To think being a wedding guest is bloody expensive!

[NuclearReactor]

Just spent 350 on a two night stay for a friends wedding in a lovely hotel. On top of this there's an outfit, travel expenses, food,drink and wedding present to buy! I love my friend to bits and this is not a dig at her as I wouldn't miss it for the world but my god, I could go on a holiday for the same price!

AIBU to think everything regarding weddings is so pricey these days?!? (I've also spent £200 on a bridesmaid dress before for my SIL wedding which enraged me slightly massively)

Meteor Stuff them. Go to Gretna Green or Vegas or something!

DP and I are planning our wedding at the moment and are trying to work out a way to avoid exactly this problem for our guests, without costing ourselves a fortune. We live rurally with family spread over a few counties and some extended family and friends travelling a long way (Australia and New Zealand-long way), too. Really struggling with it because we want everyone there but don't want to be a financial drain!

you don’t ‘have’ to attend, or be a bridesmaid

Well, no but actually declining being a bridesmaid isn’t easy! And you can accept not knowing how it will end up with so much expected of you.

you can't do anything about the travel, but you can find group accomodation (sleeping 40 or 50 people) who are dirt cheap when shared between several families.

EEELA as long as you're not offended by people saying no, it's all good. I realised late in life that it didn't matter if I did that!

thedisorganisedmum that's only possible if you are attending a wedding where you actually know people! It sounds like quite a mission though, finding somewhere that big? Maybe I just think that because I've no experience of it though.

We have one this summer, abroad.
Hotel is 5 star and £300 per room per night on a B&B basis.
We would need 3 rooms!
They would like us to book 3 nights as they have planned events each night.
Drinks and meals are not provided, other than the wedding breakfast itself.
Have also been told that we are expected to pay £500 for a present.
I could probably buy DS a small car and pay for his insurance for a year for the same cost.

When we got married we picked a local church and venue so everyone could drive/get a taxi home rather than stay if they wanted

'Local' to whom? Does your entire circle of friends, family, relations seriously live within a reasonable drive of each other?

You know what op, I feel for you.

We're having an abroad wedding.
No one can afford to come except who we are paying for.

I envy your patience.
I really really do.

Everyone else can get to fuck or pay the £3k a week 😊😊😊😊😊

We've paid for us, kids, parents.

Yep I agree, we had one 3 days after Christmas, hotel, travel, gift and food for the two nights we were there totalled nearly £800. That's not including the cost of outfits for the day. And I found out after that the rate we paid I.e cheaper as the wedding was in the hotel ( in the middle of nowhere) was twice as expensive as if I had booked it through bookings.com even though we were all told it was there lowest rate. But I could say no as it's a close relative.
Thankfully my friend who gets married this year is having it 5 minutes walk from my house!

YABU to lump all wedding together, and also to assume people want to spend what you do.
I've never spent £175 a night to stay anywhere, and I've been to dozens upon dozens of weddings.
There may be some specific individual reason why you had to a)stay over at all,
b) stay 2 nights
c) stay at such an expensive hotel
but that was specific to that wedding (if you actually 'had to') and not a 'thing' for most people or most weddings.
You have Chosen to buy a new outfit - you absolutely don't have to.
Generally, when you go to a wedding, it is hosted by the couple, so not sure why you are spending so much on food and drink either.

The thing is, unless you pay for everything, drinks etc, someone will slate you for something.

My family is too large to invite everyone to a day so without offending someone.

Hence me going abroad. Spending more on a two week all inclusive once in a life time gorgeous absolutely once in a life time place.
Paying for us, our kids and my mum and dad. £22k.

My mum and dad are getting on. They'd never be able to afford this otherwise. They are also getting old. I can just about afford it. If no one else comes I won't be arsed. Xx

We have relatives in America, third wedding at the end of this year in the states for me and my 35th wedding attendance overall. I have turned down attending 5 weddings in my lifetime as I didn’t like the people enough. I guess I must be a good guest.

The best wedding I ever attended was a BBQ, unlimited crazygolf and ice cream in a seaside cafe, the wedding was outside on a sunny day. They were very lucky with the weather. No dress codes or wedding lists or awful poems requesting money.

Our reception will cost £2k. Cannot wait. It's a bbq on a boat

We refuse all wedding invitations now that require overnight stays. Cost is making weddings a real pain. Give me a good funeral any day.

Give me a good funeral any day.

Grace212

There are loads of website or organisations catering from large groups, from big cottage, farm stay, campsites to YHA

Up to the bride and groom, or a very reliable sibling or friend, to gather interest, take deposits, and book the place.

Serin you must have a large family to need 3 rooms. Just go for one night and spend 50 quid on a present. Not sure I've ever been dictated to about a wedding!

I picked a 'local' church too. But there are still people travelling from the other side of the world

I've never spent more than 60 pounds a night for accommodation near a wedding venue. Always found a travelodge/premier inn/airbnb.

A lot of what you've mentioned is choice.

I had a very close friend who wanted to get married on Lundy island..with 2 small children we decided we couldn’t go due to expense the logistics of the journey. Sadly our friendship has never been the same since.

“If not then there are almost always cheap local options like Airbnb and premier Inn.”
“So there’s no Travelodge or Premier Inn close by?”
“I've never spent more than 60 pounds a night for accommodation near a wedding venue. Always found a travelodge/premier inn/airbnb.”

Loving the assumptions from some posters about the ready availability of cheap accommodation close to the venue
I am currently in the middle of Northumberland. The nearest Travelodge is 25 miles away, and the nearest Premier Inn 17 miles away. The 2 pubs in the village have less than 10 rooms between them and aren’t cheap. I don’t know about Airbnb. As for public transport, the buses are hourly and the last bus leaves at 19.25 in the evening – a massive improvement to the 3 buses a day they used to have.

Do these posters never visit parts of Britain that are very rural where taxis are infrequent and expensive, or where the choice of accommodation is limited and expensive?

I agree that deliberately picking an expensive and remote location for a wedding is imposing a lot of expense on guests and the couple should therefore not expect expensive gifts. I would wear a nice outfit I already had, and buy a cheaper gift.

“Our next family wedding in winter 2019 involves a 500 mile road trip and 2 ferry crossings to a Scottish island, so not only do we have these additional expenses it's also time consuming”

Not to mention potentially being a victim to the weather. What a ludicrous idea!

But a venue near a Travelodge doesn't fit the vision

MrsMoastyToastyOur next family wedding in winter 2019 involves a 500 mile road trip and 2 ferry crossings to a Scottish island, so not only do we have these additional expenses it's also time consuming.

I think we’ve been invited to the same wedding, we declined

Have also been told that we are expected to pay £500 for a present.

REally not sure why you'd even give people like this the time of day, much less £500 as a gift and spunk thousands to attend their wedding. That's a non-starter. 'Sorry, we can't make it.'

Yes it’s expensive but bridesmaids do traditionally pay for their own dresses. We’ve always paid for the girls dresses and my daughter’s bridesmaids fully expect to buy their own. I think lots of people dispense with this tradition nowadays though and consideration needs to be given to who can afford what as part of the planning.

We’ve a wedding in the south west in September in an area with quite limited accommodation local to the venue. Apart from fuel costs, the accommodation for the family for the weekend was £800. It’s too far for one day. The dog care is £110. The present will be another £100 or so. Then meals outside the wedding reception for eight people for the weekend.

I have accumulated a few hats over the years and am sure one will do. Nobody is interested in what we are wearing - the girls have pretty tea dresses and jackets anyway. We’ll only have to hire one MS as husband has his, son will wear uniform number 1s, boyfriend has school uniform still.
Definitely adds up.