To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

[Dairyqueen2]

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

We can't afford to buy them a car. Certainly not the norm round here, rural but not wealthy. A block of lessons at the most. Most don't pass or drive until they're in their early 20s.

You live rurally and have other children? 100% pay for lessons and get him insured on one of your cars. How handy to send him out to pick his brother/sister up!

We paid for a week long intensive course just after DS was 17 and insured him to drive my car. This saw him through 6th form and uni (he was in London so didn't need use of a car term time). I also work away from home and travel by train in the week so it's worked well for us.

No driving lessons or car - we don't even have a car ourselves. My DC aren't interested and can't see the point - we have plentiful public transport. We do pay for their mobile phone contract at university, though.

Rural area, poor public transport. The quicker DS learns to drive the better for everyone (less ferrying around from us, easier for him to get to school/holiday jobs/see mates).

Lessons are very expensive & DS could never afford them himself. We gave a block of 10 lessons as a joint birthday/Christmas present, but will probably fund extra ones to get him through the test.

He will be able to use his older brother's car as he does not take it to uni in term time (clapped out old banger, used to be mine, we do pay insurance costs though but this will soon come down to affordable level for him).

None of this is taken for granted.

I think driving is a very important life skill and makes a big difference to your job prospects. Learning at 17 or 18 is the easiest time to learn both because of time, money and confidence. Lessons and insurance never get cheaper.

Obviously you can only afford what you can afford but I think it makes sense to help with lessons. Not necessarily pay for them all unconditionally but to pay half or buy a block of lessons. If money is tight just do it instead of Christmas and birthday presents. They can get a job to fund the rest.

Absolutely no need to buy a car though.

When I was a teenager my 6th form wasn't great to get to by public transport so most people learned to drive asap and over half had access to a car by the end, but few had cars gifted to them. Many bought them with part time/summer job wages, others shared with a family member. Nearly all were old bangers, the nicest were bought by students themselves who had better jobs than others. A couple had classics that they had done up themselves learning skills as they did so.

Personally I shared with a parent then when they upgraded they let me keep the very old and uncool car on condition I taxed, insured and MoTd it. I had enough saved to do this as I was saving to buy a car. This was cheaper for my parents than me being insured on the other family car and was also conditional on me helping with various family running around. My parents absolutely made the most of having a lift rather than giving lifts and I also ran my sibling about.

Another benefit of DS learning to drive is giving us lifts to/from events where we may want to drink alcohol!

Driving lessons while young is good as they are still in the, er..learning mode. However, if you can't afford, it you can't so your DS need to back off.

My DS is 17, we’re paying for his lessons and will buy him a car. We also live rurally with a sparse bus service. It’s pretty much the norm here.

My kids are little so not a concern yet, but my mum paid for my driving lessons at 17 and it was so so helpful. I would want to do the same when mine get old enough, if we could afford it. I wouldn't be buying a car, but I think being able to drive is so useful and it's good to get it done before things like uni get in the way if possible. Dh is 37 now, had lessons when younger but never passed his test, and he's very anxious about driving now. Has had lessons since but not passed his test yet and it's something that keeps getting put off. It frustrates me that I'm the only one responsible for all the driving (especially now family live very far away). Obviously not everyone's situation is the same, but that's ours and I'd want to help my kids avoid having to learn later on in life if they can get it done when they're 17

Most don't pass or drive until they're in their early 20s.

Do you have a link to back this information up?

When I was 17 (and I'm 45 now) my parents paid for me to have my first driving lesson on my birthday. I paid for every other lesson. My first car cost £900 and I had to have one to be able to get to work as we lived rurally. My nan had been putting money away since I was born so £300 came from her. My parents paid the other £600 but I had to pay them back out of my salary over the first year. They did however pay for the insurance outright so I could start building a no claims bonus.

They never even let me drive their car or give me a lesson in their car.

I'm amazed when I see what teenagers get these days. But a lot of it is a continuation of the entitlement gene that seems to be so prevalent now.

