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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH turning down a very well paid job

322 replies

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 09:06

Will try to be short ; DH was made redundant 18months ago and ,apart from a 6 week stint as a contractor, has not worked. He could not find work so after 7 months I left my low paid but great part time job to go full time locumming to bring in more money. To cut a long story short , after 18montgs finally he has two contract job offers on the table. Option 1 - local firm doing something not related to what he is qualified in and pay reflecting this - just above NLW . But pension and sick pay etc. Option 2 - working 400 miles away , compressed hours (4 days a week) doing what he is qualified to do for 6500 pounds a month. I don't need to say that that money woild be amazing for us - for anyone but he does not want to be away from home really . AIBU for thinking he is mad and selfish ???? Help Mumsnet I need sound advice and perhaps a cold bucket of water to stop me feeling put out ....

OP posts:

Farmerswifey12 · 14/03/2019 12:40

I see both sides.

My cousin was in a similar situation, her husband worked away Mon to Thurs, he's took flights there and back. It lasted 6 months before talking about relocating, which they did after he had been in the job for 9 months. However the job he got is hard to get in this area. Is there the option of taking it while looking for something else in this area after a while? Or could you relocate?

My husband didn't turn a job down but did leave a well paid but highly stressful job for one with less money. He is at home more and as a family we are so much happier. We don't have the fancy holidays we once did and do have to watch our spending a bit more, but money isn't everything.

My husband can't get back the time he missed out on with our kids, especially one who was just a baby at the time.

PrettyBelle · 14/03/2019 12:40

I would want my DH to take this job and we would make it work. I don't understand the "money isn't everything" stance. It keeps the family fed, clothed and warm. It is security. Not something to sniff at.

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 12:41

Ok sorry was working but have read all your posts thank y9u so much ! It is definitely a very real situation, and , as the contracting world moves very fast , he needs to answer the recruitment consultant today as he is having his induction tomorrow at the local job. Anyway we live in South East Kent and the away 6month contract is in Wrexham, Wales- I have just googled it and is 268 miles away. We live too far from an airport this end to fly I think . DH works in a specialist role in the pharma industry - but contracts have been thin on the ground and even with me as a locum vet nurse , we are struggling to cover all the bills . We do not own our own house and we are 41 years old so this 6 month contract could potentially enable us to actually finally be able to buy our own house . It is a life changing amount of money . Hope that helps !

OP posts:

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 12:43

Sorry meant to say kids are 16,9 and 5 . The hour rate on the contract is 45 pounds per hour x

OP posts:

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/03/2019 12:44

But is that pre or post expenses?

MumUndone · 14/03/2019 12:46

Only 6 months? Yes, he should definitely take the job.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/03/2019 12:55

How long is the contract on the more local one.? Once you have taken out travel and 6 months accommodation, food and bills, any increased childcare costs you have etc how much more will he have than if he took the local contract especially if the local one is longer than the 6 months. If he cant secure further employment quickly will any extra he has earned need to help pay bills for the following 6 months rather than as a deposit for a house?

User12879923378 · 14/03/2019 12:59

He's not being unreasonable to be reluctant. It's miles away, he doesn't want to be away for most of the week and actually his absence would probably be hard for everyone. You're not being unreasonable to want the income for your family either. I don't know what the answer is but I don't think it would be sensible to approach it on the basis that he is being selfish (I don't think you have said you would but just in case). I think you'll just have to talk it out - I would acknowledge the downside and say I would miss him but then point out the pluses and the short term of the contract.

NicoAndTheNiners · 14/03/2019 13:02

For 6 months he needs to do it.

It could well lead to other stuff, open doors. So possibly a permanent contract and you relocate or if nothing else its new skills, updates his CV so he's current and fresh and mmore attractive to other more local employers in 6 months time.

Yes it won't be nice for either of you to be apart during the week for 6 months but people manage it. My dh worked in Scotland for over a year while I lived in the Midlands with a toddler, working full time and renovating a house. It was stressful but doable.

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 13:03

Yes that is before- so actually I have just w
Irked it out it's 7500 ish a Month gross . It's 6 months with a view to extension

OP posts:

Karwomannghia · 14/03/2019 13:05

I don’t think you’ll be able to make him anyway. You could suggest moving if it’s all about distance but ultimately it’s his choice. He could have the security and benefits in the less well paid job and look for something more well paid or move up in that industry.

