To think being a wedding guest is bloody expensive!

[NuclearReactor]

Just spent 350 on a two night stay for a friends wedding in a lovely hotel. On top of this there's an outfit, travel expenses, food,drink and wedding present to buy! I love my friend to bits and this is not a dig at her as I wouldn't miss it for the world but my god, I could go on a holiday for the same price!

AIBU to think everything regarding weddings is so pricey these days?!? (I've also spent £200 on a bridesmaid dress before for my SIL wedding which enraged me slightly massively)

"some of this a class thing perhaps?

Dh and I both come from working class families in a deprived industrial area. Expectations may have been different. Weddings were all about going to church then a huge party afterwards."

I'm not convinced it makes any difference. The reason we didn't need a venue is that my wife's family home is used as a wedding venue. Our wedding was all about going to church then a huge party afterwards.

It must depend on the venue choice as well.

Many of the weddings I attended were not even in an hotel or a pub, so there's was no cash bar there. The caterer or bride and groom brought the drinks for the guests - and obviously didn't install a cash stall for the duration of the wedding

As lovely as some hotels are, I wouldn't have chosen one for my wedding if I had meant not providing drinks for the guests.

I still can't picture having friends for diner, and telling them to go buy their glass of wine in the pub opposite to keep the costs down.

Yes but that sort of implies you can fit that many people into a family home. Bit difficult in a back to back terrace or even the 3 bed semi with tiny garden I came from.

Disorganisedmum - even in all our local community centres/miners clubs (though sadly not many left these days) they all had cash bars run by the centre themselves. You have to hire in caterers for the sit down meal in those cases.

"Yes but that sort of implies you can fit that many people into a family home. Bit difficult in a back to back terrace or even the 3 bed semi with tiny garden I came from"

That's rather the point I was making. It doesn't matter whether your family home is a two-up two-down or something more stately, the wedding is the same... ceremony at the church followed by a party.

@Comefromaway your wedding sounds absolutely fine to me! If I had attended, I would not have felt under-catered for in any way at all!

It's not always easy to book a cheaper option etc.
Last year I went to a wedding for a friend who decided to have it in the middle of nowhere. Hundreds of miles from the town where all the wedding guests were coming from. It was that remote that it didn't have a train station and the only bnb we could find was down a dirt track that was nearly impossible to get to by car.

The wedding was an all day affair and after they had the ceremony they went off and took pictures for 3 hours. There was no bar, nowhere to get a drink and nothing open. People were sat there bored. It was so remote that there wasn't even phone service.

Someone ended up wandering into the catering kitchen to get a glass of water.

The food wasn't served until 6pm so the bar ran out of crisps. People were starving.

The couple then had an iPod and proceeded to put heavy metal on, nobody could dance to it and everyone was so tired from the day that we just left early.

The cost of the bnb, petrol, gift, 2 days annual leave (it was during the week!), cash for drinks (and crisps ) amounted to a small holiday.

To top it off my DH couldn't attend because of illness and she hasn't spoken to me since because of it (I assume).

Sometimes it's better to just decline the invite.

It was that remote that it didn't have a train station

I am sorry, the affair really sound like a nightmare and the bride and groom horrible.
Your sentence did make me smile though, unless you are in a big town, most places do not have a train station! (I know you meant nearby, not the actual village or venue )

When you're a townie you're a townie .

I remember when I was a lot younger saying how I thought places without train stations should just be demolished and the people relocated to civilization .

It is normally. I'm getting married next year (second marriage for both of us) and we're mindful of this. We'd rather our nearest and dearest all there to celebrate with us without it costing a small fortune. So we've said we'll keep it local, if guests insist on giving a gift please no more than a tenner (novelty gifts gratefully accepted!) and absolutely don't feel the need to go and buy a new outfit 😊

I had 2 weddings in the UK last year, 1 I knew about well in advance, the other not. I do not live in the UK. They were family weddings, too, so unable to get away with the same outfit twice.
I was able to get reasonable flight prices, but yes, each one meant 2 nights in a hotel, taxis to and from the UK airport and presents. Luckily I have enough smart clothing not to need to buy anything new, but in total I suppose it cost about GBP 1200 each time.

