To think being a wedding guest is bloody expensive!

[NuclearReactor]

Just spent 350 on a two night stay for a friends wedding in a lovely hotel. On top of this there's an outfit, travel expenses, food,drink and wedding present to buy! I love my friend to bits and this is not a dig at her as I wouldn't miss it for the world but my god, I could go on a holiday for the same price!

AIBU to think everything regarding weddings is so pricey these days?!? (I've also spent £200 on a bridesmaid dress before for my SIL wedding which enraged me slightly massively)

OP you can leave your things in storage at the hotel and they will transfer them once your room is ready.

I know they are expensive so agree with you, but I do think you seem to have picked more expensive options.

You could reuse an old dress or dress up a more casual one with heels and accessories?

You could save £175 on just staying one night and leaving your bags at the front desk, and maybe £100 on not buying a new outfit. You could buy a cheaper gift from their gift list?

There I've saved you £300!

I think it's a bit miserable to moan about being invited to a lovely place for a wedding.

I agree, and if you can't go, just decline.

What part is this country is so deserted that you can't find a B&B, a premier inn or an Air B&B - you can also share a rental with people from the wedding, you just need a bed and access to a bathroom.

I don't really understand this desperate need for some people to buy a new outfit for every wedding unless it's your own. You can still buy 2nd hand outfits for a £10 or £20 on ebay if you want something different.

poppet yes, same here

there was one place that was so "middle of nowhere" you had to walk through a long dark path to get to a place the taxis could collect. I think all the single women took turns walking the other single women to the road to get cabs if you see what I mean...so two of us escorting one to the road and then back again.

I was all right because I stayed to the end with another lady I knew, but that's only because we just thought it would be easier to sit around being bored, then go back to the hotel together, and we booked it together because we vaguely knew each other and thought we'd have a little potter round the place in the morning. Of course it bucketed down rain!

I don't buy a new outfit but the trains and taxis have been incredibly expensive. I try to stay in the cheapest hotel nearby.

Our next family wedding in winter 2019 involves a 500 mile road trip and 2 ferry crossings to a Scottish island, so not only do we have these additional expenses it's also time consuming.

Vulpine I think it’s possibly to do both, you can be excited to see your friend marry in a lovely location but also still acknowledge the costs do add up. Especially rural taxis which are very pricey.

Agree they are expensive with hotel etc but never understand 'and outfit to buy' - why do you need a new outfit for each wedding?

Mrsmoasty - that sounds like an awesome adventure. Lucky you!

lol, I was about to say to MrsMoasty that I might not even attend my best friend's wedding if it was that big a trek, especially in winter.

You can save even more by not going. Fuck camping out or tying yourself in knots for someone's overblown idea of a wedding.

I must admit though I am looking forward to a couple nights of luxury even if my pockets aren't!

This is the exact problem! Attending a wedding can be almost as cheap as you want, but when people get an invitation they take the excuse to treat themselves. And that's great, if you can afford it. Go ahead and treat yo self. But its your decision, and you can't blame the wedding itself.

People always say they need a new outfit, 99% of the time they don't. Unless you are in the wedding party, wear any dress or outfit you have. Just a normal skirt and blouse would do.

I've even heard people complain they "had" to buy expensive new shoes and a hand bag - no you didn't! It's an excuse.

Last family wedding we attended was in a very lovely but uber expensive hotel as they'd booked it at short notice after sudden illness. It was parents/siblings and kids only for the day event but they had a big extended family party for the evening. It was well over 200 miles away, and we had to pay over £360 for interconnecting rooms for us and the DC. The food was so poor we had to buy an evening meal in the restaurant; the drinks were eye wateringly expensive and the worst part was the groom was so exhausted he'd gone to rest before we even arrived and came back out at 10pm by which time our DC were bouncing off the walls from the sweet table and we had to put them to bed! The icing on the cake was a very sarcastic thank you card for our £50 gift card we'd gifted. One nights stay, fuel, food and drink cost us over £600 for one shit night. Never again. We turn wedding invites that involve travel down now. I'd rather have a week's holiday.

vulpine my DH went up by himself to visit the family one time and got stranded when the ferries got cancelled. This time we're allowing an extra day on both the outbound and return journeys.

Unless you own nothing but your work uniform, teeshirts and jeans there is absolutely no need to buy a new outfit. For 99% of the population the insistence that you need to buy a new oufit ia nothing more than vanity. You're the guest not the bride, your job is to turn up looking presentable. If you like treating yourself to a new frock go ahead (amd enjoy it!) but don't kid on it's a prerequisite to attendance. That really pisses me off.

