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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I bother😕

241 replies

user1498912461 · 20/03/2019 18:14

DM’s birthday today. I invited my mum, dad and siblings etc up for a mini tea party to celebrate. Made a large spread of food and bought lots of thoughtful gifts. DM proceeds to open the gifts and DS (6) asks if she can pass her presents around for everyone to open one each. I said to ds that it’s Granny’s birthday and she should really open her own presents and maybe he could help her. He asked her again and she said “that’s for your mother to decide”. I told him to “help” her open them and he ran off a into another room refusing to come back. Granny then refused to open them as he wouldn’t come back and watch her and stuffed the gift bag into a career bag to take home. She then loudly stated that he’d spoiled everything and that there’s no way I or my siblings would have behaved this way. I said that he’s only 6 and that sometimes children act silly and that she needs to lower her expectations. She sat there for the rest of her “party” with a face like thunder, even when we brought the cake out and sung happy birthday! Ds refused to sing and she spent the whole time looking at ds “not singing”. She left with her unopened gifts and stated that she’ll “remember this birthday for a long time to come”. Didn’t say goodbye to ds and the kitchen is now a bomb site that I have to 🧼 clean. Wondering why I bothered and thinking the whole thing was a disaster! 😔

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 20/03/2019 18:18

How ungrateful. 8s she usually like that? Don't bother in future it's. Not worth the effort

Houseworkavoider · 20/03/2019 18:22

Your Dm shouldn’t have thrown a strop but honestly, no way would I let my Dc get away with that!
Two separate problems.

pigsDOfly · 20/03/2019 18:22

Did you say your mother is 6 or your DS?

In your shoes I certainly wouldn't bother again. Let her take her miserable, ungrateful self and be miserable and ungrateful on her own.

Houseonahill · 20/03/2019 18:25

I agree with housework your DM was unreasonable to throw a strip and not say thankyou or anything but at 6 your DS should understand other people have birthdays and not have a massive sulk because he couldn't open any presents.

OKBobble · 20/03/2019 18:25

How did you discipline DS for his misbehaviour?

LEDadjacent · 20/03/2019 18:26

You don’t mention going and telling him off for making a fuss and bringing him back? If you didn’t give it a good try to get him back she was probably appalled at your lack of parenting. She was still rude though.

dinkydolphin · 20/03/2019 18:27

Your child sounds like a bratt. I've never heard of a 6 year old acting like that.

Original poster
user1498912461 · 20/03/2019 18:28

She’s always like this and it’s badly affecting her relationship with DS. DS just asked why Granny is mean to him and that he is only a child (he’s repeating what I said that he’s only a child lol)

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 20/03/2019 18:28

What an odd thing for your DS to say, pass the parcels round for everyone to open, would he like that at his birthday?
I think your DS needs to learn everything isn't about him, your DM was a bit OTT and probably taken aback at his behaviour.

Minniemagoo · 20/03/2019 18:29

Yep, fault on all sides. Your MIL throwing a strip, your 6 year old behaving very rudely (at 6 they really should understand you dont open other peoples presents and not throw a tantrum) and you not pulling him up on it, perhaps best to have made him come back and apologise. I imagine after a lot of organising you probably feel it just all got out of hand.

blackteasplease · 20/03/2019 18:30

Surely if a child is acting up you just ignore them and show that they can't ruin the party?

Bookworm4 · 20/03/2019 18:30

Saw your update, he actually says 'I'm only a child' oh dear you're obviously indulging his petulant carry on and giving him an excuse to parrot. I'd be mortified if any of mine behaved like an entitled brat.

Minniemagoo · 20/03/2019 18:30

Strop! Really hope your mum didn't strip!

SoupDragon · 20/03/2019 18:30

TBH, I would have given my DS a stern talking to when he stormed off in a strop because he couldn't open someone else presents and then sulked. That's bad behaviour no matter the age of the person celebrating their birthday. 6 is old enough to know how to behave at a birthday celebration.

That said, I wouldn't be overly impressed with a sulking mother either.

blackteasplease · 20/03/2019 18:30

And then speak to them after DM has gone

GruciusMalfoy · 20/03/2019 18:30

My 7 year old would be in trouble for this. By 6 they should have learnt that the "birthday person" is the one who opens gifts, not everyone else. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but I'd let it be known I was going to have a word with him in the other room.

Original poster
user1498912461 · 20/03/2019 18:31

Dinky - you clearly don’t know many 6 year olds 🤔Yes I did tell him off and try and get him back into the room but I couldn’t force him to come out.

OP posts:
Creamwhite · 20/03/2019 18:31

Your mum was BU. Weird attitude for an adult. If my daughter one day throws me a birthday party I will be absolutely touched.

blackteasplease · 20/03/2019 18:32

It was an odd request from a 6yo in the first place I agree- maybe aged 3 or something but 6 should be able to let an adult open their own presents

That said your Mum going into a strop and glaring at a child is super weird.

Original poster
user1498912461 · 20/03/2019 18:32

I did tell him that it was her birthday and her gifts and that he could try and help him open them.

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 20/03/2019 18:33

Easy to see where ds gets his dramatics from...
Both need a naughty step!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 20/03/2019 18:34

Your Mum was acting like a 6 yr old

Your ds was rude

Terrible behaviour on both sides

Frenchmontana · 20/03/2019 18:35

Hmm he said he is an only child randomly

I guess that's what he says to make you feel bad for him? I take it him being an only child isnt something you are happy with.

Both his statements about nana not liking him and the only child bit, are to make you pander to him and I bet you do.

SoupDragon · 20/03/2019 18:35

and that he could try and help him open them

Why should he help her open them?

sillysmiles · 20/03/2019 18:35

I wonder if this is a reflection on DS acting up alot more than just this one incident.