To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

[Dairyqueen2]

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

I wouldn't buy a car but lessons yes.

And yes I pay for a phone contract too (and probably will continue once ds is at uni). It's in my interests for him to be contactable as well as his to have a phone. Plus the fact it's only £7.50 a month with Giffgaff so not exactly extravagant.

It is a landmark birthday, to be old enough to drive, and kind of symbolic. I think it's important even if you only pay for some lessons and not the car just yet, and a car is a must in a rural area so they can get out and about. We gave my stepsons lessons on their 17th and waited until their 18th for cars, which would give another year for that (you don't have to go crazy, a sound but oldish runaround doesn't have to cost the earth). You could get family to contribute towards it at Christmas and his next birthday.

Hmm on the other hand my mum didn’t drive so didn’t see it as important and had no interest in helping me learn and I went off to uni with a similar attitude and then couldn’t really afford to learn to drive until I had my son at which point I moved out of the city, had a rubbish commute by train and passing my test was a massive pain in the arse and expense at a time I didn’t need it. I always say I wish it had been drilled into me to get it out the way as soon as possible and will do my best to tick it off for my kids.

I don't know how people afford the insurance for teens. It can be thousands, much more than when I was a teenager.
I'm told it can be cheaper to buy a brand new car with free insurance than to insure an old car .

There is no way I can insure a teen on my car, it's an MPV. Most insurers restrict those to over 25s only.

I learned to drive at 17, and then had use of my mum's car (a basic old runaround) but didn't get my own car until after uni, when I got given the basic old runaround as DM got a newer car. So I didn't have to buy a car but I paid for upkeep.

If you live rurally it makes absolute sense your DS learns to drive asap. Not for his fun, but because it could come in really handy for you. As for buying a car, that's down to finances and whether people want their DCs to have their own transport (and all the expenses needed to run it).

If you can’t afford it it’s a non starter.

Learning to drive was non negotiable in my house, one of my siblings didn’t want to.
However we lived in an incredibly remote location (Scottish highlands) 40 odd miles from a train station and no busses. My mother was widowed very young too so didn’t have time to be ferrying us around all the time indefinitely

My eldest is rapidly approaching that age and will most definitely be getting driving lessons. I'm in the "it's a life skill" camp and the sooner you learn, the better.

As for the car - well, that's sill under debate. He won't be allowed to drive DH's car as it's leased through his employer and drivers are restricted to over 21s. My car is a "mum bus" which isn't really suitable either. So we may buy something like a few years old Up, Aygo, Corsa, for him to use, on the understanding that it will be shared with his siblings when they pass in due course.

I don't think it's the best time, likely to be experimenting with drink, maybe not v responsible. Young blokes most likely to be in accidents, massive insurance premium.
Better in a few years when they settle their heads and focus more.

My DDs both got money towards driving lessons when they were 18, as part of their birthday presents. My eldest had money towards a car at 19, but she also had to find 1/3 along with her father of the cost plus insure it herself.
My youngest didn't have a car, but I insured mine so she could drive it. She's now working and has her own car.
Buying your child a car just because his friends have been given one is not a good enough reason IMO. His friends can give him a lift to college as they all have cars 🤣
PS do you know the stats on car accidents in young men? That's why insurance for them is so horrendous!

That is a sweeping generalisation Missingstreetlife. This generation of teenagers in my experience of DSs and their peers are the most sensible yet.

Lessons are the standard 17th birthday present in my family, and the kids have known since early teens not to even think of asking for anything else! I see learning to drive in the same way as learning to swim, it’s a life skill that’s best obtained when you’re young.
It’s quite common for kids where I live to have their own car, mainly because it can be cheaper to buy a small engined car than it is to insure them on the family car

I got driving lessons as my 17th birthday present. After the first 10, I paid for them myself. My parents did buy me a moped (I needed it to get to my agricultural college) but I bought my own first car.

I plan to teach my kids to drive myself when they're 16 and pay for their lessons at 17 and get them passed as soon as they can, I know how important it can be when looking for a job!

Driving lessons I would definitely pay for, part of the skills parents are supposed to cover IMO. Buying the car, maybe but not at 17, maybe when they start working.

Oddly enough we were talking about this the other day. My ndn's ds was 16, and he has already been saving towards lessons. His dad has an old car and will take him off road to learn how to manoeuvre a car before he takes lessons.

