To ask if people dislike you because you are quiet?

[jdty]

I am very quiet and have been since I was a child. Its always been seen as a negative trait and I would often be told speak by irritated and frustrated family members/ teachers/ family friends etc.

Most recently as an adult I was told that someone didn't like me because I was too quiet. It was one of DH's cousins whom I meet every now and again at family functions/ weddings etc so maybe a couple of times a year.

I am always polite and smile and say hello. I have never been rude ( though I understand that being quiet is often perceived as rude). I don't have any ill feeling towards that person and thought that they were nice enough so I was quite hurt to hear that she disliked me simply because of being quiet and not for anything that I had done.

I think it's pretty sad that im disliked/ hated by people for not causing any harm / malice towards them but for being quiet.

I’m very loud can talk to anyone and I’ve always been confident but I love my quiet friends to bits. I sit and actually keep quiet myself to hear them out.

Sometimes it’s a breath of fresh air to sit comfortably and allow people to come out of their shell, after getting to know them well enough. Most would consider my widowed neighbor quiet. She never speaks up for herself at work or in life, is always kind and the perfect host. When it’s just us at home, we have such a blast, I’m so flattered I’ve got her as a friend. She isn’t a dime a dozen and doesn’t open up to anyone, I really value our friendship and the trust and time she spends with me. ☺️

I think being quiet unsettles people. I’m usually thinking desperately of what to say. I like people, I like to be around them but I often feel a little excluded, I’m a nice person but I lack charm. What I never understand is where are all the other quiet people so I can be friends with them 😆

I suppose the more extrovert people provide entertainment. They don't dislike or hate quiet people. It's just that quiet people aren't as interesting.

Yes! I’m quiet, hate small talk and generally don’t ‘chat’. It freaks people out, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just pretty socially awkward.

If people are exceptionally quiet then it’s hard to have an opinion of them either way really. I do find the attitude of ‘I don’t do small talk’ a bit off putting as if people can’t be bothered to make social conversation (as if it is beneath them to just chat)?. I was recently asked to entertain a friend’s DD as she was new to my area and it was such hard work, she was late teens but every question was answered ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and there was just no attempt to make general conversation. I get that she was probably as bored as I was but never again .

If you are happy being ‘quiet’ then obviously that’s fine so long as you are not rude or aloof.

I work with someone very quiet and although she’s a nice lady she’s actually difficult to talk to because she 1) gives quite short answers to questions 2) doesn’t ask any questions in return. So I struggle through 5 minutes of polite chit chat about nothing before I lose the will to live. Q How was your weekend A Good thanks. Etc etc. Mind you I have a relative who doesn’t stop talking and she also doesn’t ask questions so I have to endure a 20 minute monologue from her about her life. Both are equally rude in their own way I think.

I'm naturally quiet but I've learnt to fake it - mostly for work, because people find it off-putting. It's invariably mistaken for rudeness or standoffishness.

I just put a few safeguards in place :) I'm invariably 'busy' at lunchtime because I need that 45 mins to recharge and put my face back on.

I've got a week long work trip coming up taking in 2 countries and the team are all booking the same hotels. I'm quietly picking my air bnbs because if I had to socialize all day and night as well; I would actually have a breakdown.

Poppylizzyrose what a lovely post

Agree with Ragwort. People just don’t get to form an opinion on you either way if you are monosyllabic — there’s just no material available to see whether they like the person or not — and the effect on other people is the same whether you’re silent because you’re shy, silent because you’re aloof, silent because you’re rude, silent because you are thinking deep thoughts, or silent because you’ve stuck your teeth together with toffee, because they aren’t psychic. They’re probably bored.

I don't mind if people are quiet.
What I do mind about is if people are so quiet that talking to them is hard work at a party or event. You know the kind of person who if you ask them something gives single word answers and asks nothing about you. I feel they are takers who want you simply to entertain them while they make no effort at all.

I’m often perceived as quiet. I’m not, but take a very long time to warm up enough to be myself around new people. I am also of the school of thought that it is a waste of time and energy to talk for talkings sake. I may not speak up often but when I do it is usually worth listening to, or something that is at least important to me. I can’t stand small talk - I don’t like to ask questions when I don’t actually care what the answer is. That’s why I rarely get my haircut, because I don’t need the bullshit chat they insist on giving you. I just want to sit, have a nice head massage while they wash my hair, and enjoy the peace and QUIET!!!!

I’m the same bananafish. I had to do that for a week and I was almost in tears by the last day because I couldn’t get away and spend any time on my own.

I'd love to do small talk, I just never know what to say! I'm not rude and wouldn't just answer yes/no and leave it at that but the convo would dry up pretty quick. I do ask questions but then feel like I'm been nosy! My immediate family and close friends would be shocked at this as in life and soul when I'm with them! Say for instance today, I went to pick an order up from a local shop. At the next till was someone I knew very well a few years ago, went out drinking and partying with but we lost touch and not really seen them for years to talk to. I ended up wandering round the shop waiting for her to leave as I couldn't cope with the "hi, how are you, what u been up to" kind of convo. She was at the till ages and I left with getting my order. How ridiculous is that!

It’s hard to like someone who doesn’t engage, join in, or share anything of themselves. They tend to be really hard work to get to know at all. Bit of a step too far to actively dislike them for it, though.

I also found it hard to get along with the inlaws because I was quieter than them. I was fine one on one but when they were all together I retreated and stayed quiet. They ignored me. I often flicked through a book just for something to occupy myself with as I was alone in a room full of people.
They didnt like it and I didnt like them enough to remedy my reaction to them.
However I didnt actually give a damn so eventually it sorted itself out.They came to accept me and I started interacting with them a little more. We are not best buddies but nobody hates anyone. I think thats the best outcome to hope for.

I dislike people who never shut up so am not surprised some people dislike quiet people.

Me too!
Cannot for the life ofme make polite small talk, unlike EXDH who could walk into any pub and start talking to complete strangers.
I think there should be a club for quiet introverts where we can all meet up, sit in silence and NOT feel inadequate or seen as standoffish.

Danny...been there, done that.

Hedgyhoggy, over here (waves)

I think they can. I’m fairly anxious socially and a bit awkward, bad experiences in school and life have left their scars. Not only does it come across as rude but, I’m told, people can sense vulnerability which some people love to take advantage of and be nasty. Equally extroverts may not understand why someone is anxious and just get impatient and annoyed by shyness or quietness. Once I know someone I’m not quiet. But I don’t trust people easily. So my quiet isn’t just natural personality sadly.

I'm quiet and an introvert and it's been a real struggle to make friends as yes, they do see me as being rude and standoffish - I just can't think of anything to say! But I love my friends to bits, they've got to know me despite my quietness and know that I am one of the most loyal people they could meet.
I am a target for extroverts though, my quietness gives them a platform for being loud and talking too much. It's exhausting!

I am a quiet introvert. I’ve been told by several people over the years that they dislike me because of that. I have also had a few good friends admit that when we first met, they were skeptical, but once they took the time to get to know me, they realized their initial assessment was wrong.

People just dislike me.

The world is built around extroverts and that’s just the way it is. I’m an introvert who can “get it up” for people when the occasions calls for it, then I go straight back to my natural state. Not everyone can do that though. For my part, I dislike people who won’t STFU so it must all balance out in the end

Yep, I'm quiet, why and happy at home with just dp and dd
I will say hello when spoken to but won't go out of my way for small talk
People see me as rude or whatever but eh who cares, I don't need to be the center of attention and talking 24/7 to feel validated