OP, i don't know if this is too late. But I've been married 30 years and we've had financial ups and downs aplenty.
Our dc are young adults and they resent that their df worked out of town throughout much of their childhood. "What little time he was home." Was one comment.
I look at their toys up in the attic and i think about the waste. I bought them bc dh was gone, we had money but dc wanted their df. The toys were poor substitute. I was basically a single parent for more than half their childhood.
It was sporadic but I look at photos now and think about how young they were. How much time was wasted. Children really are young and wonderful for a short time.
This last time was the worst. Teens need their fathers.
He lived away last for 3 years. Home fridays, left mondays. His contract ended and he came home with a paycut last year. He needed to come home. He was looking ill, he was ill. Dd and ds both needed him. Our relationship was hurting and he was bitter and angry and lonely.
The transition was a very miserable, difficult year with no new clothes, no extras, not even necessities, just basics and we were late paying bills. His bonus came just in time.
But we did it. Our dc suffered along with us as they are living at home and attending university.
The bonus, his raise saved us a few weeks ago. It's not great financially but we finally turned the corner.
His health is 100% better now. Our dc are happier. We're all proud and grateful that we accomplished this difficult year.
It gave us a life together as a family and i have no doubt that he would have died early if he had continued.
4 days away is 3 nights. Meals, dc sick and you alone. Our dd was injured in car accidents and he wasn't here. Her brother and i were at the accidents, the hospital. He had to get home through bad weather. He didn't exercise.
I made meals for him to eat during the week to take to his apt. We put him in the center of the kitchen table while we had dinner most nights. We drifted apart.
My dh has always made more than i can. Twice he had to take a step back, retrain and then move forward. It happens.
I tell you our story bc i don't want you feel bad or to think life is black and white. Sometimes it's just murky without a perfect solution.
Every decision is with consequences. We made the ones that we thought were best. I don't know if they were.
But i think family over money isn't the worst decision to make. I wish you the best. I hope that you have a lovely life with them.