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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why I bother😕

241 replies

user1498912461 · 20/03/2019 18:14

DM’s birthday today. I invited my mum, dad and siblings etc up for a mini tea party to celebrate. Made a large spread of food and bought lots of thoughtful gifts. DM proceeds to open the gifts and DS (6) asks if she can pass her presents around for everyone to open one each. I said to ds that it’s Granny’s birthday and she should really open her own presents and maybe he could help her. He asked her again and she said “that’s for your mother to decide”. I told him to “help” her open them and he ran off a into another room refusing to come back. Granny then refused to open them as he wouldn’t come back and watch her and stuffed the gift bag into a career bag to take home. She then loudly stated that he’d spoiled everything and that there’s no way I or my siblings would have behaved this way. I said that he’s only 6 and that sometimes children act silly and that she needs to lower her expectations. She sat there for the rest of her “party” with a face like thunder, even when we brought the cake out and sung happy birthday! Ds refused to sing and she spent the whole time looking at ds “not singing”. She left with her unopened gifts and stated that she’ll “remember this birthday for a long time to come”. Didn’t say goodbye to ds and the kitchen is now a bomb site that I have to 🧼 clean. Wondering why I bothered and thinking the whole thing was a disaster! 😔

OP posts:
SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 20/03/2019 19:26

Sorry but she was acting like a dick.Your 6 year old was acting a bit bratty (my ds acts like that too sometimes) but she's the adult,she should have laughed it off

AlexaAmbidextra · 20/03/2019 19:28

IMO your child sounds extremely spoilt. And to say ‘I’m only a child’? Seems he’s learned to be manipulative at a very young age. Presumably he’s heard you use it as an excuse every time he plays up. Like others have said, I should think your mother’s sick to the back teeth of his bad behaviour and you pandering to it. You haven’t yet said what his punishment was for ruining the party.

slipperywhensparticus · 20/03/2019 19:28

Your ds acted like a child your mom upped the anti by behaving in a more childish way than a child! Your right it wasnt worth it get your son to help you clean and have words with him tell your mam it's her last party at your house

WanderingAimlessly · 20/03/2019 19:30

Does your 6 year old go to his Year 2 friends birthday parties? If so, he knows how presents work. My 6 year old (youngest in his year group) would never pull this shit. Your DM was a bit Hmm in her reaction but like pp said, maybe she’s fed up of this sort of indulgent response to crap behaviour by your 6 year old?

mrsm43s · 20/03/2019 19:31

Your son was really naughty, and you didn't deal with it appropriately. As a result, your DMs birthday was ruined. It seems as though your DM overreacted, but if your DS frequently ruins events with his unchecked poor behaviour, your DM might just be fed up with it.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 20/03/2019 19:33

Your son behaved like a brat. You’re clearly indulging bad behaviour and he’s parroting this “I’m only a child” crap.

EugenesAxe · 20/03/2019 19:33

Also agree with Housework - you aren't giving him enough boundaries. Your DM was a bit precious but your DS is obviously behaving like that because he runs rings around you and knows that kind of behaviour will normally let him get his way. He's not 'only 6' - 6 is quite old in my mind. I would be stamping out this display of entitlement much earlier.

OKBobble · 20/03/2019 19:34

I suspect your mother reacted that way because you always indulge your son and it was the last straw.

Leeds2 · 20/03/2019 19:36

I think your mum's reaction was OTT, but maybe she had had enough of DS's behaviour (on this and, maybe, previous occasions)? He really shouldn't be behaving like that.
What did your dad and siblings say?

adulthumanwolf · 20/03/2019 19:37

Surely you tell a 6 yo that it's not their birthday today, that they only open presents on their own birthday. Your DM then looked to you as his parent to tell him, and you didn't.

DM reaction was a bit shit for an adult, but I think you should have nipped it in the bud before that.

Does DS has form for needing it to be about him? If he was 2 I'd understand but he's 6. A 6 year old should have learned by now that not every occasion is about them. Does he socialise with other children at parties? How does he act in school?