He is a sensible boy, has had a job and will be getting one after his GCSE. With a cost of around £700 plus for the college buses some parents are part funding cars. For many if you can't drive getting a job is almost impossible.

My dd is 16 so when she starts learning to drive we will pay for her driving lessons I think it’s really important for her to learn to drive, shes seen first hand how difficult it would of been for me if I couldn’t drive getting her older brother to various hospital appointments and assessments because of his condition, it definitely make life easier and I speak as some omeone who never wanted to learn to drive, it was only my mum who one said to me “your thank me for it one day” and I certainly do.

Our dd has a savings account which we have been putting into since she was a baby which was always the plan to either use it to buy a car or a house deposit.

I’m 25 now but I was somewhere in the middle. While I didn’t get anything paid for me, as such, I was added to the fleet insurance on the farm at 17 so paid a very low amount in insurance (around £200) but paid for all my lessons and for my car myself.
All but one of my friends in sixth form had their (generally very nice indeed) car bought for them and all expenses paid, but then, I ran with a wealthy crowd.

None of my kids friends have been given cars and only a handful have even learned to drive. The insurance is horrendous, even richer parents think twice. The only 2 people I know who paid for lessons in full (as opposed to just 10 or so) live in very rural locations and were fed up with being their kids taxi!

It depends where you live, we used to live in London and our friends children there use public transport as it is a good service. None have cars, no where to park just not needed. We now live in a rural area just outside the m25 and ALL my children’s friends have lessons, MOST have their own cars too. It’s quite common for a family to buy an old small, 1L engine car for siblings to share. If your cars are suitable for learners, ie) not too powerful otherwise high insurance and you’re not too worried about potential damage to your car then adding them to your car insurance an option. Most people round here prefer the old banger for the kids option, they can’t then start building up theirs own no claims bonus and not impact your own if they have a bump! Most children go to university now which involves lots of debt and the property ladder almost impossible to join so helping with car costs is one less financial burden. We can all only do what we can. Good luck!

We did lessons, but won’t be buying a car! We will insure him on ours.

To all those saying they are saving up to buy their teen a car. What about the insurance?!

That can be £800+!

It is a good time to get learning out of the way. It is more difficult when you have a full time job and kids to find time for it.

I wouldn't get them car though. It was only a couple of hundred more to have the kids added to the insurance and it is helpful for them to drive so we didn't have to give them lifts and so they could pick us up when drinking.

If you can't afford it then of course YANBU.

However, if I could afford it then I would buy them lessons, just to start them off (and especially as you're rural). I didn't learn until my early 30s because I used to live somewhere I didn't need a car, and it was ridiculously expensive and hard work. I'm sure if I'd had learned at 17 I'd have found it much easier.

When I was a teen almost everyone took lessons at 17. Most then got cars. I had lessons paid for by parents and my parents bought a car for £500 which I was to pay back £100 a month from my Saturday job. I was also to pay all running costs. We lived in a rural area so it was fair enough as they were fed up driving me everywhere but at that age I wanted to go out with friends at weekends.

I hope to do this for my kids (share a car). I had lessons paid for and passed at 17, I’d always loved cars and driving but once I’d passed I couldn’t drive because i didn’t have a car and wasn’t insured on anyone else’s. Babysitting money wouldn’t have covered it. I dreamt of having a car and bought magazines. Some of my friends brought cars to school and I’d drive them at lunch time. The freedom was brilliant.
The reason I partly want a second car in the family is so I can choose one! Also don’t want them driving my huge car. But I think it’s easier to learn when you’re younger. Quite ok to say no if it’s too much of a stretch though!

I think this is less about driving and more about the fact that your DS thinks you are unreasonable not to buy him a car and pay for his lessons. If he is genuinely behaving in such an entitled way, with no realistic appreciation of your family’s financial situation, then you should absolutely not give in to this. It’s a question of values not driving. Teenagers are not entitled to expensive things by right, they don’t get to have everything their mates have and they need to internalise the fact that we work for what we have. What efforts does he think HE should make in order to get what he wants?

We set money aside when they were tiny (while we still had some ) for their driving lessons. My dad promised me driving lessons on my seventeenth birthday, talked about it a lot, but they never materialised. I didn't want to do that to DC.