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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH at weekends

247 replies

Hoopaloop · 15/03/2019 19:54

DH works full time, getting home from work at half 6 most nights. We have a 3yr old. He is also doing a college course which he has been doing for 3 years. I'm sick of his studying, he expects a day at the weekend to do it and whinges about not having any time in the evenings to do it. He's just asked me if he can go for a long run with his friend on Sunday morning. Clearly, he can't do both and I've told him this. He thinks I'm being unreasonable to expect to have the whole weekend as a family. I think he has quite enough hobbytime and that he shouldn't expect to be able to run and study. AIBU to expect him to spend time with me and our child?

OP posts:
drinkygin · 15/03/2019 19:56

Yes you are. He’s studying presumably to improve himself and his future prospects. The last thing he will feel like doing after work is hitting the books. Why can’t you do something together Sunday afternoon? You are being very unreasonable I’m afraid.

MightyAtlantic · 15/03/2019 19:56

YANBU to want more family time at the weekend, but YABU to think that study time and hobby time are the same thing. He can't relax and unwind if he's studying!

edwinbear · 15/03/2019 19:57

YABU - I don’t suppose he much enjoys the studying either, but presumably it’s a means to an end? Did he discuss it with you before he stated?

MotherWol · 15/03/2019 19:59

I think it depends on what the course is and why he’s doing it. Has he really been studying for the last three years? When does he graduate, and what will it mean for his prospects? And what about you - what’s your work life balance like?

TheLoneWolfDies · 15/03/2019 20:01

Very unreasonable, hes only one person hes entitled to go for a run its not as if hes asking to go to the pub. I wouldnt even say unreasonable i would say selfish. Why would you say your sick of his studying? What exactly do you expect from him? Do you work? Or do you just live off his wages and then get pissed off when hes trying to better himself to the benefit of you?

adulthumanwolf · 15/03/2019 20:01

When do you get your you time?

TheLoneWolfDies · 15/03/2019 20:02

And also, why does he have to get your permission to go for a run? That sounds very controlling.

drinkygin · 15/03/2019 20:04

@thelonewolfdies yes! Exactly this. I’d be absolutely baffled if my husband asked permission to do anything, let alone go for a run? I’m not his mum!

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/03/2019 20:06

Why is he asking if he’s allowed to go for a run? Did you have other plans?

What’s he studying for, fun or potential career development?

rwalker · 15/03/2019 20:06

He wants a morning for a run yes you are being unreasonble . As someone said studying is to improve prospects and works is work so a few hours to for a run is not unreasonble .

jmpt29 · 15/03/2019 20:07

Confused surely you know you're being U. Studying isn't a hobby. He needs to do something to relax he seems like he'd doing a lot. Full time job and studying for 3 years, exercise is a great way for him to relax and get rid of any stress. Also another one not quite sure why he needs permission to run??

Passthecake30 · 15/03/2019 20:07

YABU, so lono as he's effectively studying (not hiting the internet for diversions etc), you should cut him some slack.
What does he do in the evenings? Could that time be better spent?

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 15/03/2019 20:07

Invest in a sturdy running pushchair.....

Skypatrol · 15/03/2019 20:08

Presumably he's not asking her permission to run, but that op is happy to have the child while he does it.

Tbh op I can understand your frustration, when do you ever get a break?

Popskipiekin · 15/03/2019 20:08

Is it accountancy OP? My DH studied for CIMA, after work and weekends. He started just before DC1 was born, qualified when DC1 was 4. It was a long hard 4 years for us both, and we had DC2 by then as well.
People applauded his efforts, but they always forgot it was hugely supported by my sacrifices too by doing evening and weekend childcare. It felt lonely and relentless at times. Not fun for anyone. So you have my sympathy. But presumably DH is doing this to improve all your prospects? He needs to study in the evenings, of course he does. And not leave it all to weekends. But yep he also probably needs time at the weekend to study, and you both need wind down time. So perhaps yes there really is only one afternoon a week when you’re all together, for now. Sooner he gets this done the better. Good luck Flowers

TheLoneWolfDies · 15/03/2019 20:09

drinkygin im baffled that she thinks thats normal. If she put up that she had to ask permission to do things itd be a whole different story. I feel sorry for him.

museumum · 15/03/2019 20:10

A weekend is quite long. Dh and I manage to have 3-4 hours each alone to exercise or chill plus twice that together as a family. We tend to each do our thing 8-12ish and do stuff together as a family for lunch, the afternoon and dinner.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 15/03/2019 20:12

Presumably he's asking because it would require her to look after the kids while he's out? Hmm

Skypatrol · 15/03/2019 20:12

Maybe it was less "a.m. I allowed to run", and more "are you ok to have the he 3 year old while I run", maybe op is drained from doing all the childcare alone.

Original poster
Hoopaloop · 15/03/2019 20:12

YABU - I don’t suppose he much enjoys the studying either, but presumably it’s a means to an end? Did he discuss it with you before he stated?

Kind of, he'd been asking work about it for a while and they said that they'd pay for it. But it started a month after our son was born and has been a weight I've had to carry since!

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 15/03/2019 20:13

So when does he take the kids so the OP can have a break?

ShinyRuby · 15/03/2019 20:13

What's he like after a long run? If he's knackered & not wanting to do anything else then YANBU. If it's not too long then it's probably ok as long as you have a chance for some time as well. The studying sounds like it's for your future? If so it's NU that he needs time to do it but not a complete day.

SrSteveOskowski · 15/03/2019 20:13

He has to 'ask your permission' to go for a run and you wonder if you're being unfair? Hmm

RedSkyLastNight · 15/03/2019 20:14

Is your 3 year old at nursery? I.e. do you get time to yourself that he doesn't?

Casmama · 15/03/2019 20:14

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I would suggest that he goes for the run on Sunday morning and studies on Sunday afternoon- into the evening if needs be.
He took on this course knowing that he had a family and family should not be the lowest priority.