To think being a wedding guest is bloody expensive!

[NuclearReactor]

Just spent 350 on a two night stay for a friends wedding in a lovely hotel. On top of this there's an outfit, travel expenses, food,drink and wedding present to buy! I love my friend to bits and this is not a dig at her as I wouldn't miss it for the world but my god, I could go on a holiday for the same price!

AIBU to think everything regarding weddings is so pricey these days?!? (I've also spent £200 on a bridesmaid dress before for my SIL wedding which enraged me slightly massively)

Travelodge can easily be £140 a night.

@MeteorGarden92 yes, you're right I don't have to go but it's one of my best friends so of course I will go even if it is pricy. The wedding I am going to is also in a remote area in Scotland away from any large cities. So it's the only choice or spend a fortune on taxis which in the end would cost the same. Clearly, you have a vendetta against weddings. Should I be apologising for having an opinion on the cost of things?

To PP - There's no travel lodge or chain hotel nearby otherwise that would be my obvious choice.

I don’t know about Airbnb. As for public transport, the buses are hourly and the last bus leaves at 19.25 in the evening

you do know you can drive, rent a car or arrange for lifts with other guests (and research any airbnb or just a local BnB)

I am not sure why some people cannot consider being more than a 2 minute walk away from a wedding, you can enjoy it without spending the night on site!

My DP and I are from opposite ends of the country, so when deciding on our venue we had to pick somewhere that was going to be difficult for at least half the guests.

I've made it very clear to my friends that I won't be offended if they don't come (involves 4 hour drive and a 2 night stay) but they all seem quite excited for a weekend away. My DM was not quite as pleased that we didn't pick my hometown instead of DPs

The most remote wedding I've been to was in a marquee in a field, 3 miles from the nearest market town. Budget hotels over 20 miles away but no trouble finding an airbnb within 4 miles. Yes we had to prebook a taxi but that's hardly a big deal compared to paying hundreds per night.

Picturesque wedding locations are likely to have plenty of airbnb choice because they tend to be in picturesque places people want to visit.

I wouldn't do it. Its not fair on the whole family if we blow our budget on a wedding rather than a holiday for all the family.

I have spent all morning booking hotels for contractors who are working in the middle of nowhere. The nearest Premier Inn is £106 per night per room. They are not always cheap.

If we are invited to a wedding where the couple live a distance away then we will look into staying over and try and find somewhere for about £50-60. If thats not possible then we don't go. I have two wedding outfits I bought several years ago that I alternate and we generally spend between £30-50 on a present depending on how close they are. I'd spend more for a sibling.

If a family member who lives in my city decided to get married in the middle of nowhere miles away and we could not travel there and back in a day then I probably would not go.

"you do know you can drive, rent a car or arrange for lifts with other guests (and research any airbnb or just a local BnB)"

That's a massive assumption that a) the guests can drive and b) the other guests have room in their cars to give other people lifts.

There are some genuinely remote locations in the UK that really don't have a lot of inexpensive accommodation nearby. Why is this so difficult to believe?

it's not difficult to believe, but it's not as common as some posters like to pretend. Ultimately, it's a choice.

I am sure, there are weddings who only invite families of 5 or 6 with not a spare seat in the car! I'd bet that most guests have no clue because they never even thought of asking.

Between the bride and groom and the hotel employing local people, you can find a lot of info you need if you don't want to stay in an expensive location.

I'm not sure how keen I'd be on banking on getting a lift with a person I've never met who may or may not flake on me.

I'm so glad people are pushing back on the new outfit point. I HATE seeing this as a complaint about weddings.

It's entirely down to vanity or self consciousness to say that a new outfit is necessary, unless you REALLY have nothing to wear. Very rarely do a bride and groom say anything about new clothes, though I admit it's not unheard of.

Plus you can get lovely things so cheaply and reuse. My bridesmaid got her dress and shoes for £18 combined in the sale! I paid, of course...

thedisorganisedmum

oh I would always check for cheapest accommodation myself e.g. YHA

but I wonder if you are part of a big family or a very connected friendship circle. Most of the weddings I've been to, I don't know anyone and when I've asked for help I've been met with "sort it out yourself". I also don't want to rely on strangers for lifts and the one time I asked my friend's colleague, she said a flat out no, but I didn't blame her because she was probably wondering why the hell I just didn't get a cab.