Readysteadygoat · 20/03/2019 19:41

Whilst I can't imagine him asking to help open someone else's presents, stropping off and later refusing to sing are behaviour I'd expect from my 7yo if he was overexcited. He's emotionally immature not badly parented - DS1 was different altogether.
In the above situation I would've ignored the behaviour and I'm sure my DM or MIL would have too. Until he realised he was missing out and came back

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 20/03/2019 19:41

DM threw a hissy fit yes, but your DS was very badly behaved and for him to say 'i'm only a child' shows he's repeating the excuses you make for his behaviour. I agree with PPs I bet this isn't unusual behaviour from your child, your mother is probably sick of it

LondonJax · 20/03/2019 19:41

Maybe when you're DM said 'that's for your mother to decide' she was hinting that you should say 'no, you've been told it's Granny's birthday and she opens her own presents'. Instead you said 'you can help Granny'. So you've pander to him. If he does 'help' open other peoples presents it's a habit I suggest you break very quickly. He's not going to be popular with school friends if he tries this at their parties and you're not going to be popular with their parents. DS had a friend who used to be allowed to get away with that. Until he tried to 'help' DS open his presents at his birthday party with the encouragement of his mum - 'I'm sure LondonJax DS won't mind you helping darling'. To which I replied 'DS might not mind but I do. His presents, he opens them - when you've gone'.

I've excused myself when DS has had a strop in the past, gone in to have a word with him and told him to behave or bed. Oddly enough he's behaved like a dream when he realises he won't be centre of attention no matter how he behaves.

You've not come back to say if your DS does this regularly, which may give some understanding as to why you're DM was p'd off. But she is a grown up so should have been more gracious to the rest of the guests.

adulthumanwolf · 20/03/2019 19:43

What's being an only child got to do with it? Im an only child. It doesn't mean it's ok to learn to be selfish. Don't teach him to perpetuate the stereotype of being a brat, that's not something you want them to learn.

Billben · 20/03/2019 19:46

I’m not surprised at your DM’s behaviour. I wouldn’t want anybody helping me to open MY presents and I’m shocked you encourage this behaviour in your DS.

SoupDragon · 20/03/2019 19:46

What's being an only child got to do with it?

Nothing - it was only a child not an only child.

snowdrop6 · 20/03/2019 19:48

That's bad....bad parenting indeed.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/03/2019 19:48

Your mother's reaction was ridiculous, but your lack of parenting and employing discipline is alarming. Your son's behaviour is something you'd expect from a 3 year old, not a 6 year old. I wonder if your mother's extreme reaction was born from being frustrated by a history of your lack of proper parenting.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 20/03/2019 19:48

I agree with virtually everyone. At 6 (and yes I do know a lot of 6 year olds, thanks) this behaviour is a bit much. What did you say to him when he said granny had been "mean"? Surely that's your opportunity to say no, granny was unimpressed/cross/whatever with how you acted.

Your DM could definitely have been more tolerant but she's probably had enough.

Joebloggswazere · 20/03/2019 19:49

I think OP has stropped off into another room......

ASundayWellSpent · 20/03/2019 19:49

Ah children eh, they always show you up at the best/worst times!!

I would have been seriously unimpressed with my DD and she's coming up to five. Would have taken her for a word, a five min cool off and expected her back at the party.

As far as DM, my dad is a bit sulky like this, though not quite as bad. He would have had a face on him too I suppose!

NoooorthonerMum · 20/03/2019 19:49

If a 6vyear old sulks because he can't open someone else's presents you should ignore him. If he's still sulking at cake time he can't have a slice of cake. I think dm was reacting badly. Yes DS behaved badly but she shouldn't have let it ruin the birthday that was rude of her. DS could easily have been ignored and everything carried on as normal.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 20/03/2019 19:49

Not great on your DM's part but is she growing tired of your DS's behaviour and everything revolving around him? Unless you are going to dripfeed SN then he sounds like a 3 year old. And yes, I have both a 3yo and a 6yo. He was allowed to spoil your DM's occasion.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 20/03/2019 19:51

Unless you are going to dripfeed SN

Yes I wondered about this

Deadringer · 20/03/2019 19:52

Saying that it's Granny's birthday and she should 'really' open her own presents sounds very namby pamby. You should have said no ds, it's not your birthday, it's Granny's and she will open her presents herself. At 6 your ds should know better but if he doesn't it's up to you to make him understand. Your dm over reacted but it sounds like she is fed up pandering to your child. Of course she could be just a cow, only you know for sure. As pp said your op is a bit 'woe is me' and passive aggressive. None of it sounded much fun for anyone, I definitely wouldn't bother next time.

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