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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH at weekends

247 replies

Hoopaloop · 15/03/2019 19:54

DH works full time, getting home from work at half 6 most nights. We have a 3yr old. He is also doing a college course which he has been doing for 3 years. I'm sick of his studying, he expects a day at the weekend to do it and whinges about not having any time in the evenings to do it. He's just asked me if he can go for a long run with his friend on Sunday morning. Clearly, he can't do both and I've told him this. He thinks I'm being unreasonable to expect to have the whole weekend as a family. I think he has quite enough hobbytime and that he shouldn't expect to be able to run and study. AIBU to expect him to spend time with me and our child?

OP posts:

sansou · 15/03/2019 20:38

Suggest the local Park Run on Sat mornings - there are a few running with their dogs and pushing a buggy! He only needs an hour at most if one is nearby - 5km run in 30 mins plus time to get there & back. Home by 10am tops so still have the rest of the day to do family stuff/give you a break. He can study on Sunday.

WhiteDust · 15/03/2019 20:38

He gets DC up before leaving the house, works all day, comes home & puts DC to bed, is trying to further his career and studies at the weekend... when does he find time fit his 'hobbies' in? His life sounds pretty full on.
YABU. He wants to go for a run and you think he's BU?? Really?

Ginger1982 · 15/03/2019 20:38

Do you work OP?

Quartz2208 · 15/03/2019 20:39

I tihnk the OP is being unfairly treated - he seems to want to do a long run (presumably not under an hour) and wants the OP to do all the childcare

DH and I always check plans with each other/calendar to make sure it fits with the other

Ohyesiam · 15/03/2019 20:39

Do you get any hobby time op?

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 15/03/2019 20:40

Do you work full time OP?

HarrySnotter · 15/03/2019 20:41

I wouldn't see the point in being married to him, he just wants all his free time to himself.Why should OP be a single parent when shes married?

Eh?

RedSkyLastNight · 15/03/2019 20:41

If OP works full time as well, sounds like DH actually does way more childcare during the week.

Wheresthebeach · 15/03/2019 20:41

Unreasonable to expect him to devote 100% of his free time to doing what you want him to; a run is a good thing to do. If you feel you never get a break then you need to sort that, rather than get upset over a run.

thedisorganisedmum · 15/03/2019 20:43

Skypatrol
Why is she lucky that he can do those things?
because most of working parents, mother or father, don't have such family-friendly hours!

Littleraindrop15 · 15/03/2019 20:44

Wow op controlling much? Yabu

PandaSky · 15/03/2019 20:45

Why should OP be a single parent when shes married?

ODFOD, OPs situation is NOTHING like a single parent's!

Ginseng1 · 15/03/2019 20:47

Why is she 'lucky' he gets his son ready for nursery n does bedtimes? And if I am going for a run r something myself at the w/e I'll say to dh is that ok meaning is he OK to have the kids r had he something in mind he'd like us to do or something n dh does same when he organises to go for a cycle with his friend he'll check with me it's not asking 'permission'!! How long a run we talking about & if he goes n back early it's OK? Erk I hope the studying is worth it i don't blame u being frustrated but hopefully he appreciates the fact that he couldn't do it with out you!

TheCrowFromBelow · 15/03/2019 20:47

TheLone but then it’s I’m going for a run, you look after the baby, I’m doing my studying, you look after the baby.
When does OP get her time if her DH is “bagsying” all the free time at the weekend and they aren’t asking each other?
I do think OP could say yes if nothing else on, but she needs to get a bit of what she wants as well.

And just to say: Getting his own child ready in the morning isn’t “lucky” it’s parenting. He’s a parent

BishooWishoo · 15/03/2019 20:48

If he’s eg studying all day Saturday and out for a run all Sunday morning, when does OP get to relax? When do they spend time together as a family? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say you each get a day, rather than the DH getting 3/4 of the weekend to do his stuff, whatever that stuff is. He has a child - when you have a family, you get les time to study and less time for leisure.

Skypatrol · 15/03/2019 20:48

Disorganisedmum presumably somebody has to drop off and pick up the child from nursery? Or am I living in a parallel universe and most people have a nanny?

He gets the child ready for nursery and puts the child to bed, on what planet is that not what every parent does?

Ragwort · 15/03/2019 20:49

Do you work Op? Do you have time for your hobbies? (You are avoiding answering these questions).

So often on threads like these the DW seems to just want her DH to ‘hang around’ having family time ... the DH here sounds hard working & motivated if he studies & gets exercise in at weekends, good for him.

BishooWishoo · 15/03/2019 20:50

And it’s not like she’s sitting on her arse watching tv and eating bonbons while he’s putting THEIR son to bed. She’s doing other family related stuff.

Badwifey · 15/03/2019 20:50

My Dh is in your position, 6 years now! I'm a sahm so I do most of the household stuff and look after dd the most.

It's tough on both of us. I desperately miss doing family things when he takes her out at weekends so I can study. It makes me sad that he gets to be fun time daddy and I'm always working.
It's tough on him because yes he probably doesn't get as much free time to do the things he wants. He sits reading in the evenings so I can work, he takes dd on long walks so I can work, he puts her to bed so I can work. He's often made dinners so I can get assignments done.
I would be lost without him and I am so grateful he gives me the time I need.
I would be heartbroken if my Dh was so resentful. He needs to de-stress sometimes too.

Ginseng1 · 15/03/2019 20:51

I'd hardly call it exceptional family friendly hours that he can get child ready for nursery n be there for bedtime how do other working parents manage no crèche will put them to bed for you!

Abdolly · 15/03/2019 20:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

thedisorganisedmum · 15/03/2019 20:52

Skypatrol
parents swap, so one starts later and finishes even later, or use childminder, au-pairs, family members. Having 1 parent doing childcare whilst the other one cook is quite unheard of

I have spent full weeks without seeing my kids because they were not awake when I left, and already asleep when I came back.

I know on MN world people work 9 to 5 with a 3 minute commute, but in real life most of us don't.

timeisnotaline · 15/03/2019 20:54

This is a very strange thread. It does sound like he pulls his weight, but family time and personal time for the op are both important. 3 years is quite a long time, I too wonder what he is studying. However useful it is for his career (in how many more years?) if my dp had taken on any extra non family workload a week after our baby was born I might have been homicidal, I definitely would be hugely enormously resentful.
In our house we would have to do some weekday evening time for either study or hobby, weekends aren’t long enough. It would make a difference if op works and if he is effective at study time, and if op gets hobby time.

RedPanda2 · 15/03/2019 20:55

YNBU to expect him to, but you can't make him want to

Skypatrol · 15/03/2019 20:55

Thedisorganisedmum I would say that you are lucky that you had someone to look after your children full time for weeks on end, because in the real world most parents have to do it themselves.

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