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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I bother😕

241 replies

user1498912461 · 20/03/2019 18:14

DM’s birthday today. I invited my mum, dad and siblings etc up for a mini tea party to celebrate. Made a large spread of food and bought lots of thoughtful gifts. DM proceeds to open the gifts and DS (6) asks if she can pass her presents around for everyone to open one each. I said to ds that it’s Granny’s birthday and she should really open her own presents and maybe he could help her. He asked her again and she said “that’s for your mother to decide”. I told him to “help” her open them and he ran off a into another room refusing to come back. Granny then refused to open them as he wouldn’t come back and watch her and stuffed the gift bag into a career bag to take home. She then loudly stated that he’d spoiled everything and that there’s no way I or my siblings would have behaved this way. I said that he’s only 6 and that sometimes children act silly and that she needs to lower her expectations. She sat there for the rest of her “party” with a face like thunder, even when we brought the cake out and sung happy birthday! Ds refused to sing and she spent the whole time looking at ds “not singing”. She left with her unopened gifts and stated that she’ll “remember this birthday for a long time to come”. Didn’t say goodbye to ds and the kitchen is now a bomb site that I have to 🧼 clean. Wondering why I bothered and thinking the whole thing was a disaster! 😔

OP posts:
paisho · 20/03/2019 20:27

He's not an only child? I'm lost.

He (and she) said that he's "only a child", not "an only child".

EmeraldShamrock · 20/03/2019 20:28

It was very thoughtful of you to have them over. Your DM should have thanked you.

sonjadog · 20/03/2019 20:32

But why should he help her open her birthday presents? Why does it have to be about "pleasing him"? The person whose birthday it is is the one who should be "pleased" and a six year old is plenty old enough to know that. You made her birthday gift opening about him. Can you not see that that is not appropriate and is the way to raise a spoilt self-centered child?

Frenchmontana · 20/03/2019 20:36

He isn't 6 though is he?

BlueMerchant · 20/03/2019 20:37

She's old enough to know better. She made it worse. Yes, agree he was rude but would have been best to ignore him on this occasion.

paisho · 20/03/2019 20:40

Your DM overreacted, your DS was rude, and you're in denial if you think that's how all kids behave.

and that he is only a child (he’s repeating what I said that he’s only a child lol)

Him repeating that is not something to be proud of by the way lol.

BeardyButton · 20/03/2019 20:43

Jeez. Sometimes I do wonder at all the 'petulant', 'how did you reprimand him' comments. He is a 6 year old kid. I have taught 6 year olds. Not just one or two. But many, many 6 year olds. They are almost all on occasion petulant. Petulance is almost like the job description of being a 6 year old. Sure! As a mother you have to help them understand how to get past their petulance... But you are not going to do that by 'reprimanding' them.

StarlightIntheNight · 20/03/2019 20:44

I think, you are catering too much to him. Why should he decide how your mom opens her gifts? He is 6! Not, 2! At age 2 or 3, we let the kids open gifts for others etc. At age 6, they understand that its not their place to open someone else's gift!

colditz · 20/03/2019 20:45

Your son is indulged and your mother is rude.

Stop indulging your son - not for your mother's sake, but for his own sake. Asking for people's birthday presents isn't acceptable from school aged children unless they child has some significant developmental delays.

As for parroting "I'm just a child" - He's a NAUGHTY child. That's why he behaves like that. Most 6 year olds don't.

NoSquirrels · 20/03/2019 20:46

You were in the wrong for suggesting he could "help" your mum open the presents - he's 6, he should accept No, they're Granny's to open. If your Mum had wanted to offer that would have been different.

Your DS was in the wrong for having a strop.

Your Mum was in the wrong for perpetuating it.

But without being there it's too hard to know who was the main offender!

Ellieboolou27 · 20/03/2019 20:47

Yes his 6 and should have acted better but all said and done he is still a kid, your mother is the adult and should lead by example, not act like a child herself.
My mum would have tried to console them moved on if my dd was being brattish, but your mum took a bit far I feel.

sagradafamiliar · 20/03/2019 20:52

I think the 6 year old can be forgiven for acting like, well, a child and not written off just yet. Blimey. So he was a bit huffy, probably better that he took himself out the room then.
Your DM shouldn't have batted an eyelid and just carried on opening her presents. It's hurtful and pathetic to act the way she did. She cut off her nose to spite her face.

BeardyButton · 20/03/2019 20:54

Whats completely hilarious are the posters... Telling the OP - in extremely rude language (eg brat) - that shes at fault for her parenting. He is 6. Whats their excuse?And if its her fault for raising a rude child, then perhaps their parents need to be 'reprimanded'. Pot. Kettle. Black.

lisamac28 · 20/03/2019 21:01

He isn't 6 though is he?

What do you mean? OP said he's 6.

mcmooberry · 20/03/2019 21:01

Aw what a shame, it sounds like you'd made a huge effort no wonder you feel defeated! Your DM spoiled the day not your DS. Somehow my children all behave so much worse when their disapproving grandfather is around, I can sympathise!! xx

Betsy86 · 20/03/2019 21:05

Well im just gutted i didn’t get invited.
Sounds like it was a hoot...

Tennesseewhiskey · 20/03/2019 21:07

I assume pp means that a quick search says ops son was very almost 6, 18 months ago.

lisamac28 · 20/03/2019 21:12

I assume pp means that a quick search says ops son was very almost 6, 18 months ago

Oh right, how strange.

OohYeBelter47 · 20/03/2019 21:16

You shouldn't have said he could help only the person whose presents they are can state that (I wouldn't let anyone help me open my presents even if it was a child!), however your Mother was far worse, how silly, ungrateful and rude of her.

VelvetPineapple · 20/03/2019 21:22

My SIL is heading in this direction. Her DS is three and at Xmas he screamed and cried until he was allowed to unwrap our gifts before we arrived. At my DS’s birthday party SIL actually brought some gifts for her own DS so he wouldn’t feel left out! Imo kids should be taught from the beginning that it’s not always their turn to receive a gift. OP shouldn’t have suggested DC could “help” or permitted to run off in a tantrum.

DistanceCall · 20/03/2019 21:29

Dinky - you clearly don’t know many 6 year olds 🤔Yes I did tell him off and try and get him back into the room but I couldn’t force him to come out.

If you can't force your 6-year-old to come out of a room, you're in serious trouble. And yes, I know plenty of 6-year-olds.

Your mother was rude. But it sounds like you're a doormat raising a spoilt brat.

mumoflittlemice · 20/03/2019 21:30

Jeez. Sometimes I do wonder at all the 'petulant', 'how did you reprimand him' comments. He is a 6 year old kid. I have taught 6 year olds. Not just one or two. But many, many 6 year olds. They are almost all on occasion petulant. Petulance is almost like the job description of being a 6 year old. Sure! As a mother you have to help them understand how to get past their petulance... But you are not going to do that by 'reprimanding' them.

This.

Tomorrow's another day hey. Flowers

lisamac28 · 20/03/2019 21:30

At my DS’s birthday party SIL actually brought some gifts for her own DS so he wouldn’t feel left out!

Oh dear! I know 2 people who did this with their kids and it was a disaster. One started school and couldn't cope with not being the centre of the universe and has been in therapy for a while now. The other one is an adult now and can't hold down a job or a successful relationship.

lisamac28 · 20/03/2019 21:32

^Obviously there were other things too, not just one off buying them presents on someone elses birthday.

TheLoneWolfDies · 20/03/2019 21:39

Ok the whole not really being 6 thing is very odd whats that all about