To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

[Dairyqueen2]

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

My dad is 14 and there's no way he is getting a car from me when he gets to 17. Have you explained to him that you can't afford it?

@Dairyqueen2 Not unreasonable AT ALL

We did buy ours a block of lessons and had plans to get them insured on my car but that was a gift they really appreciated mainly because they didn't expect, ask or have plans for anything other than to foot the cost themselves.

If they had or got pissy about it - no chance. They'd be made to fork out for everything themselves.

I choose to drive around in a knackered old ruster that is just about legal, cost no more than a couple of hundred and is good for traipsing around with dogs and horses so they can use that to share and get themselves about if they want and need to. If they would rather not and have a real desire to drive something "better" they can do but it won't be out of our pocket.

You could call your son's bluff and say if you pay for the lessons and buy a cheap car - he pays to insure, run, MOT and tax it. See how quickly he changes his mind then.

Don’t do it. My mum got me a car when I was 16 and driving lessons. It was a bloody waste I didn’t take it seriously as I had nothing to really aim for it was already on my drive & it ended up being a complete waste of money.

YANBU. Just explain You can’t afford it. If he doesn’t like it, too bad.

Fuck that! No-one I KNOW has bought their 17 y.o. a bunch of driving lessons and a bloody car! That's bullshit. Unless someone is proper loaded, there's no way they would do this.

Me, and everyone I know paid for our own damn driving lessons AND our own car. Seems very infantile and childish to get mommy and daddy to pay for it. Get a job and pay for your own FGS. I bet these same people expect mommy and daddy to pay for their phone contract too!

When DD was at uni, several of her friends there (19-20 y.o.) had mommy and daddy paying for the phone contract! WTAF?!

We live in an area where driving is a necessity. We absolutely will be paying for dd to have driving lessons. I want her to be driving while she is still young enough for me to supervise and punish if needed. Buying a car will depend upon our financial situation, our job schedules, and her schedule. We may simply share our existing vehicles with her.

Paying for your kids driving lessons when they turn 17 is the norm around here but we are quite rural so driving is pretty much a necessity (and we're all fed up off having to drive them about by then)

I'd say it's about 50/50 wether parents buy them a car or the kids have to pay for that themselves.
I've never known anyone to buy their kid one before they've passed their test though.

I wanted to get DS driving before he went to university so paid for lessons for his birthday and took him out driving myself for practise. I paid for the first tests, theory and practical, as well but he knew if he failed that he would have to pay himself to resit - that was his incentive to swot up and pass first time.

He used money that had been gifted to him by various family members to buy a car but only after he had got himself a job to pay for the running of it - that was the condition.

When DS1 was in 6th Form a lot of his peers got bought a car on their 17th birthday and they all drove to school.
We paid for all of his lessons and his test and insured him on my car when he passed.
He's gone to Uni now so drives mine when he's home.
Just started paying for DS2's lessons.

I'm 24 and I'm currently learning to drive now. My mum was a single parent. She wouldn't of been able to afford to pay for my lessons and a car when I was 17, nor did I expect her to. Most of my friends also funded their own car/lessons.
Don't feel bad, its cheeky that children expect it of their parents when it hasn't be made obvious that that would be the plan.

My children are too small at the minute to think about this, they’re 5 and 3 but I’ll be buying my stepdaughter 1 lesson a week and probably buying her a small runaround in the region of around £3,000, if she carries on working her part time job and saving.

But we can afford to do it easily.

I was bought lessons and a car when I turned 17 and I think it’s really important and opens up so many more job opportunities (well, not the actual opportunities but it makes it so much easier to work where you want) and makes your life so much easier/convenient.

I think we are for dd who is 17 at the end of this year. She’s getting lessons for her birthday, and we’ve had a car savings account for her for years which she could access now, but we’re debating letting her have it at 17 or wait until she is 18. She would have to pay for insurance, road tax, mot etc. It depends on her work/college and if it’s really needed or if she can wait a year. The minute she ‘expects’ it is the moment I decide she’s not getting it though, it’s a privilege, not a given.
I know some friends who have their dds on their insurance but the cost was enormous to do that too.

My eldest dd is 17. I have bought her provisional for her and I am trying to save up to get her a car. I have told her I can't afford her lessons as well so she is trying to get a job to pay for these.

YANBU I had to pay for my own lessons at the same age. It's so bloody expensive.

