Does having one DC make people assume 'never again!'?

[MidwifeyForLifey]

I've been told twice now, by different people, that because I'm choosing to keep my son as an only child, it looks like I thought 'never again'.

What do you subconsciously think when you know/see someone with an only child?

I have thought about it some more, and before having my current DC, I remember sometimes thinking why there wasn't more than one when seeing an only child, and that child didn't have any siblings.

For me, it's because my DC is so bloody fantastic that I won't risk having another one because I know I won't get so lucky again Not prepared to risk it. Love having kids 1. And I loved being a singleton for 11+ years.

For the first year or so for me it was a case of 'never again' due to PND, colic, prolapse etc with no support network. Now DS is an incredibly well behaved 3 year old it's more an active positive choice as for me at least parenting is a doddle. I can't imagine wanting to make it hard again by having another child. DS needs me to be healthy more than he needs a sibling.

DS is nearly 3 and will be an only. Combination of traumatic delivery, terrible sleeper, pnd and now possible asd. Even before asd referral myself and DH weren't sure, I don't fancy doing weaning again, going through teething again and we were coming out of the baby fog, with time to ourselves and left DS with my parents for meals out, even a weekend away. The first two years put a strain on our marriage, we've been together nearly 15 years and I hope DS would rather have happy, married parents than a sibling. There are some practical, financial reasons even though we could afford another.

We also think DS is utterly gorgeous and I just don't want another.

Prior to having DS I probably wouldn't have given only children much thought but now I know how complex the reasons could be, thanks to knowing friends experiences too, and its none of my business. People always think pregnancy and babies are an invitation for unsolicited comments. I was told by a complete stranger when DS was 4 months old that I MUST have another as otherwise DS will be spoilt, she had no idea of my circumstances. IVF? adoption? I had a massive haemorrhage when I gave birth and could have ended up with a hysterectomy.

There's a lady on my street with triplets, all boys, she gets asked if she'll try for a girl. No matter what your circumstances people will comment. People just need to stop judging others, doesn't matter how many children you have as long as they are loved and cared for.

A thousand one child families will have a thousand different reasons and none of them are anyone else’s business to judge.
That said, my own experience is that I am very lucky to have my brother and I am thankful that none of the reasons PPs have mentioned stopped my parents from having him. My life would be poorer in so many ways without him, and it’s a relationship that only children can never experience or benefit from. Just as I did not benefit from being the sole recipient of my parents attention and money, as onlies do.
The only people I feel “sad” for, as a PP said, are the people who have had difficult or fractured relationships with their siblings. Sharing parents is no guarantee you will be best friends for life. Again, I know I’m lucky and I’m grateful.

8 years of countless miscarridges and issues. Finally get pregnant and have a very hard pregnancy. Bed bound entire time due to severe HG. Before a traumatic labour that nearly lost us both.

I am so grateful for my happy healthy baby. But I could never go through pregnancy again. Been advised to wait at least 3yrs anyways by drs. So my body can heal.

But even though I had always dreamt of a big family. Im fairly certain shell be my only child.

It never entered my head that people might think its any reflextion on her. Infact thats upset me a little that people may think that.

I think how sensible 😂

The 'you can't miss what you've never had' line is such utter crap.

I I categorically miss stuff I've never had.

I have one friend who would have like to have more than one DC but due to awful pregnancy and horrific birth, both her and her partner decided that they'd never do it again.
She does feel sad sometimes but I think fear of going through that again outweighs that sadness by far.

So many of my friends have different reasons for only having 1 child I don't even think about it when I meet someone. Reasons include maternal health, child health, secondary infertility, not being able to afford more fertility treatment, not being able to afford a larger family, relationship breakups, not wanting a second, and just being done.

No one thought their first was so perfect they discounted a second - that just seems bizarre! DD was almost a perfect child... happy all the time and remains so. People warned us that any sibling would have a lot to live up to. DS is a whole new level of happiness, and is a much better sleeper than she ever was! And we'd have loved him and cherished him no matter how he turned out

I’m an only child with an only child. TBH i’ve Heard so much crap about only children since I was a kid I think I just tune them out now. My very favourite was a lady who told me it was such a shame, I had an only child as I couldn’t pass down school uniform

That’s hilarious raspberry. What a ridiculous thing to say!

I have two and I know my mum would have liked me to have three, like her, and like my sister. It has really messed up my head at times, being honest.

In reality, two are too much for me sometimes (often!). When DC2 came along I was just about managing with one after two years of really struggling to adjust. For some motherhood comes naturally, and they thrive on it. I found it more difficult. I love my kids (and wanted two) but I also want them to have enough attention from me and feel loved enough. I personally sometimes feel that is a struggle to achieve. As a third child, I know that even the kindest, most organised parents, can unwittingly not have enough time/energy for each subsequent offspring and that this can have lifelong, if not always obvious, consequences.

Also, people often talk on here about the joy of lots of adult children around at Christmas etc. For each adult child (often) comes a partner. I can vouch for the fact that big family christmasses do not always make for a pleasant time for everyone (sometimes quite the opposite!). My family could safely be described as having ‘too many people with too many strong opinions’.

I don't think anything (being the mum of an only).

Anymore than I think anything about the young woman whose eldest children used to go the primary school as my DS was leaving. She is mid 20s and has five children under 7 years old. Yes they are hers, she's not a child minder and no, I didn't ask (not my business), she used to work in my hairdressers and we'd sometimes bump into each other on the way to school so kids were a regular chat topic.

Actually, that's a lie. When I see her I think what a brilliant mum she is. Never lost her rag even though she often had to 'round them up' on the way to school - think two on scooters (reception and year 2), one in a pram, two toddling (2 and 3 years old i.e making a run for it). But that's not quite the same thing.

It's not my business how many children people have and, to be honest, if you see the parent and child out and about how do you know they're an only? My friend has a 12 year old and a 23 year old (11 years between because they have different dads). When her youngest was a toddler, her eldest was almost at the end of secondary school so it was rare to see them out as a family.

I'm a never again mum. I love DD dearly but pregnancy and labour was hard. I lost nearly 2 stone while pregnant.

I told DH if he wanted another he would have to carry it and be a stay at home dad as we wouldn't afford childcare for 2.