All this talk of 'local weddings' confuses me - does everyone on mumsnet live in the same town/village/city as all of their friends and family?
We are having our wedding 'in the middle of nowhere' to many, but 20 minutes up the road from us, is that acceptable or should we have tallied up who lives where and got married near them!?

We went to a wedding a few weeks ago and it cost us an absolute fortune:

£180 - hotel for the night (not worth anywhere near this cost!)
£100 - my outfit, eyebrows and nails
£140 - DH suit (although this will last him a while now)
£50 - Cash gift
£80-100 - drinks on the day
DD thankfully had something to wear already

All this and the person who's wedding it is is no longer speaking to DH because of an irrational reaction to a work situation. What a waste!!

We can only afford to invite 30 guests so yes, nearly everyone is local to us 😊

Didntwanttochangemyname

Same!

I live in the Midlands, originally from Cumbria. My home friends are literally scattered to the four corners of the country. My 'local' friends are scattered over an hour's radius. My university friends actually somehow all ended up in the same different city. My family are also scattered nationwide.

We had our wedding in Derbyshire, which was more or less central to all guests, but it would have been impossible to pick somewhere that 2/3 of people wouldn't have had to travel for.

The way I see it is I wouldn't complain if I had to travel and stay somewhere in the middle of nowhere because the couple lived in that village and not unreasonably wanted to marry in their local church.

If the couple insisted on getting married on some inconvenient middle of nowhere location an hour from the town they lived in because of "our vision" I'd find that more annoying.

In our case it was dh and I who had moved away so we went back home to get married. Due to the very poor health of his grandparents, espeically his grandmother it was the only option really.

I had one auntie who lived away and she stayed overnight with one of her siblings. My Dad's Welsh cousin stayed overnight at my parent's house and dh's best man stayed overnight at my in laws house. Everyone else was local apart fron my work colleagues who organised a cheap hotel.

Just to add, the most expensive wedding I've attended. Nowhere near some pp's overseas weddings though!

Hen party - £700 ish It was a weekend away in a city, couple of meals and nights out, spa treatment, outfits, paying for the bride, paying for the brides hair and make up for nights out, and annual leave. Tried to explain to party organisers I couldn't afford it so they drew up a payment plan for me without asking me first and said I couldn't not go etc etc

Being a bridesmaid - £200 The bride ordered a dress too large so I had to pay to get the dress professionally altered. Also had to pay for own shoes and a bra that was altered not show straps through dress. Shoes were not picked by me and couldn't wear again

DH suit £120 can be used again but another expense

Wedding day - £200 The bride asked me to book a room in the hotel the reception was at. I didn't mind as it was a nice treat, could be near the bridal party and booked it on offer. Added on top drinks and brekkie the next day

Gift - £50

All in all the actual wedding was not that bad, it was the hen party that really upset things.
I think when most people mention the expense of weddings it's the whole package including the hen/stag party which are becoming so elaborate and complex they are no longer much fun!

@18875hulu Wowsers! Those costs are almost as much as our entire wedding is costing for us to host!!!

My hen party is a cup of tea with a few friends and making table decorations. Prosecco if we are lucky!
38 and know how to party!!! 😂😂😂😂
Fiance is borrowing my dad's beer machine thingy and basically just drinking.
We are sooooo extra!

Agreed. We had to decline a wedding invitation a couple of years ago because the travel and hotel would have cost the same as our city break did! It’s just ridiculous. They got married miles away from where they and everyone they knew lived and it was in a place which only had two hotels- both were fully booked by the time we got the invitation. Just seemed a little silly to us especially when you add outfit and gift costs on top.

I declined an invite once, to a Greek Isle, with flights and hotel plus present and dog care, at that time we just couldn't afford it.

I think people who choose to get married abroad have to accept not everyone can afford it.

It's when they think they've "given people enough time to save for it" that I find a bit presumptuous

Oh, yeah, Snuggy, we've had that. Ridiculous! You even see it on here, people telling others they have time to save or their £50 is not enough, they should put something by to increase it. FFS.