Just to add, if I even suspected that DS had any expectation that I would foot the bill, it would have been off the table completely and he’d still be getting the bus probably!

We are getting a car for DS1 if he ever passes his bloody test (has failedx2). It will be bliss not having to drive him and DS2 to sixth form and work every day. He will pay for his own insurance and petrol.
He starts a nursing degree in Sept so will be able to get himself to and from practice placements in a rural area.

YANBU at all.
My 3rd dc is now learning to drive.
All got a 'promise' of 10 driving lessons from us to cash in whenever they wanted, for their 17th birthdays - the rest they have had to pay for themselves (they all put 'cash for driving lessons' on their wish lists the Birthday / Christmas before they could start learning... but out family traditionally give gifts worth about £15 so they were 'contributions towards').
They've all paid fro them out of their earnings from their PT jobs. They pay for own tests too.
When they passed, I've put each of them as a named driver on my car for a year at 1/2 the additional cost (so I pd 1/2 and they pd 1/2 of the increase incurred through putting them on). Then they've started to save up for their own car, and, more crucially, their own insurance.

The older 2 have been very, very proud of the fact they have 'earned' their cars.

Driving lessons you should get him, car no (although could you I sure him on your car?)

He's gone up to a new 6th form with 5 others from his old school, and 3 of those now have cars. They all passed after about 3 months of lessons! I think it's not a realistic picture of his year group, tho. We have, of course, explained that we can't afford it, and he has taken that on board. I'm just flabbergasted by the amount of 17/18 yo's driving around in their own cars. But very little public transport here. I also thought, if we paid for the running of his car now, when would we stop? When he goes to uni? When he finishes uni?? When would it end ..

Dear God! I remember being 17 and desperate to drive! My parents paid for my lessons- had the first one on my birthday-But no car was given to me- my mum told me they were willing to pay the £8.00 a week until I took a test then I was on my own. I did actually pass 1st time and had access to the family car but it was rather limited! I remember them going on holiday and driving to 6th form for a few days feeling very grown up. My own DS is approaching the same age but has refused lessons as he is 'shit at driving games' on his Ps4 and refuses to believe it's rather different in real life. To be fair he lacks co-ordination so I'm somewhat relieved! In my circle its totally not normal to be given a car!

...and he's got a brother 2 years younger, which is another reason for not gifting a car!! We'd end up running 4 cars in 2 years' time!

Ah, the old ‘Everyone Else’s Mum gives them/let’s them...’ never gets old does it? There’ll be maybe two who’ve been given driving lessons and maybe one with well-off parents who’s been given lesson and the promise of a car when he/she passes the test. If you can afford it I’d get him a set of lessons and say you’ll see about a car maybe when he starts uni or work and if he starts saving towards one himself in the meantime.

Warped ... it's true, though. Three school friends now have cars. His cousin got given one for his 18th, and a friend of mine is now saving up with her ex to get their son the same age a car. That's why I feel like the odd one out!!

I moved from the UK to Oz when my oldest was 10 and being from a working class family, this never even entered my head. Now DD is 14 and I realise that it's "a thing" here. I'm worried about it!

I certainly don't think buying a car as soon as a DC turns 17 should be expected.

However, I'm relay not sure why @HoppityFrog3 seems to be so self-righteously up-in-arms about parents daring to pay for phone contracts for DC at uni. DS is in his first year at uni doing a difficult course, and to be quite honest, I would much rather he was focused on that as well as taking advantage of extra-curricular opportunities than worrying about working alongside to pay for phone contracts.

Both me and DH have good jobs and it would be utterly ludicrous for us to begrudge paying for a £5 a week phone contract. DS works hard at his course, which requires a lot of extra reading, so I really would wonder about the parenting skills of parents(who can afford to) choosing not to ensure that their DC are able to focus on the actual reason they're at university in the first place.

I was sort of given the choice of motorcycle or car (but my parents couldn't afford to pay for me to have and run a car). I chose motorcycle, took me a few attempts to pass, and my parents paid for it and paid the running costs (1/10th of my friends little car).

I took over when I got a job but we moved somewhere where I couldn't really use it much anymore and then I moved back to London and it wasn't worth the stupidly expensive insurance so I've given it up but I appreciated the freedom when I was at college and my parent got someone to pick up my brother from after school club every now and then instead of my Mum getting the bus.