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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH turning down a very well paid job

322 replies

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 09:06

Will try to be short ; DH was made redundant 18months ago and ,apart from a 6 week stint as a contractor, has not worked. He could not find work so after 7 months I left my low paid but great part time job to go full time locumming to bring in more money. To cut a long story short , after 18montgs finally he has two contract job offers on the table. Option 1 - local firm doing something not related to what he is qualified in and pay reflecting this - just above NLW . But pension and sick pay etc. Option 2 - working 400 miles away , compressed hours (4 days a week) doing what he is qualified to do for 6500 pounds a month. I don't need to say that that money woild be amazing for us - for anyone but he does not want to be away from home really . AIBU for thinking he is mad and selfish ???? Help Mumsnet I need sound advice and perhaps a cold bucket of water to stop me feeling put out ....Confused

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 14/03/2019 09:07

Would you like to be away from home for that long?
Though I would take the contract.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 14/03/2019 09:07

I wouldn't want to work 400 miles away, week in week out. Can you relocate?

Parky04 · 14/03/2019 09:09

Why not relocate?

Fantababy · 14/03/2019 09:09

The money sounds great but I'd not want DH to be away from us for half the week and I don't think he would either. It would be different if he didn't have another job offer but as he does he's in a position to refuse the better paid job.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/03/2019 09:10

I'd be more put out if he did take it. I wouldn't want my partner working 400 mikes away for four days a week, wouldn't matter how much it paid. Money isn't everything.

IWouldPreferNotTo · 14/03/2019 09:10

It's actually six days a week as the travel takes most of a day at each end. As someone who has done the long days living in a hotel and travelling a long way I can tell you it's exhausting and I found i could only do it in 4 week stretches.

MaitlandGirl · 14/03/2019 09:10

Is the second one a fixed term contract? If so how long for?

If it’s 12-18mths (but no longer) I would take it. Providing there was an easy way home (flight/train) and I wouldn’t have to drive all the time, and I wouldn’t have to work extra hours.

That sort of money would make a huge difference to my retirement plans and I’d put up with it for a fixed term, not sure if I could do it permanently without uprooting family.

Bambamber · 14/03/2019 09:10

I get why you want the money, but he is not mad or selfish to not want to work 400 miles away. I think you're being unfair to expect him to do that

lastqueenofscotland · 14/03/2019 09:10

That’s like the distance from London to Scotland, that’s fucking ages away and I couldn’t do it.

Confusedfornow · 14/03/2019 09:11

Bollocks!

Nobody would turn down that kind of money.

And why would somebody apparently qualified to that level even consider a minimum wage job?

Also, 18 months is a lifetime to be away from the working enviornment. How was he able to secure such a salary if he has not had any contact with his industry for such a long time? How were his skills current?

I call bollocks on this Hmm

IceRebel · 14/03/2019 09:11

I would be skeptical of the £6500 a month job. He's been out of work for 18 months and only has a 6 week stint as a contractor. So no recent experience in the field he has qualified in, yet they're offering him an insane amount of money. Hmm

Also I would assume the high paying job would have discussed where he would work during the interview, so that shouldn't have been a shock to him.

IceRebel · 14/03/2019 09:13

Crossed posts with @Confusedfornow , who obviously thinks along the same lines as me. Bollocks indeed!

Sirzy · 14/03/2019 09:13

Good on him for putting having a life above money.

Would you move away from your family for the sake of a job? Realistically he won’t be driving an 800 mile round trip each weekend!

Happyspud · 14/03/2019 09:14

I’d feel exactly like you. And have married someone who thinks like me about these sorts of things. Your DH doesn’t and he’s not doing anything wrong not wanting to be away like that.

reallybadidea · 14/03/2019 09:14

Assuming that this is real then he needs to pull up his big boy pants and get on with it. He's got a family to support and that comes before what he "wants" IMHO.

SuziQ10 · 14/03/2019 09:14

I'd never turn down that money. A compressed week would mean he could be with you at home for 3 days and it doesn't have to be forever! It is worth trying though.

Once he's been there a little while and got a feel for it you might consider a temporary move.

NWQM · 14/03/2019 09:15

Contract job away from home. Continue to look for something. Bit of a no brainer really if you can manage at home for the time he is away:

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/03/2019 09:15

Presumably that's at contractor rates so he would need to put away cash for tax etc, that knocks a bit off.

Then cover travel and accommodation for a few nights a week and the money starts coming down.

That's not an unusual rate for a contractor, dh was on similar as an engineer but that's only the gross.

Anyway, I can see his point. And yours obviously. Could he take the lesser paid job and look for a better paid one closer?

BlackPrism · 14/03/2019 09:16

I would relocate if possible... if not then I think he should take it but only for say a year

PrayingandHoping · 14/03/2019 09:16

Having had DH with away from home for a while before relocating I'd say unless you are willing to relocate take the first job.

DrWhy · 14/03/2019 09:17

How long is the contract for? I can understand why you don’t want to relocate if it’s a fixed term contract but if it is then whether it’s 3 months, 6 months a year or more would make a difference to how keen I’d be to take it. Do you have children? If so what are their ages? I’d his employer paying commuting costs and / or accommodation while he stays away (which I assume he’d need to do for the 4 days) if not look at how much of his income they would consume. Also bear in mind that he’ll be paying a heck of a lot of tax on that salary (especially if it’s a year or more long as it will all be in one tax year if he starts it in April). Use a salary calculator for both jobs, deduct any expenses and make them an equivalent package (so if one pays pension contributions and the other doesn’t or paid annual leave) factor those in. Then look at the contract length for both, after that you are in a clearer place to make a decision as to whether the difference is worth the time away.

SupermarketSweeper · 14/03/2019 09:17

Why do people assume he’ll drive the 490 miles? Internal flights are cheap as chips if booked in advance and that would take a couple of hours even allowing for airport messing around. If however it is permanent, why not move?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/03/2019 09:17

That's 'only' £37.50 p/h gross based on a 40 hr would, which is far from unusual in contractor terms.

Gazelda · 14/03/2019 09:18

How long is the contract?

ATBhinchers · 14/03/2019 09:19

This is a real no brainer. Do it whilst looking for something else. Live frugally and save the money in case it becomes unbearable so he could then leave a take a lower paid job closer to home if needed with savings in the bank. God knows what industries he's considering where he'd earn £6500per month in 1 job and minimum wage in the other. He needs to get on linked in.