Other aspects of attending a wedding (gift, accomodation and transport) can indeed be pricey but I love a wedding and my friends like to throw a good party. I'm pretty sure the hosts spend a lot more creating a fabulous and joyous occassion than it costs me to attend. Having said that if my friend was getting married in their local bowling club, no frills, I'd buy flights / train and accomodation to go if i could afford it. The idea that people begrudge spending money on their friends and family leaves a sour taste in my mouth tbh.

If its inconvenient or unaffordable decline the invite and BE HAPPY FOR THEM, don't sit and stew that they didnt plan their day aroumd you

Yes it can be. Wedding for a friend this summer is costing us £1200 in transport and accommodation alone before outfits and presents

The icing on the cake was a very sarcastic thank you card for our £50 gift card we'd gifted.

That's poor form! Right up there with people who send you save the date cards for these weddings in the middle of nowhere with no other places to stay and then say, 'You have time to save for it!' or the apologists who tell people they cannot possibly gift 'only £50 and can't you 'put by' or 'save up' to give them more?

Apparently you're supposed to hand over pretty nigh on a wage packet to attend Irish weddings. I really wonder what people who genuinely don't have the money do? Don't go?

coffee u ok hun?

They are expensive. But, I tend to put pennies aside monthly once i get an invite and really want to go, so i dont cry into my handbag on the day over the cost. I learned that after i spent 200 being a guest at a wedding where i actually disliked the couple lol

This is why when we got married our service was timed so people could travel in the morning if they had to. It was deliberately central so there were plenty of options of places to stay, and we budgeted specifically to have a fund for broke friends who might not otherwise have been able to come. I also stayed in an apartment for the two nights before the wedding and my bridesmaids stayed there too (and the night after - I was in a posh hotel with DH), which we paid for, having checked they were ok taking the holiday. I’ve been the broke friend and really didn’t want to put others in that situation.

coffee u ok hun?

Is that how you deal with everyone who has a different opinion from yours ? Pretty lame hun . Thank you for playing, please try again.

It is expensive being a guest, we got married on a Sunday and got married in the middle of nowhere so we had a free bar as a kind of thank you to everyone. Was very appreciated and wasn't as much as we thought by a long shot!

TBF, it's not free to host guests either, but I do think people should be considerate of guests' ability to pay for accommodation, presents etc. DH briefly floating marrying where his granddad lived (long haul) because he wouldn't be able to travel, but I said while I understood wanting that, literally none of my friends could afford that and he accepted that it wasn't a goer

We tried to keep the cost of ours down as my friends are an arty bunch who don't have high paid jobs, so we made sure to have lots of price points on the wedding list (and we weren't keeping track of who got presents - I neither knew nor cared if not everyone bought one) and laid on a coach (it was about 100 miles from where we and most guests lived) so no one would have to lay out on transport or hotels unless they wanted to.

I've never actually been to long-haul (or even non-UK) wedding aside from two of DH's cousins', which we just made into an excuse for a holiday and to see his family.

That's lovely, PenCreed.

Hmm, 🤔 you don’t ‘have’ to attend, or be a bridesmaid.

You certainly don’t ‘have’ to stay at the fancy hotel they’ve chosen, buy a new outfit, or even buy a gift (nice card...box of chocs).

Granted, destination weddings are harder to cost avoid, but for ones in the UK, honestly kinda what people would stop bitching about the price of attending...most of whom go on to have their own (equally expensive for attendees) wedding and think that’s fine!

We spent £400 for two nights in a luxury (middle of absoloute nowhere) Scottish castle, for a friends wedding, people at the same table as us had got a £60 BnB at a nearby farm- totally basic but cheap.

What’s ACTUALLY expensive, is the £15K-£25K an average couple spend on their wedding!!! Here I was thinking I’d DIY everything and cut all these unessesary corners ... but that cheeky wedding industry seems to have cottoned on and just keeps adding zeros to random, unfortunately nessisary crap! Because I can’t ask you to pay for your own bridesmaid dresses, right?

Even though there’s 4 teen cousins, who all took offence when I said ‘I don’t want bridesmaids’ so your parents guilted mine into making me ‘rethink’, now you’re not only being a bridesmaids but expecting dress, shoes and accessories. As well as the hair and make up my aunt (vocally) thinks I’m ‘cheaping’ out by not having!!

Or even better, the crippling stress, judgment and expectations of those around you who ‘won’t care what type of wedding you have’ but will actively compare it to the 5 other weddings they’ve been to this summer ... because that’s just human nature.

And then there’s MN...where everyone thinks you’re a C for spending more that £60 on a registry office job, track suit wearing, and a MacDonald’s on your way home affair!!

So in conclusion OP, swallow the cost or don’t go, but stop bloody winging.

A lot of our friends get married abroad, had a wedding in India, one skiing, one in Egypt and one in Caribbean. All of our holidays have been weddings lately!