Rock0n · 14/03/2019 13:18

If he does decide to take the contract then consider the following:

Is the role inside or outside IR35? If it is inside he will not be able to claim travel & overnight expenses as a taxable deduction. I would recommend he gets the contract reviewed professionally by a specialist.
If the contract is inside, then he will likely want to contract through an umbrella company.
If the contract is outside IR35 then he needs to decide whether to setup a Ltd company or go through an umbrella.
Regarding Recruitment Consultants in the contractor market - don't for one second believe a word they say! Everything will always be urgent - they want their commission ASAP.

dreamingofsun · 14/03/2019 13:27

rockon - i thought you could claim expenses for up to 2 years....the logic being that you wouldnt necessarily move your family for a shorter period than that.

sounds like your kids are at important stages in their schooling so definately wouldnt move.

this is perfectly doable. especially since your kids are slightly older. it was a bit more of a juggle when my 3 were young. my husband hates being away from home but he has chosen to do this for our financial security.

i think it needs to be a joint decision if at all possible

Zofloramummy · 14/03/2019 13:27

I live in Wrexham! Our nearest airport is too far away. There are decent traintimes to London though.
Cost of living is relatively cheap but the industrial estate where the pharma companies are is several miles away from town.
For 6 months I’d do it.
He needs to look into his tax options though.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 14/03/2019 13:28

For six months, he should do it.

You could consider moving. Your chances of buying a house will be far greater where the house prices are lower.

Wrexham isn’t very close to an airport but Manchester or Liverpool might be doable. There are fast trains to London from Chester.

If you relocate, Wrexham isn’t lovely. However, parts of North Wales, Shropshire and Cheshire are very accessible and lovely.

Look at what he will earn after expenses and see if it’s still going to allow you to save for a deposit?

Cost of living would be much lower in the Wrexham area and your job is transferable.

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 13:30

Thanks For the tips - very good points. We set up a ltd company when he started his first contract last year. Now as we swapped over I work under it now. DH has been a full time parent and his confidence really is very low with RC promising the world then never hearing back .... the local one is also a 3 Month probation job with a view to becoming permanent and, like I say - it is well below his qualifialcations but at least is a job .

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Alsohuman · 14/03/2019 13:34

To me it’s a complete no brainer but that’s easy for me to say after a 20 year Mon to Fri away marriage. I miss it now he’s home 24/7. He thinks he owns the remote control!

dreamingofsun · 14/03/2019 13:38

the local job is actually a permanent one then? that changes the dynamic slightly as i thought it was a contract too. what are the promotion prospects there? if he likely to be able to increase his earnings quickly? In which case it sounds a bit more positive

Lifecraft · 14/03/2019 13:39

How long is the contract?

6 sheets of A4 paper.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 14/03/2019 13:41

He needs to sit down with a calculator.

Work out how much it would cost to travel, accomodation etc. Work out his tax liability. Take all that off and see what is left and make a decision based on that.

That long a distance would likely be travel up on Sunday, back on Friday, so even though bit is compressed hours it is still pretty much less than two full days at home. I can understand why he is reluctant.

Dh works away during the week which we weren't keen on to begin with, but the job was worth it. However he stays with family when there so no accommodation costs, and works from home two days a week. And it is only 2.5 hrs away. 300 plus miles is very different.

CornishMaid1 · 14/03/2019 13:41

It depends whether the local job is permanent or temporary. If it is permanent, it may be the better option - lower wage now, but in six months of the new job, your DH would be in the same position he has been in and it could be another 18 months before he finds another job.

Original poster

BlinkingBrexit · 14/03/2019 13:42

I suppose we could put relocation on the table as an option - especially as I am definitely open to that idea anyway - I can usually find work anywhere. Thanks for the input re the area - it's not about money for me so much as security . Our own house is a dream of ours. But DH is very fearful at the moment - I suspect he is out of practice, redundancy hit him hard and it's been a tough few months. That's why I struggle to understand why he would not just jump at this opportunity 😞

OP posts:

lyralalala · 14/03/2019 13:44

You need to sit down and work out how much he’d come out with after tax, accommodation, travel and things like food (unless he gets a flat/AirBnB hotels add up).

Also be realistic about travel time. 300 miles on a Tuesday afternoon can be a totally different prospect to 300 miles on a Friday evening or Sunday evening.

We did it for 6 months. Hired an au pair and a cleaner. It was worth it as it was truly life changing money. You and he need to work out if the impact is worth it for your family.

Waveysnail · 14/03/2019 13:44

If he's been a sahd I can understand why he wouldn't want to suddenly be away from the kids

SleepingStandingUp · 14/03/2019 13:49

So he's been a SAHD for the last 18 months and you think he should just pack his bags and work away most of the week? How will the kids cope, especially the youngest one?
Can you ddo school run with work a or will this mean you need to /are able to cut your hours down again?
I can see how it might feel like you're kicking pushing him out of main family life so you can work less and enjoy it more rTher than it being a balance between the both of you

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