To think being a wedding guest is bloody expensive!

[NuclearReactor]

Just spent 350 on a two night stay for a friends wedding in a lovely hotel. On top of this there's an outfit, travel expenses, food,drink and wedding present to buy! I love my friend to bits and this is not a dig at her as I wouldn't miss it for the world but my god, I could go on a holiday for the same price!

AIBU to think everything regarding weddings is so pricey these days?!? (I've also spent £200 on a bridesmaid dress before for my SIL wedding which enraged me slightly massively)

Still don't buy the 'new outfit' cost, again.

OP YANBU but it is not news really. Just as other events have been upscaled and cost more.

hotel stays and buying own bridesmaid dress is a new one on me i must admit

Being a wedding guest will involve some expense, but if you want to do it cheaply you often can.....but people choose not to. Op admits to not going for the cheaper options and says that as they would have to pay they decided they might as well enjoy the expensive options - so clearly savings could be made.

Weddings abroad clearly will cost a lot and much of that is unavoidable.

But savings can be made for here - def no need for new outfit each time, usually 1 night of accom is max needed and avoiding staying at the venue is usually cheaper. Book ahead and get cheap air b n b or travel lodge type thing . Taxis are not a necessity - one person can drive. Spending at a cash bar doesn’t have to lead to a huge bar bill as wine is usually included with meal and getting shit faced isn’t necessary at all. Gifts don’t have to be hugely expensive. Basically make choices according to your purse. And you will enjoy it just as much and prob more.

Re hen nights etc just don’t go if it’s exorbitant or you can’t opt into just part of it.

I’m a firm believer in attending these things in a way which is affordable. No way will I miss my family holiday for a wedding or spend £500 on a hen night. I might go for an afternoon or evening of a hen weekend. I don’t mind saying I really want to be part of it but just can’t justify the cost of the full thing. It’s always been fine.

And if I’ve wanted to spend £10 or £20 not £50 on a wedding gift, I have and if I’ve worn last years dress or one from 4 years ago I don’t mind. I’ve stayed at friends who live 20 miles from the wedding and I’ve stayed in tents at a wedding venue or in a B and B or a premier inn or on someone’s floor, or in the fancy hotel. I’ve car shared or travelled by coach to save money but I don’t think I’ve ever said no to a wedding invitation unless I actually couldn’t make the date.

Over about a 15 year period I’ve been to over 70 weddings and never been bankrupted. I guess I don’t have a strong sense that a wedding obliges me to have a new dress, shoes and handbag plus a haircut and make-up, nor to spend £100 on a gift or to spend £100 at the bar, nor to stay in a £150 pew night hotel. I’m there at the weddings of my friends and family and hugely enjoy them. Probably having a large circle of friends and family and lots of weddings has meant a more laid back attitude towards it all. Forget a sense of ‘you have to....’ to be a wedding guest. You really don’t.

Part of this post is taken from a previous post of mine on a discussion about wedding outfits and guests.

One summer back when I was younger and much slimmer (this is relevant), I ended up with a wedding week literally (6 days out of 7),

I didn't have a lot of money after presents, travel, accommodation etc and 4 weddings inc quite a few of the same people. Some of the others were also at some of the other weddings but not as many.

So I asked around my other friends who weren't attending and borrowed accessories, jackets, hats and wore a neutral pair of shoes to all. To keep track, I took a photo of each friend holding up the item that I borrowed from them and then they took a photo of what they were borrowing from me.

On the 3rd day of that week, the dress that I wore on the first day, which was washed on the second was worn by a friend who washed it before I wore it the 5th day, a jacket was worn by a couple of us with a wash in between 3 people and with different accessories.

One friend who wasnt connected to any of them was looking at the pics of me when ready and said that must have been mega expensive having 6 new wedding outfits not linking some pieces were the same just accessorised differently with various hairstyles and makeup.

In reality, I owned one dress, one jacket, a skirt, a top, a pair of trousers, 3 statement necklaces, 2 pairs of dangly earrings (not shared by any of us) and 3 fascinators which I got from Home Bargains (£2 each) and a nude handbag and shoes.

I also did designate driver as I didn't need alcohol to have a good time, I would do the first round with my immediate company and then I was ok to opt out from there as I wasnt drinking anyhow and was making sure others got home safe and sound, the others piled into the car (I had a people carrier at the time)

I did end up staying over 3 nights which didn't cost me anything as slept on friends sofas before getting up and ready to go to the next wedding, I was out of the houses by 8.30am to go grab my stuff and get ready and get to next wedding.

I did spend one night in a hotel as it was with then partner, the wedding was his connection and was 150 miles to get home so I left early in the morning to pick up friends and get ready at theirs before the next wedding. He got a lift home with his sister.

I kept my toiletries and make up in the car, with a box of accessories, a notebook of what needed to happen to what (handwashed and hung up to dry before I left), I brought snacks in the box as well, spare shoes just in case, flip flops, dressing gown and comfies and had various bits and bobs as a survival kit for that week and snacks and extra drinks.

Stuff got dropped off for me in my absence at home and I dropped stuff off at friends in their chosen spot and disappeared as fast as possible as otherwise would be held up discussing everything and everyone.

This is Ireland/ Northern Ireland and public transport is not a good feature esp in the areas the weddings were in. Many were not accessible at all and then a good 45 mins in a taxi after the bus station which would mean coming in the day before and being in a hotel in the back end of nowhere so friends were glad for me to drive for the further distances they pitched in with petrol money and knew I would be there till after the disco ended but would arrange a meet up in front lobby for 3 am and if you missed it, that was your tough luck, there was a 15 min leeway but after that I was gone. No one missed it

As Irish weddings, had worked out the gifts beforehand as I knew the invites were coming up for them all but it wasnt until the invites were out that I discovered all were the same week.

