To think being a wedding guest is bloody expensive!

[NuclearReactor]

Just spent 350 on a two night stay for a friends wedding in a lovely hotel. On top of this there's an outfit, travel expenses, food,drink and wedding present to buy! I love my friend to bits and this is not a dig at her as I wouldn't miss it for the world but my god, I could go on a holiday for the same price!

AIBU to think everything regarding weddings is so pricey these days?!? (I've also spent £200 on a bridesmaid dress before for my SIL wedding which enraged me slightly massively)

Grace212
You probably have a point, but you are also unlucky if you don't get any help. If you are invited to a wedding where you know no one, and in "the middle of nowhere" it's up to the bride and groom to offer a few suggestions that might help you out.

It won’t be expensive to come to my wedding next year. Free accommodation for all guests, and a “ no presents or cash” policy . Free bar.

We just book a cheaper hotel nearby and use it as an excuse for a weekend away. Ok we drive which is cheaper but it doesn't have to cost much and you can reuse a dress from a previous wedding or buy from a charity shop to save money.

Charging bridesmaids for dresses is wrong though, if you want adult bridesmaids you pay as far as I'm concerned or stick to a couple of kids you can put in a pretty dress from M&S

Yes they are ridiculous, and if you're of a certain age (early to mid 30s) you will probably find that the invitations are never-ending.

So unless it is a very good friend, and you have other mutual friends that will be attending the wedding… DON'T GO!

You can send the couple a very generous £100 voucher with your regrets, which they will remember far more than the twenty seconds they will spend interacting with you at their wedding.

MissUGirl

I don't have a social circle though....I have close friends who still don't really know each other and I see them as individuals when we meet - or sometimes with their DC now!

When I was in the wedding phase in my 20s & 30s, all the invitations were from people who would, for example, help me when I was ill etc - single and live alone - so really close people. They would have been terribly hurt, I mean genuinely hurt, if I'd not attended their wedding. not like an acquaintance might be a bit miffed, but really hurt.

even now, years and years later, there still isn't more of a link. There's a handful of people who know each other because I used to have a birthday do at my flat every year, but that's it really.

I did have one close friend say to me that she "thought about" giving me a plus one so I would have company but then she felt she'd have to give every singleton a plus one.

I'm fine to go to a wedding alone and chat to people, but it's near impossible to make travel or hotel arrangements to make things cheaper, because the bride and groom are normally far too busy to help and then as a pp said, you're relying on someone you don't know which not ideal.

I keep an outfit just for the weddings and don't give a hoot if anyone sees me twice in it, along with the pair of shoes and the pearls I wore to my own wedding. Anyone except best friends and immediate family gets a £25 voucher and a card and stick to Travelodge or similar or I make polite excuses. Any hen do shenanigans etching get an instant "closed for business" sign, unless I'm a member of the bridal party. With the sites like wowchet and Groupon, me and DH are rarely out of pocket for more than £100+petrol.

Obviously any couple who 'expects' anything are BU, e.g. wearing new outfits, people to stay in specific places or gift amounts but that must be the minority.

Honestly, if the wedding is miles away (or abroad) and you aren't particularly close to the couple, you are probably on the "we'll invite them but they probably wont come" pile. We had lots of those as we live in a different country to my family and some groups of friends. In the end everyone came but I like to think we made it quite easy!

Yes its ridiculous. A party fest for the couple. Very selfish

I'd like to add that I would be HORRIFIED and devastated if any of my guests talked about me the way you are and resenting people for having a wedding in the first place.

Ive had three pestering messages this week - two direct and one via my Mum - to book accommodation at a close family member’s country house hotel wedding - I’ve booked it now at a cost of £100, another family member who’s had the same pestering had to book a family room at £165

We’re saving to buy a house (and would also like a holiday sometime this year 😂) and most annoyingly the hotel/ wedding is twenty five mins in a taxi to my parents house where we (and my parents and a load of other people) could stay for free 😑

and most annoyingly the hotel/ wedding is twenty five mins in a taxi to my parents house where we (and my parents and a load of other people

So why not suggest that? Have you asked your parents if you can do this?

If they say no, then that's a different issue, but certainly not the couple getting married's fault!

Christmas no one forced you to do that. Grow a spine and say NO, no matter how close the family member is. No one can force you to indulge in such nonsense and doing so when you can't afford it is silliness on your part. 'NO. I'm not staying there. It's too expensive. I can't afford it.' THE END!

I'd like to add that I would be HORRIFIED and devastated if any of my guests talked about me the way you are and resenting people for having a wedding in the first place.

