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Original poster

To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

268 replies

Dairyqueen2 · 06/03/2019 23:12

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

OP posts:
Singlemumscum · 08/03/2019 08:29

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EddieVeddersfoxymop · 08/03/2019 08:30

Since DD was born we've always said she'll get a car and lessons for her 17th. We are all petrolheads in our family so it's just assumed that's the way it will be!! She's 11 now so still a while to go. At risk of being totally flamed, we bought a private reg that spells her name when she was 4. She doesn't know about it, but it will go on her car for her 17th birthday. Appreciate we are not the norm though.

Tensixtysix · 08/03/2019 08:38

Don't know how they do it. You can't apply for a provisional license until three months before your 17th (I think).
Then you have to have lessons, apply for the written test (waiting list in my area), then when you have passed, take the practical (another waiting list).
Could take a whole year!
But at least we managed to save up for lessons and a car. But we're not spending more than £2K on an old banger!
A friend wanted to know if it was better to get brand new!! Shock

StoneofDestiny · 08/03/2019 08:40

Driving lessons yes - easier to pass when young. No way would I buy a car for a 17 year old (unless in a case of exceptional need) regardless of wether I could afford it or not.

Singlemumscum · 08/03/2019 08:46

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yikesanotherbooboo · 08/03/2019 08:47

We paid for lessons and a car that they ( and we) could drive. Very few of my children's friends had cars . The main ones who did/ do are those who live in the country whose parents are thus relieved of ferrying duties.

m00rfarm · 08/03/2019 08:53

I bought my son a car when he was 17 and his father and he paid for the insurance. I bought him the car because he will be doing longer motorway journeys and his father was talking about my son putting his savings towards an old banger for around 500. As neither of them are mechanical (nor likely to be) I was happier knowing my son was driving around in a 3 year old fiesta rather than something that was more than likely going to expire during a motorway journey. And i would rather his savings went to something more relevant.

I had an early pension payment so used this money to pay for it. He did not ask, nor expect to get a car. All his birthday money and christmas money from his relatives also went towards it for two years. He has paid for his own phone contract since he started working part time when he was 15. He funds himself pretty much totally.

DParse · 08/03/2019 08:55

My parents bought me driving lessons for my 17th b'day and a car as soon as I passed my test. It was pretty much the norm among my classmates (though I remember being repelled by one who cried because she was given the 'wrong' personalised number plate by her DF).

It's also pretty much the norm at my DC's schools. However...

DS (almost 17) is at boarding school and they are not allowed cars at school under any circumstances whatsoever. So he has not shown any interest in learning to drive.

This is a massive relief, because I can't begin to afford driving lessons, never mind a car for anyone.

DD (15) is already campaigning for driving lessons and a car, because all her friends have already been promised them. Unfortunately she'll have to be the odd one out. She is already cross about this in advance, but that's just the way it is, unfortunately. We do right in the middle of somewhere with brilliant public transport, so she won't be stuck. I am sorry I can't help her, but that's the way it goes...

EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/03/2019 08:56

No way would I buy a car for a 17 year old (unless in a case of exceptional need) regardless of wether I could afford it or not.

That's what we thought until we realised it was cheaper to buy another car. And we haven't given the car to either ds, it remains our car but they can be insured on it and drive it. DS1 has now bought his own car with his own money.

DParse · 08/03/2019 08:58

I also had a petrol account at the local garage, so I didn't even have to pay for petrol. Wish I had that now! How very lucky I was to have parents who were a) generous, and b) could afford to be generous...

needthisthread · 08/03/2019 09:15

No way would I buy a car for a 17 year old (unless in a case of exceptional need) regardless of wether I could afford it or not.

Any particular reason?

StoneofDestiny · 08/03/2019 09:51

Yes - because it's not needed. At 17 they were not in full time work so public transport got them to school and back. They didn't need one at Uni and used trains to get home for visits etc. If they wanted a car bad enough they would have worked and paid for it - and be old enough to reckon up the cost of insurance and repair in to the deal. That has now happened that they are in full time work - and then we made a financial contribution to buying a better car than they hoped for (as a surprise).

EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/03/2019 10:14

But Stone as I said it was cheaper in our case to buy an additional car, so it made no sense not to do so.

Justanotheruser01 · 08/03/2019 10:53

I learnt when i was 25 i could have paid to learn earlier but i had no desire. Mum and dad couldn't have given me a £ towards it at 17 but always made sure i had a lift if needed.

Yabbers · 08/03/2019 11:00

I’d pay for lessons if you can but I wouldn’t feel I had to buy a car unless we lived rurally and were unable to car share. The insurance alone is ridiculously expensive.

Yabbers · 08/03/2019 11:02

When DD was at uni, several of her friends there (19-20 y.o.) had mommy and daddy paying for the phone contract! WTAF?! confused

Struggling to see a problem with this. My parents also paid for my accommodation and food and utilities whilst at uni. If parents want to be able to contact their children, paying for a mobile phone contract whilst they are at Uni is a good idea. Being a student is expensive enough and if parents can afford it of course they would pay for a mobile phone.

needthisthread · 08/03/2019 11:30

stone so when you said no way you were referring to your own personal circumstances rather than to the idea of bui g a 17yo a car

Singlemumscum · 08/03/2019 11:44

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daisypond · 08/03/2019 11:47

When DD was at uni, several of her friends there (19-20 y.o.) had mommy and daddy paying for the phone contract! WTAF?! confused

I pay for my DD's phone at university, as I did when she was at school. Maintenance is means tested, so what isn't paid for through the loan I also pay for - that's why it's means tested on the parents' income. I'll stop paying when she gets a job after university. That seems normal to me.

DareIAdmit · 08/03/2019 11:52

My parents paid for my first ten lessons as a present, I funded the rest and the test fees. I was very fortunate to get given my first car as a present, it was my aunts old car and worth £300, I paid the extortionate insurance myself. I lived in a city but took up a job with accommodation in literally the middle of nowhere 3hrs from home, the nearest shop was a 15min drive down country roads doing 50mph and neither the supermarkets or takeaways would deliver to us. A couple of my colleagues/house mates didn't drive and needed a lift to the shops, some of them simply hadn't bothered to learn and I did resent being expected to give lifts. People that live in places with good public transport don't realise how isolated truly rural places are. I missed out on a couple of jobs before I passed, some industries expect a driving licence and it's a useful thing to have in the bag even if you don't currently have a car. My nan never learnt to drive but then my grandad never learnt to swim, both what I would deem essential life skills and ones best learnt young, my dad was the first in his year to pass and my mum passed at 18 so it's not a new thing learning as soon as you're old enough.

The expectation that you'll pay everything is wrong and it doesn't matter whether that's what everyone else is doing but parents who choose to help their child with the costs if they can afford it shouldn't be looked down upon either.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/03/2019 12:02

I pay for dds phone contract.

I got her driving lessons for her 17th birthday and she passed a year later.
(Her difficulty was passing the theory. When she took it at our local test centre there were near riots every time as there were people failing for the 11th or 12th time. Changed test centres and she passed with near perfect scores).

Atm she is driving a leased car.

For us it doesn’t cost a great deal per month but I know it is has a good safety rating and is unlikely to breakdown being new and for that it buys a bit of piece of mind.
Given her transport costs and the need for me to run her to the station early in the morning or pick her up late at night it has been worth it for the extra expense. (She was spending £40-£50 per week on travel)

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/03/2019 12:04

Should have said I was spending £40-£50 per week on train and tube fares.

Yabbers · 08/03/2019 12:15

I won't be contacting my children at university, this I have learned on mumsnet. Once they are 18 they are on their own.

😂

needthisthread · 08/03/2019 12:39

I won't be contacting my children at university, this I have learned on mumsnet. Once they are 18 they are on their own

I stopped talking to mine when they were 12 and 'more than able' to do their own washing, cooking etc Grin

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 08/03/2019 12:48

I won't be contacting my children at university, this I have learned on mumsnet. Once they are 18 they are on their own

Ah, bless you, you've forgotten they'll be back in touch for free childcare. That's if DIL will allow contact. Grin

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