’s because a judge thought that was fair and best for the children....and as the OP will find out, WHEN her OH leaves her 75% won’t be as safe as she imagined.

DH and I have just bought a house. He sold his property and we used that as the deposit. It was a massive amount - around 70% of the asking price. I put in nothing towards the deposit, however I pay the bulk of the mortgage/bills as I work and DH is a SAHD.

Everything is 50:50. We pool all money and what's mine is his and what's his is mine. We haven't quibbled over how much he or I would get if we divorced - our finances work for our complete family so everything is shared.

Your poor DH. If you really want 75% of the house value if you divorce and sell, then by all means, pay 75% of the mortgage until that time. I'm guessing he can then pay just 25% and keep everything left over, after bills, from his wages for himself! Or doesn't that sound fair?

YABU

You are ripping him off

Please show him this thread

I think it’s 50:50 by now.

Alternatively, rather than % division, you subtract your initial outlay from the houses worth, and split the rest 50:50.

Ie. If house value is now worth £22500, and you paid £2500 deposit initially, then your share would be £2500 + £10000 and dh’s share would be £10000. Hope that makes sense.

I'm in a similar position, I put all the money down as a deposit. If/when we split, we are not married. DP just got us into 45k debt, now to be added to our mortgage. I only want my deposit and that 45k from the equity.

Eh?? My dh has earned more than me our whole marriage.. My parents gave us a bigger chunk of deposit for our first home than his did but so what? Our house is simply in joint names - we are a couple, we bring different things to the household but he pays the mortgage because his wage covers it. My wage covers bugger all but we'd both be up a creek without the parts we both contribute financially and emotionally that make up our whole!

@HopeisnotaStrategy PREACH!!!!! Wise words there, something I think more women and men need to hear. OP YOU ARE RIPPING HIM OFF. Surprised he hasn't seen that as a lack of trust/betrayal.

Yes the fairest would have been to ringfence your deposit and split the rest 50/50 - or 60/40 without ring fenced

He is actually been pretty fair with the 70/30

As it happens when we bought 50k came from me but its still 50/50 - given the fact that I would part time and he now earns 3 times me its fair

@OP

DH. So you are married. I'm not sure but it's probably too late for a pre-nup. I would have said it's all 50/50.

To me marriage means 50-50. I had more deposit than DH to start with. I also had an inheritance to add in when we moved house. DH has earned a lot more most of the time. We share everything 50-50 so the question confuses me.