If that's honestly what horrifies you and devastates you then you lead a very sheltered life. Honestly, give over. The reality is that other your very nearest and dearest, most people don't really give much of a toss that you're getting married. It's just another wedding to them.

the hotel/ wedding is twenty five mins in a taxi to my parents house

why on earth are you not staying there?
I wouldn't even bother with taxi, I would just drive.

coffeeismyspinach
wow, what a nasty and bitter attitude. It's just you, most people are really happy and enthusiastic about weddings - or they don't bother going.

I never understand people adding outfit cost to the list - although I totally agree the list can be expensive!

Surely, if you’re going to multiple wedding you just buy one outfit? Ladies’ outfits aren’t like men’s where there can be a big difference between formal and informal. Most dresses or skirt / top combos etc can be dressed up or down.

Plus... just don’t buy a new outfit! If it happens enough that the cost gets too much, you just have stacks to choose from already!!

wow, what a nasty and bitter attitude. It's just you, most people are really happy and enthusiastic about weddings - or they don't bother going.

Exactly, or they don't bother going, but actually, from the legions of threads on here, plenty of people (and I won't say most because neither you nor I know most people because that would be knowing in the region of about 5bn people, which no one does) do have that attitude and are seriously pissed off and stumping up so much to go to these weddings but still don't say no. Their lookout, but it's a far from uncommon attitude to have towards these weddings that require all this travel and overnight stays and expectations of presents. Better to just decline if you don't want to tie yourself in knots begging lifts from strangers to get to someone's wedding, IMO.

@Ellisandra what if you’ve gone up or down a size since you last bought a wedding outfit, or it’s gone out of fashion or it got a stain on it at the last wedding you were at or it’s a summer dress and the wedding is in winter or any number of different reasons. I don’t have a wardrobe full of formal dresses so if I go to a wedding I generally do need to buy something new.

This thread crystallises some of the many reasons why DH and I invited nobody to our wedding and got it over with in 20 minutes in a registry office, going back to work the next day! The present day wedding industry is completely out of hand. Learn to say “No”, people!

@Guineapiglet345 anything of those things can happen of course, but are they really that likely?

I don’t change size frequently, I’ve never stained a dress at a wedding (only once ever I think - lily pollen!), the same dress can work for summer and winter depending on what you buy and what you put with it...

If money is an issue for you buying an outfit each time, then don’t go for high fashion, and choose something that will work in multiple seasons.

If it’s a season apart, or you’ve changed size, chances are the weddings are spaced out so you’re not buying a new outfit so frequently anyway.

I expect that most people who think “new wedding = new outfit” are simply stuck in that mindset and actually don’t need a new outfit at all.

They might want one - and that’s fine - but it’s not an inevitable cost of several weddings in a year.

Plus: eBay.

This is the reason we're having a free bar at our wedding!

If that's honestly what horrifies you and devastates you then you lead a very sheltered life. @coffeeismyspinach
Not sheltered, just very pleasant and not full of anger or bitterness which is what is coming across from a lot of posts on these threads!

Everyone I invited to my wedding was important to our lives (some more connected/closer than others) and people we love and have good relationships with. Of course you'd be horrified if someone you loved really felt negatively about going to your wedding.

I enjoy a good wedding but I don’t enjoy being told how to use my holiday entitlement or spend my savings. My own DSis is getting married for the third time overseas (destination wedding) and has been rather ‘surprised’ at how much it’s costing her guests. Less than a year after her own DDs big wedding.

Of course you'd be horrified if someone you loved really felt negatively about going to your wedding.

Why? So they do, horses for course, you can't please everyone and most of the time, you'd not find out because if they feel that way they decline to go. I've thrown parties in the past and they weren't particular loved ones' cup of tea. Nothing personal, it just didn't suit them so they declined and everyone who came had a good time, job done. It's a non-issue unless you're one of those people who then gets offended when people decline.

My own DSis is getting married for the third time overseas (destination wedding) and has been rather ‘surprised’ at how much it’s costing her guests.

Honestly, why on Earth go unless you just have spare time and money laying around? A third 'wedding'? Give over. She's not surprised, just entitled. 'That's lovely, sis. I'm sure you two will have a lovely time. Can't wait to see the photos.' Send small gift, not like you need a wedding list when you've been married three times.

YANBU. In 1985, when I went to my first wedding as an adult, I calculated that it cost me about £100 for hotel, dress, travel and gift. The dress was home made and the gift was going halves on a food mixer with a friend (the wedding list was very very reasonable and this was the most expensive thing on it). The friend and I also shared a room. At the time £100 was 25% of my monthly salary. Nowadays the whole weddings industry is what my dad would have called a 'racket', and guests are expected to pay correspondingly more. I think it's disgraceful but unfortunately a lot of couples seem to think they are not properly married without this sort of expenditure.