I got the stuff together and made each of them a relationship map with the milestones as they had been thru and a photo of the wedding location, then their home then life. They were done in A3 and everyone seemed to love them as they hang in all their homes even now. Other friends have commented they are still up so I know they don't put them up for my visits. The 6 maps cost less than £100 to make so was well worth the time spent.

It was exhausting but overall the weddings themselves cost me less than 500e for the week, the majority was petrol and takeaways with a few rounds of drinks added in. Which was very reasonable considering.

So the nay sayers have never had a free meal and booze up?

I usually don’t like the food at weddings so eat beforehand. And drinks are too expensive at these fancy venues.

I'm not a fussy eater and normally the drinks are free

I’ve never ever been to a wedding where the drinks are free apart from a drink on arrival and a glass of wine with the meal.

Not even club Tropicana

Never been to a wedding with all free drink but well, if it's going to cost a packet to get to it's still a no.

"I’ve never ever been to a wedding where the drinks are free apart from a drink on arrival and a glass of wine with the meal."

You've obviously not been to the right weddings. Free bar all day at our wedding. I wouldn't dream of asking guests to pay.

Good grief. That would cost thousands!

So you spend hundreds of pounds travelling to weddings in fancy far flung places and staying in expensive hotels in said far flung places and you don't get a free drink and pie at the end of it?

We provided a field for our guests if they wanted to camp. It was full and some stayed for several nights after the wedding.

Not everybody's cup of tea though.

It’s when hotels have a 2 night minimum stay that gets me. I’ve been to reasonably local weddings - 30 miles-ish where Id love to stay the wedding night but can’t justify a two night stay.

Yep. No where is cheap to stay down south for a night. It’s all very well banging on about a Premier Inns but the cheap ones are only in places with lots of competition. In my town a Premier Inn is the only hotel and cost as much as any other hotel ie over £100 a night.
So no hotels means no venues ....all our wedding venues are “ niace “ barns in the mifddle if nowhere so guests have to fork out for a taxi to leave.
Most weddings seem to be about being polite to people you’ve never met and won’t again and drinking...but not too much because you gphave to be out the room at 10am.
I prefer weddings that are abroad, At least some point to shelling out £100’s.

When you strip everything back, the whole point of a wedding day is 2 people declaring their love for each other and cementing it with the exchanging of vows and rings, and paying for a certificate. The whole thing has become an industry to see how much cash people can throw around, bloody ludicrous - most end in divorce anyway. What a waste of money, everyone's bonkers

I’ve never ever been to a wedding where the drinks are free apart from a drink on arrival and a glass of wine with the meal.

Out of all of the weddings I've been to, and I've been to a lot, only one has had a free bar. That was a small wedding, around 30 guests, at a country hotel out of the area and the couple did it as a thank you as everyone had needed to travel. As an aside, the man is a friend of my husband's through a shared hobby. I'd only met him once and neither of us had met his new wife but it really was one of the loveliest weddings that I'd been to.

Bridesmaids shouldn’t be paying for anything! Really bad form on her part.

Oh, Yeah, nowadays being a bridesmaid can be very expensive: multiple hen do's (some lasting several days abroad or just several days) and expected to pay for the bride's share and drinks, the dress and shoes the bride chooses, possibly makeup and hair done by whomever the bride chooses, any travel/accom to the wedding, own drinks at weddings, oh, and generous gift to the couple.

I do get really annoyed when you can't even get a free soft drink. The selfish weddings tend to have a pattern

1. the day is as long as possible
2. there's a stretch of several hours without food because they've covered 2 mealtimes and only want to pay for 1 meal
3. there's not even free soft drinks at the bar

When I had my first experience of this, an older friend told me I had been really silly and should have made arrangements to leave the wedding at some point so I could go and get lunch. People who had driven did have a stash of food in their car. More fool me - adding in travel it was 9am till 6pm with no food. I know there'll be someone saying "why does it matter, you're an adult, you can go without food" - well yes I can, but I don't think I should have to.

I’ve never paid for any drinks at a wedding and I’ve been to a few.
Never known bridesmaids not buy their own dresses.
They surely wouldn’t pay for anything else though?

Never known bridesmaids not buy their own dresses.
They surely wouldn’t pay for anything else though?

Oh, hell yes! Loads of threads on here where they're expected to pay for loads! Professional hair, makeup and nails, several hen do's (and pay for the bride and her drinks and meals), travel and accom to wedding (even over multiple days and/or abroad), plus gift, of course, you have to give a gift.

Years ago we spent £500 on going to a friends wedding. This included both me and hubby going to the Hen & stag parties (hen do was a weekend in London) and then using our annual leave to attend the wedding and then the wedding gift and outfits. We have used the outfits again since but we have declined several wedding invites now due to the grandeur of the hotel (it's never local!) and extravagance of the hen/stag parties. People can plan their wedding days how they like, but I'm not one to splash out on such things and when our own wedding cost under £1,000 all in because we didn't want the big wedding, we're not prepared to do that for others. We'll happily send a card and token wedding gift/cash but as we see it as the first day of their married lives there will be plenty of other times to enjoy their company and see them (unless they all end up hating us for not attending their wedding!).

I have a theory, which sadly, proves right time and time again. The bigger the wedding, the more chance of divorce. Happily married for 12 years this year and our wedding was tiny.