DH turning down a very well paid job

[BlinkingBrexit]

Will try to be short ; DH was made redundant 18months ago and ,apart from a 6 week stint as a contractor, has not worked. He could not find work so after 7 months I left my low paid but great part time job to go full time locumming to bring in more money. To cut a long story short , after 18montgs finally he has two contract job offers on the table. Option 1 - local firm doing something not related to what he is qualified in and pay reflecting this - just above NLW . But pension and sick pay etc. Option 2 - working 400 miles away , compressed hours (4 days a week) doing what he is qualified to do for 6500 pounds a month. I don't need to say that that money woild be amazing for us - for anyone but he does not want to be away from home really . AIBU for thinking he is mad and selfish ???? Help Mumsnet I need sound advice and perhaps a cold bucket of water to stop me feeling put out ....

I agree with nanny I think he's opting out of life/his responsibilities and leaving it all to you op.
I wonder why you can't have this discussion with him, why you can't honestly express your thoughts and feelings with him?
He's beginning to sound like a cocklodger.

Another upvote for Nanny

And I stand by what I said way earlier in the thread before the massive alcohol drip feed
I just could not respect a man like this

Hi all xx thank you xx horsemen- I promise it was not meant to be a drip feed - the original reason for the post was genuinely to see if IWBU in a black and white way without the other factors taken into consideration . I was getting very overwhelmed and needed clarity. Which I definitely got and very much appreciate - Mumsnet rocks xxx

Take it for 12 months. Bank half the cash to give him a cushion whilst he looks again after. What does DH do?

Am calmer and more resigned after his induction today - the hours are very child friendly so no extra childcare costs which helps massively . Hope fully it will lead to something else if he can prove himself at this place x

Tired and- done deal now ... xx but thank you xx

I mean the money would be great, but do you not think your relationship would be challenging?
He’s away and has to I assume have added cost of travel/hotels to pay for.
He won’t see you often which can cause a strain.
I’d say either you don’t care about seeing him as money is more important or you haven’t discussed full implications together.

Oh do RTFT.

My DH works contracts and he has to go where the work is, sometimes 8 or 9 months a few hundred miles away from home. While the work is well paid, he needs to live somewhere while away, so he rents a flat, pays council tax, utilities etc, travel, it really adds up. And he's exhausted most weekends. Your DH worked hard for his qualifications and if he still wants to do that kind of work, he should think about taking the well paid job, give it a year or so and keep looking for something closer to home. I don't think he's mad or selfish, being away from your home and kids is grim.

6.5k for 12 months would leave you with a really nice nest egg. I'd find it hard to turn that down. In fact I'd move hell and high water to make it happen. It's a miserable living situation but for a short period it would be will worth it

Can I ask what job he is doing in Wrexham for that wage? The closest airport is liverpool about 35 minutes away. There are plenty of places he could rent for £70pw here.

I am a little embarrassed that this has appeared on the Mumsnet daily it has all been decided now - he turned the job down for various reasons last night as he had an induction this morning for the local one so had to call it . Thank ypu for your tioughts though xx

Ah - it is in the pjarma consultant world.

Pharma not pjama 😁

Just take the contract - 4 days a week is fine. I have commuted London/Isle of Man for a year and London/Helskinki for year over a year (leaving DPand 2 DS at home and it was fine)

Now that the decision's been made you have to make the best of it
But reading through your posts I had the strong impression that you weren't communicating clearly with your DH. If he doesn't know what your opinion is he can't take it into account. You're a team - he should seriously consider your point of view and you his before any major decisions are made. Communication is key.

My husband works several thousand miles away and we are him for a week every 6/7 weeks, but longer i n the summer. Earns about 2/3 of that.
Depends what you need to do to keep the wolves from the door and what you can both cope with together for your relationship and apart, the one away gets the loneliness the one at home gets to do everything single handed whilst other is away. We didn't have much option and it was only ever for 2-3 years. We have made it work this far.
Lots to consider apart from money. Don't rush xx

Definitely relocate.. seems the best option. Good luck!

We’d go for it, you never know how long contracts will last and see it that it’ll be worth it in the long run!

Some people here need to RTFT. OP has already said twice her DH has turned the job down and had his induction now at the other job.

OP I know this is a bit cliché, but I do think at some point you will have to talk to your DH about how annoyed you feel. You've sacrificed a lot of family time yourself this past year (going from part-time to full-time) to keep things afloat financially, and this well-paid 6 month contract sounds like it could have made a lot of difference to your lives. I could have understood him more if it had been in Dubai or something and he wouldn't have seen you and the kids for weeks at a time, but he still would have had 2-3 days with you all each week in this contract, so I think it's a shame he didn't just grit his teeth and do it for 6 months and got you all sorted financially.

Ah - it is in the pjarma consultant world

It can work very well. DH is a contractor and works away 4 days a week (he flies) for a megabucks daily rate. He's been doing it for 4 years now and it works well for us (I work 5 days) although our kids are older (15 and 12) too which helps. We spend every weekend doing nice stuff together, he leaves early on Monday morning and comes back about 8pm every Thursday. You get used to it, he loves his job and it's a relatively short term sacrifice for a long term gain - for us anyway.

I should add that before, when the DCs were much younger - he was working silly hours for not nearly as much money and we barely saw him. Plus he was too tired to do anything at the weekends.

Honestly? You would want your hubby to be so far just for some cash? We always neee money more and more. If he cheats and decides to stay there creating a new local home I bet you would be delighted??
Accept job nearby and keep searching for a better pay - this looks very simple for me as for a family oriented person.
Maybe just spend less? And you working full time is perfect opportunity to do your money bringing share that you clearly dont sound like you did before? Why poor men have to work full time but women want “a choice”?? Be fair and supportive- if you want to keep your family happy of course.

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