To ask if people dislike you because you are quiet?

[jdty]

I am very quiet and have been since I was a child. Its always been seen as a negative trait and I would often be told speak by irritated and frustrated family members/ teachers/ family friends etc.

Most recently as an adult I was told that someone didn't like me because I was too quiet. It was one of DH's cousins whom I meet every now and again at family functions/ weddings etc so maybe a couple of times a year.

I am always polite and smile and say hello. I have never been rude ( though I understand that being quiet is often perceived as rude). I don't have any ill feeling towards that person and thought that they were nice enough so I was quite hurt to hear that she disliked me simply because of being quiet and not for anything that I had done.

I think it's pretty sad that im disliked/ hated by people for not causing any harm / malice towards them but for being quiet.

My grandmother-in-law dislikes me because in her words "I'm a wallflower."

Thing is, even if I wanted to talk I wouldn't be able to get a word in edgeways with that family and their Daily Mail inspired rants.

It doesn't bother me to be honest. I'd rather not be close to people that shallow.

Yes several people have made it known to me over the years. I like being quiet I am also fairly shy and prefer to stand out the way where I am not noticed.

I'm quiet as well, until I know someone really quite well.
An ex once told me his family didn't like me because I was too quiet, like you I was always polite, said hello etc and made polite conversation. His family lived far away from us so we barely saw them and he knew it was difficult for me but I guess didn't 'get' it. (Current DH gets it 😁)

I think some people just don't understand that it's possible to enjoy someone's company without having to fill every minute with talking. And some people just can't be bothered to put effort into getting to know people properly before writing them off!

If you're quiet, people think you're a deep thinker who's judging them Mostly of course you're wondering what to have for tea

I hope you are my next neighbour x 😊

Probably. But I don’t care what they think. My family and friends know and like me. How bloody rude for someone to say that, although I’ve heard it said more often that someone doesn’t like someone because they’re too loud. Can’t please everyone!

some people just can't be bothered to put effort into getting to know people properly before writing them off!

Thing is it’s diffuclt to get to know quiet people who refuse to engage in any conversation! Beyond daily chit chat don’t you have thoughts to share or opinions?

Too much like hard work!

My ex's family apparently didn't like me because I am quiet. They said I was stand offish. I'm just quiet. And, like a pp, not interested in joining in with their verbal Daily Mail shit.

I can be very quite and try very hard to chat to people but often can’t find something to talk about, so I think it can become awkward.
I’ve met people quite than me and sometimes avoid them because I find the searching for something to talk about with a quieter person really difficult.

I find the chattier the person the chattier I am

I'm quiet. I'm not good at small talk and avoid situations/people as I never know what to say. I wish I wasn't like it. I suppose I come across as stand-offish or snobby but I can't help it.

Yes, people think that I think I’m better than them or I don’t like them but it’s more that I can’t get a word in with some people.

I’m very introverted and recently had a huge falling out with my in-laws because of it. They are extroverts, apart from my DH, who is more like myself. They accused me of not being involved enough with their lives and in the end I had to get up and leave. It was a quiet exit, I didn’t want to draw attention to myself by angrily storming out (as I said, very introverted!).

It was just awful and I’ve not spoken to them since.

I'm quiet unless I know you well. I know it rubs people up the wrong way but I also find it helps weed out the bellends.

Yes, it seems to make people deeply uncomfortable for some reason. I look at it as their problem, not mine. People who actually care about you will understand and accept you the way you are.

Ugh, I know how this feels. I don’t have any mum friends or friends in my town because I just don’t think people warm to me that much. Or they think I’m standoffish. I’m just introverted, and shy, and I struggle with small talk when it comes to people I don’t know very well. I don’t think I’m shitty company, but equally I’m never going to be the life and soul of anyone’s party

More recently I’ve started to think that I could be autistic and that would explain a LOT.

I think there was a thread on here a while ago where people basically said extroverts can not understand introverts.

I often think many extroverts are that busy dashing through life they can’t stand to be slowed down, introverts enjoy looking round and appreciating the scenery a bit more.

It’s not that either are wrong, they’re just on different modes of transport. Just like the fast car driver might get annoyed at the cyclist trundling along they both need to learn to share the road

Yep. I agree it’s often perceived as rudeness but I’m always polite, I just prefer a quiet life, in all aspects.

On the flip side, I'm super sociable. Most people like this but the ones that don't REALLY don't - I guess they find me annoying.

I have several introverted friends - I'd never force them to be more outgoing. You have to accept your friends for what they are (unless they're dickheads. Mine aren't!)

I'm so quiet that my husband has said to me, "I might as well live on my own." :)

I love being quiet and having quietness around me. I think people like us are quite lucky actually.

People dislike me because I have aspergers. Must don’t know I have aspergers. I’m quiet because I know if I talk I’ll say something weird or inappropriate without realising. So I’m seen as an unsociable snob. Only the people who know me well realise how innacurate that is

Yes absolutely. From childhood I have had people tell me i’m too quiet, from the ‘in crowd’ at school to work contacts to boyfriends. Now that I have a primary aged child I feel inadequate that i’m not in the mum clique of his class - though it was never going to happen!

I feel constantly inadequate but I also feel misunderstood. People simple don’t get it and I’m too tired, depressed, repressed or simply inadequate to explain it.

I hear you though!! x

I've had quite a bit of hassle for being "too quiet". OP have you read Quiet by Susan Cain? I found that helpful. I fake confidence at work, but recently overheard a colleague bitching about me, saying I was "too confident". You can't win. Do your own thing OP!

I get this. I work in a place where staff are all “friends” that do everything together and it really goes against me that it’s just not in my nature to want to be with the same people all the time. I need and enjoy alone time. I’m not stuck up or disinterested. Quite annoying actually.

Yes people mistake quietness and shyness for rudeness.

Yep. I think colleagues imagine I am hard work, I feel their mood sink if they are stuck beside me at meals etc.

One told me she thought I'd be a good spy, in a totally backhanded compliment style.

I think I am actually alright one to one, I can maintain a conversation! I'm just not a shouty type.

Anyway the people who matter to me know I am good company.