Anyway, hopefully it's not a problem for me any more and like a pp, I would now flat out turn down a request that involved an overnight stay - in fact I'd even turn down a long journey. The last wedding invite I had was from a very lovely colleague, but she had chosen a place that for me was travel into central London - allow 1 hour or more door to door - then get a train back out in another direction, then get a taxi which I think was costing c£40. I could have got there and got home, yes, but it was just too much.

I would absolutely travel that if someone needed my help with something, but for a wedding, they will barely notice I'm there and I'll just be stressed to hell and about £200 down - not worth it.

It has caused offence to some surprising people in the past. A friend of a friend - someone I barely knew, she didn't have my phone number! - invited me to her wedding and when I RSVP'd no, she phoned the mutual contact asking for my phone number so she could ask me why I couldn't come

The icing on the cake was a very sarcastic thank you card for our £50 gift card we'd gifted

Go on , please share the sarcastic message!

Have also been told that we are expected to pay £500 for a present

PMSL - I mean, who does that? Wouldn’t be an issue for me as I just wouldn’t go / participate!

Can someone please tell me where all these ultra cheap Premier Inn and Travelodges are? We went to visit Falkirk Wheel and the Kelpies last month and it was £69 for a family room SuperSaver from Premier Inn even outside Falkirk. We also stayed mid-week in Edinburgh, NOT city centre, £71 for saver family room, not exactly 'cheap'.

Fort William, small town in N. Scotland, family room for tomorrow night, it is still Winter up here, £79. And as a small reminder, there are many parts of Scotland in particular which have NO budget chain hotels at all.

I never understood the new outfits thing, though. Bollocks you need a new outfit to attend.

My days of tying myself in knots trying to get to someone's wanky destination wedding, or these multi-day bollocks with days of 'events' are long over, however.

I agree bollocks to the new outfit. I'll even wear the same dress if there is significant guest overlap.

I’ve just turned down a wedding invitation that involved two nights in a hotel at a place I wouldn’t choose to visit, when I wouldn’t want to go (popular tourist destination, known for terrible traffic over a bank holiday weekend). Op, YANBU

Agree. I have to travel the length of the country, stay for 2 nights and buy new outfit (I generally don't own nais dresses, bit of a tomboy).

I have sacked off the hen night though which is tomorrow, drinking from 10am until 11pm! Said I had other commitments. Then I have my brothers (3rd) wedding a month later.

I felt like telling him I cant make this one but will catch the next one when he cheats on this wife too.

Yep... regular sayin here is "I'd prefer a summons to a wedding invitation". Super expensive. We spent 1k on a family members wedding (included a one night hotel stay, babysitter, clothes, hair shoes etc.)

TooManyBiscuits

I don't own dresses or skirts, just wear top and trousers.

Utterly ludicrous. Weddings these days have got out of hand.

Then I have my brothers (3rd) wedding a month later.

Wouldn't bother with that. Who has a fucking wedding 3rd time round and expects a big blowout for that? I'd have a very inconvenient D&V bug for that.

There are some genuinely remote locations in the UK that really don't have a lot of inexpensive accommodation nearby. Why is this so difficult to believe?

Oh, she'll soon be suggesting you can camp just so you can go to someone's wanky wedding in the middle of nowhere to enable their 'vision'.

£71 for saver family room, not exactly 'cheap'.

Not exactly cheap but a hell of a lot cheaper than the 175 a night the op seems to have paid.

We went to four weddings last year. Two were local and two involved long journeys and an overnight stay at one (we drove there after work the night before as it was a morning ceremony and we drove home just as the evening reception started. It was midweek and it wasn't possible for my husband to get two days off work at that time of year), the other we drove there and back in the day, a round trip of 7 hours, as there was an event in the nearest town and everything was either fully booked or wildly expensive .
I know that you don't have to go but we felt obliged as both were close family members. Both of those were at remote hotels with expensive pay bars, even for soft drinks, and when the travel, hotel room if necessary, gift and any new clothes are all factored in then it makes for a very expensive time.

So far this year looks like being wedding-free.

'Wanky wedding destination'? What if they live there?