To think being a wedding guest is bloody expensive!

[NuclearReactor]

Just spent 350 on a two night stay for a friends wedding in a lovely hotel. On top of this there's an outfit, travel expenses, food,drink and wedding present to buy! I love my friend to bits and this is not a dig at her as I wouldn't miss it for the world but my god, I could go on a holiday for the same price!

AIBU to think everything regarding weddings is so pricey these days?!? (I've also spent £200 on a bridesmaid dress before for my SIL wedding which enraged me slightly massively)

There is a peculiar assumption that everyone is thrilled to be given the opport6to spend all day at your wedding.
You wanted to get married. I didn't ask you to. You invited me and I'm coming to show support. I'm bollocksed if I'm saving up for you too! There's a weird arrogance about hosting a wedding.
"Well my uncle made my dress". Well unless he's making mine too, I dont see your point! Dont tell me how humble you are for getting it cheap then ask me to fork out my time and money because you have champagne taste and a lemonade pocket!

We are going to a close relatives wedding in July. The weekend before our summer holidays start.
As a family of 5, I phoned the hotel and they have managed to get me a ‘bargainous’ rate of £845 for 2 nights. This does include breakfast both days We could have stayed at a guesthouse along the road (it’s on the south coast) but the dds are teens and might want to go and hang out in their room for a bit or want to head to bed before us, whatever. We just wanted to have an option.
The hen do is costing approximately £500, dp is going on the stag do and it will be a similar amount. All in all, I think with clothes (dds are bridesmaids and bride has paid for dresses/shoes/hair etc) for dp, ds and I, gift, travel (couple of hours away in the car), drinks on the day, dinner out the night before etc we are looking at around 3K! The weekend after, dp and I are invited to my cousins wedding - however, it will be a much cheaper affair, they are doing the wedding on a shoe string, holding the reception at a large family house, doing a bbq, we can bring our own booze, we aren’t taking the dc and the accommodation options were very very cheap.
Thank god because we are then going on our family holiday a couple of days after and obviously there will be the rest of the summer holidays to pay for aswell as the school uniform shop....

Of course we didn’t have to go, it’s not compulsory (although the first wedding is actually my mums!) but we definitely want to be a part of both weddings and wouldn’t miss them. We could have cut costs in various areas but like pps, have decided to just enjoy it for what it is - an opportunity to see people we love get married and catch up with family we don’t see often.

I guess that in almost all cases, the many many weddings I’ve been to, have been people I’ve really cared about and loved the idea of seeing get married. Some involved travelling and accommodation and quite a lot were local so costs were minimal.

Perhaps the problem is people invite people they don’t really care about and who don’t really care about them.

People who care about their friends and family don’t demand they travel a great distance, to then spend a fortune on accommodation etc. They don’t organise hen weekends which cost the price of a holiday because they THINK about it and realise the implications and aren’t selfish. They organise a wedding and hen do which involves limited expense for guests and choose what they as hosts can therefore afford and respects other people’s willingness to spend something but to have control over how much.
And good friends are willing to put themselves out for the orhers’ big day. That might involve travel within reasonable limits and some kind of expense.

So don’t ask everyone you’ve ever known but who you don’t care about or who doesn’t care about you. And don’t feel you have to go or have to go on an expensive hen weekend or attend a distant wedding of a slight acquaintance.

I feel fortunate that I’ve been to 70+ weddings and enjoyed them all - honestly I can’t think of one I wish I’d avoided. I also feel fortunate that these people didn’t make huge demands on my money. I went to some hen nights and opted into the bits I liked and could afford and actually only 2 even involved trips abroad and it was fine not to go. And I feel fortunate to have gone to weddings in the plushest hotels and most beautiful marquees in peoples gardens or other fantastic venues and not had to spend a penny as everything including accommodation was provided. But I’ve also loved the weddings where everyone brought a dish and a bottle and we ate in a barn and danced until dawn before crashing in tents. Never have I felt obliged to buy a new dress or felt worried people might have seen it last year. I’ve always given a gift and sometimes it’s been expensive and sometimes not and I’ve always felt I could spend as I chose. And all of the weddings have felt as if the hosts were generous in some form. Some splashed the cash and gave us a luxury day. Others spent hours making loads of it themselves from flower arrangements to crocheted corsage flowers for the ladies and fantastic bands made up of friends. There have been lots of laughing and enjoyment at seeing our loved ones getting married - and that’s the key - that they are loved ones. Yes some have had too much standing about whilst photos were taken and some had a disappointing pudding or dessert ....but hey ho, these things weren’t a big deal because overall the wedding was about them but also thoughtful and generous to the guests. Perhaps I’ve been lucky to have lovely friends and family or perhaps I’m easily pleased. I’m always surprised at how resentful and angry people seem about weddings and why people go or even invite people they don’t love.

I cannot believe the cheek of a couple old enough to have grandchildren having a big blow out wedding with costs to guests as high as that (and doesn't offer to pay them), Cake. Sorry, but I think that is some tacky pisstaking - I mean, a big ol' hen do like a 25-year-old? That's just some mind blowing front.

Oh dear. Last wedding I went to. £2,40 tube fare to Church wearing my nice work clothes (no extra cost). Wedding present at upper end of list range (£35) and £2,40 tube fare home