Does having one DC make people assume 'never again!'?

[MidwifeyForLifey]

I've been told twice now, by different people, that because I'm choosing to keep my son as an only child, it looks like I thought 'never again'.

What do you subconsciously think when you know/see someone with an only child?

I have thought about it some more, and before having my current DC, I remember sometimes thinking why there wasn't more than one when seeing an only child, and that child didn't have any siblings.

For me, it's because my DC is so bloody fantastic that I won't risk having another one because I know I won't get so lucky again Not prepared to risk it. Love having kids 1. And I loved being a singleton for 11+ years.

I have one child, and I'm much more interested and fundamentally surprised by why so many people go on to have a subsequent child. One is normal to me, and it genuinely never occurs to me to speculate. Other people find it a much more curious decision than I do, given the spate of 'Oh, an only is a lonely!' and 'You CAN'T let him be an only child!' cries from virtual strangers.

I tend to think that one reason could be infertility, and they feel lucky to have been able to have even one.

I also don't assume anything 🤷🏻‍♀️ my SIL only has one, I have 1 and another on the way, SIL was pushed out by her mum because of younger sibling so I get it, i had 4 siblings and would of been very lonely without them x

Why is an only child such an issue for some people. Children are just children and it’s irrelevant if they have no siblings or 5.

I don't think it is an issue, but thoughts run through people's minds, it is quite natural and I think people are just being honest about their thoughts

I don’t think anything. I don’t assume fertility, bad birth experience etc, I just think what’s right one for family might not be right for another.

From reading posts on here, it sounds like parents with one child get a lot of feedback on their decision (or I suppose sometimes it’s not a decision but just the way it’s worked out for them). But I read a quote somewhere along the lines of someone’s opinion of me being none of my business so I try to stick to that!

...fundamentally surprised by why so many people go on to have a subsequent child.

Seriously?

You’re surprised by someone wanting more than one child? Do you mean that you can’t think of any reason why a couple would want any more than one?

I don't think it is an issue, but thoughts run through people's minds, it is quite natural and I think people are just being honest about their thoughts

This with bells on 🔔

How ridiculous, I didn't have fertility problems, my DD is perfect, I also had a horrible time with siblings. I also don't want to chance my luck.

I want to give her my attention. All of it.

She's at private school and skiing at the moment, would never have been possible with 2 DC's

She absolutely is adamant that she doesn't want a sibling. My siblings have added strife to my life.

HTH the ridiculous posters.

I’m not sure I’d think anything. Maybe I’d assume that you couldn’t have anymore. It’d never cross my mind that you’d thought “never again”. Who cares what people think. And as a mum of 3 I struggle and often think how much they’d be better off as an only child with my full attention/no siblings annoying them/ a calmer and less stressed me.

You see my problem with this is that just having one child is now a fully viable choice without any other factors coming into play. We have contraception, for the most part it works, we choose the number of children we want. It just seems so random to me that anyone would assume I have some kind of problem because I don't have more than one. Yes some people want more and sadly cannot but I chose to have one. Why is that so difficult a concept to get on board with!! I don't assume people with more than one had multiple contraception failures I assume they made a choice to have multiple children.

Dd is an only. She would have loved a sibling. My health was too poor for another. This didn’t stop my mother bitching to me and my friends. I didn’t start early enough apparently. Except I did and ended up having ivf mid 30’s after a few years of ttc.

Why the eff people think they have the right to have a say over what happens to my body idk. It’s incredibly rude. Yes, dd would have made a great sibling and wanted one. But it wasn’t to be.

When I see children, who are onlys I don’t think anything. I accept the reality of the situation.

I wouldn't think anything about it

It's one of those things about which people justify themselves for no reason and manage to insult everyone who made a different decision in the process.

I wouldn't wonder at all unless I had reason to, but reading things like "I stopped at one because my child is so fantastic" or "I wanted to give my child all my attention" make me wonder a lot!

I know people with onlys due to fertility reasons because they've said so voluntarily, and one holier than though couple who compromise their admirable (much stated) environmental reason by having a large number of very large dogs and two enormous fuel inefficient cars!

Generally I don't wonder about family size unless people voluntarily start talking about it, especially if they protest too much in a competitive or insulting way.

I would think fertility issues are at play, but would never ask/ comment.

Thou not though

My daughter is an only child and I get asked all the time if we're going to have another one.

So what though? People ask if you're having more if you have 2 kids aswell, it's just conversation. Why do people get so sensitive about this shit.

Tbh I assume they were unable to have another child.

I would assume it wasn't through choice. My Mum hated being an only (as a child and still as an adult) so much that she had a big family herself. Having seen how she struggled with being an only I can't imagine anyone choosing that option for their own child.

For those that want an only because they have bad relationships with their siblings I'd assume that was at least partly because of your parents poor parenting skills and so being an only wouldn't necessarily solve your family issues.

I don't give it much thought except to assume there is some reason for it (PND, secondary infertility, a non-sleeper, single (no partner), struggled to cope, etc), as I (personally) can't imagine only wanting one. Even though rationally, I know some do only want one.

I have quite a number of friends with only children, and I never really gave it a lot of thought, or assumed anything except that their individual, particular circumstances guided their decision.

Also, I am an only child, and though I occasionally wished for a sibling, I also knew from watching friends that sibling relationships were not always guaranteed to be close. My DH and I decided to stop at 2, for similar reasons to you only having 1...we had 2 healthy, fairly easy dcs, so we didn't want to take any chances! We are lucky that they absolutely adore each other, and choose to hang out even now as they approach their teenage years. It gives me the experience of observing the sibling relationship I never had, without any real parenting difficulties.

Each to their own, I guess...I can't understand why people judge any number of children!

I wouldn't assume anything, honestly.

If I was going to assume anything then 'never again' would probably be the last thing that would come to mind.

I was/am a young mum so I always people forget fertility and assume 'ohh never again!

But what is wrong with “never again”??

Why are you so obsessed with wondering if people think that about you?

Saying “never again” (for whatever reason) is absolutely fine!

AryaStarkWolf exactly - people ask whether you're going to try for a girl if you have 2 boys, or whether you're going to "even the numbers up" if you have a girl and two boys, or whether you're going to try for a 5 a side team if you have 4...

Two different people said "it can happen to anyone, but you'll manage fine" when I started showing with dc3 because (they both said) I already had a boy girl pair! Now that's more insulting than people asking whether you're going to have another!

When people get defensive without reason, that's when I wonder what's going on in their heads...

I'm amazed people even give it a second thought. Having one child is a personal calculated decision for most.

I do want to give my DD all my attention and the best life I can, I hope that is OK with others.

My life with siblings was compromised, DD sees it with her friends. I don't want another child. That's all!

My life, DD's life DH's life, end of.

I have several friends with secondary infertility. So I do tend to assume that and as such would NEVER comment. I cannot imagine only wanting one child, so I guess this is why I assume it is not choice.