DH thinks I’m ripping him off

[EmmaG78x]

Hi, big disagreement with DH about the proportion in ownership of our house.

When we met I’d just bought a house but We moved in together and joined finances shortly afterwards. Everything was split equally including the mortgage but this was much cheaper than if he was renting. 8 years later we used the profit from the house as a 20% deposit for a house. Noting else was used as a deposit so we split ownership 75:25 in my favour.

Now, 5 years later and we are about to change mortgage providers. DH has mentioned we should now move to 70:30in my favour and continue until it’s 50:50 in another 20 years.

I want it to remain 75:25 forever as the deposit was from selling my house and he earns a lot more than me so me and the kids will need more if he leaves me.

He argues we’ve had joint finances the whole time and he earns a lot more than me. (about 50% more until I went part time once DS1 was born so now about double)

AIBU to keep things the way they are?

Did you contribute 75% of the deposit when purchasing the first house? Then did you contribute the same to the mortgage. If you did then you clearly were entitled to 75% of any profit when it was sold. The percentages of contribution to deposit and mortgage would apply to all purchases. You sound as if you need an accountant to work out your finances seeing as you both seem to live financially independently. Are you sure you are married, must be hard to always be counting up what each other has spent on the household.

Marriage should be a partnership. Not who puts what in and who doesn't. My DP have been married for nearly 50 years. If they were to split everything financially, my DM would have nothing. She gave up her career to raise me and my siblings. My DF worked to provide for us. That to me is 50:50. Even though my DF put in the most money, my DM put in the most time and effort.

Yep weird. It's all marital assets now so s/be 50:50.

It depends how you feel about your marriage. If you did 50/50 ( you obviously tenants in common, not joint tenants) then if you die and your husband remarry, he can leave his 50% to whomever he likes like his new wife and any other children he may have so in fact your child would be loosing out. I see your split as a way of protecting your child's inheritance as long as your will states that it all goes to your child. In the recent years of going through divorce cases, I would be making sure my child is protected as much as possible, not my husband. Especially as such a high earner surely he could save and buy another property he could let out and have a back up.

Why not to actually have everything in half? Or should contribute as a deposit 50/50 and should keep the rest in the bank for yourself.
If you dont have prenuptials and he is paying in every single month - the truth is the house is already 50% his. You are a family. If you think you are protecting something that is not yours for the chance your husband leaves you and children... wow! Why to live together at all?
Bizarre thinking. Is he doing same rubbish and actually keeps his cash to himself and doesnt not flood the family budget with his earnings? Wow....
maybe try just visiting each other hahahah

It seems to me that your salary and career sacrifice for DH and the children is not being acknowledged and 50% really does seem quite a lot. Over the years your loss of earnings made to support the family, equates to a huge amount of money and he needs to acknowledge this. Some adjustment for the fact that he is paying off off the mortgage is not unreasonable, but 50% seems too much. The most I would consider is 50% after an adjustment for the deposit, but you need to assess your personal loss from going part time as well.

Well, in my world, once you are married (or in a long-term relationship and living together), everything is shared equally, no matter what. When we got married I had saved far more than my husband, as I earned more, so the greater part of the deposit for our house was provided by me (my husband soon overtook me in earning capacity a few years later). It wouldn't have crossed my mind to hold this against him. I also find it strange when couples don't pool their money and instead, have their own bank accounts; we are a team - what's mine is his and vice versa. Over the years we have argued over many things, but I am glad to say, we have never ever argued over money!

My husband and I do none of this. I bought our now house before I met him. I also saved like a lunatic so I didn't have to take out a big mortgage. When he moved in we split the mortgage 50/50 and any additional savings will go towards a bigger house in the future. I pay the bills and weekly shop while he pays for the car, holidays and any big ticket items. It's never dawned on us to document finances and I don't think we every will as people get funny with money. That may be naive, but I've faith in my husband that should we every part ways our child will be our #1 priority.

Isn’t this the sort of thing that gets put in a “prenuptial agreement”?

You transferred all your assets to him when you married him. Marraiage is an all encompassing financial contract. You and he both own the house equally.

As a purely financial equation, the correct maths would be that if you put in the entire deposit (which you say was 20% of the house), then it would be:

You own 70% (50% plus 20% which reflects the deposit) and your DH 30%.

If you wish to keep the equity consistent the you should have paid 70% of the mortgage and your DH 30%.

It appears you did not do this and chose to split the mortgage payments 50/50.

This changes the sums and percentage so therefore it’s only fair that you take into account the amount that your DH has paid back the mortgage (plus the interest).

HTH

My DH put down all the deposit for our house... and as the main earner he pays the bills and mortgage... but he calls the house "ours" (I've never asked for that!!)... Fwiw, now baby 3 is a year old I've managed to get a decent job and will now be able to add considerably more to the pot and we will increase our overpayments and I will feel better about the situation (I currently have that the house is paid for by him, not because I don't own it but because he has never asked for anything from me...)

If this post was reversed and it was your DH doing what you're suggesting you do then a lot of people would tell you to reevaluate your relationship... 😏
Yeah it may be £200,000 but that's only relevant to the price of your £1m house... It is neither here nor there really.
If it really concerns you...get something like a prenup where you get your £200k back in the event of a split. Then treat everything as 50/50.
You say all money goes into one pot and you both spend from that? Then if the mortgage comes from both of you I think you're in pretty murky water as essentially he's paying the majority of it.
Money causes nothing but problems...

Why doesn’t your show give you half of your original deposit and be done. Then you have effectively started on equal footing and you have an escape fund. Put it in an account in your child’s name so it isn’t a marital asset. Job done.

If you get divorced the judge will divide the house dependent on need.

Sounds like you need a joint bank account

I find it weird. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.
There seems to be a lack of emotional commitment and a weird obsession with percentages YEARS after moving in together. Are you planning on splitting up?..if not then try being happy. I just don't understand why this is an issue in a marriage unless one of you is trying to put the other one down for not contributing enough. And that's not a healthy relationship.

Hi there
I feel like my daughter is being bullied and targeted by a teacher. She constantly removes her from form and her other lesson. She says negatives things about her to the other children whilst she outside the classroom. She marks her late in registration if she dares to speak. I would like to add that 95% of my daughters behavioural negative awards come from this teacher. This is not to say she has many as this is not the case. She’s a great pupil, never gets detention, is currently undertaking duke of Edinburgh. Can anyone please advise how I should approach said teacher. Thanks

"You own 70% (50% plus 20% which reflects the deposit) and your DH 30%."

How in the world would that be the correct maths

'well I take back my twenty percent deposit and after that it's fifty fifty. So I'll take my fifty first and then you can take your fif.... Oh wait there's only thirty percent left. Oh well, that's unlucky.'

Even if the op was too try and claim the twenty percent as hers then it would be fifty percent of the remaining 80. Not 50% of the total

I agree! I said yesterday that the correct split, if any, should be 60:40 so op should be hugging herself that dh suggested 70:30 instead of feeling 'ripped off'.

kelly - you will better off starting a new thread

Even if the op was too try and claim the twenty percent as hers then it would be fifty percent of the remaining 80. Not 50% of the total

This is incorrect.

The fact is that the OP put in 20% of the value of the property from the start.

Look at it this way.

The OP’s 20% has already been invested in the property from the beginning. Without it, they wouldn’t be on the property ladder.

Why should that 20% be discounted from having made a profit of the overall equity?

The housing market is like any other investment which can go up or down in value.

Well if you divorced you wouldn’t automatically get the 75% you hold anyway. Courts would look at any asset in your name, any in his name and any in joint and work out a ‘ fair’ share of that based in length on marriage m, earnings, children and needs

If you weren’t married I’d agree that tenants in common is sensible

Haven’t read the full thread but seems v odd to me to be do ungenerous. I met dh when dd was 10. I was a single mum in a housing association flat, no savings. He had just split up with his wife, they split everything 50/50 even though he had paid most of the mortgage and all the deposit on their house. He bought a flat for us to live in which is 50/50 even though I didn’t pay a penny. Isn’t that what couples do? Share?

I wonder if the OP is concerned that if she splits with her DH, as he is the higher earner, bigger pension etc, she would be left with less than she would if she does it this way - which really is not the case as divorce doesn’t work like that. It’s also perhaps a feeling of self worth?

One reason the split might be relevant is in the case of either dying. My ex would never make a will, which left things a little tricky for me in the event that a) anything happened to him, rules of intestacy, he has DC . by a previous marriage which would mean I’d have to sell the house and b) if something happened to me, everything went to him, then my DC could potentially lose out. I solved it by changing our ownership to tenants in common so that at least I knew where my 50% was going.

Btw on divorce I got more than 50%.

50/50 in my opinion

Seems odd that this exact same post is on netmums......

www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/other-chat-514/normal-993/1846669-dh-thinks-i-m-ripping-him-off.html