There is a difference between him gett7ng lessons to learn to drive and him getting a car.
He can learn how to drive, be on the insurance of your car so he carries on learning and getting used to driving properly. And THEN when he has the money/realiy need a car, he will be able to have a cheaper insurance too. And he will be able to apply for jobs that ask for a driving licence.
It might also come handy if it avoids you being a taxi all the time.

FWIW whee I am it is quite normal for teenagers learn to drive and get a car around 17~18yo. You can see it on the number of cars from 6formers (who often have a nicer car than I have!)

YANBU.

You cannot afford to buy your DS a car and he is unreasonable to expect you to pay for lessons and buy him a car at 17 just because this is what friends' parents have done.

He needs to appreciate that there are financial differences and that they do not define you. He is as good as any friends that have financially better off parents.

It does sound coincidental that 3/5 have been provided with cars at 17. Definitely not the norm.

You are doing great him a massive favour by ensuring he knows that he will have to work hard in life to pay for what he wants.

Don't give in on this otherwise where will his sense of entitlement end?

^ Most don't pass or drive until they're in their early 20s.^
^
Do you have a link to back this information up?^

www.journalism.co.uk/press-releases/average-age-to-start-driving-now-26-as-younger-adults-put-off-learning-and-car-buying-/s66/a657725/

This is the most recent I could find; it suggests that for most it's now somewhat older than 'early 20s'.

When I was a teenager 15/16 - my dm said that whatever money I could save she would match for a car when I was 17. We were very rural and an assumption that I would learn to drive. I saved birthday/Christmas and babysitting/Saturday job money. She did match it for my 17th birthday.

It's my intention to do the same. I will do what I can to get my two ds driving. I would prioritise/economise in other areas. I agree it opens up work opportunities. For me, it is a similar life skill as swimming. We are still rural so for them to get a job they will need to be able to drive. There is no public transport.

Have not RTFT... We paid for 10 driving lessons when DS turned 17, as his birthday present. Then we were persuaded by the engineers at work to give him a car as his 18th birthday present at the same time. DMIL chipped in a handsome wedge too so he became the proud owner of an elderly Corsa. Black box insurance with curfews, and a very rural area made insurance only eye-wateringly expensive.

Fast-forward three years, and the investment has enabled him to consider a wider range of work opportunities in remote locations and do unsocial hours which would have been impossible if he were dependent on public transport (there isn't any). This year, the insurance will be only a little higher than mine with three years NCD.

So, yes, it was painful but we are glad we could do it. Mum and Dad's Taxis are redundant!

I don't think yabu OP, we all do what we can afford to for our kids.

As others have said, I would also say that the lessons are much more important than a car.

I bought a block of lessons for my son's birthday. After that he was on his own, partly because that's all I can afford and partly because where's the incentive and drive (excuse pun) for kids if you're going to hand everything to them on a (L) plate?

We bought 10 lessons for DS for his 17th birthday and a further 10 for Christmas. Once he had been to a few lessons he was added to DH's insurance so he could practice between lessons and once he passed his test he remained on the insurance but the car was only available evenings and weekends. We had the old "everyone's getting a car for their 17th birthday" sob story too and although some in his 6th form did, it wasn't the norm. We did end up buying a car for him to use when he was 19 (long story) but he's away at Uni now so it sits on our driveway unused for much of the year - with us paying for the tax/insurance/maintenance! He doesn't need it for Uni - he can get there on the train almost as fast as he could drive there and he's in a city and within walking distance of Uni. The cost of insurance if he took the car would be much higher as we live in one of the cheapest insurance areas - unlike where he lives now.

I would definitely buy driving lessons if I could afford it. Much easier to learn when you’re 17 with time and confidence at a peak.

I’m in late 40s and remember most friends at school getting lessons for their 17th, some also got bought cars (bangers mostly).

Not having driving lessons is probably in the top 3 disadvantages I noticed growning up very poor in a single parent family. The other 2 would be general lack of aspiration and pressure to leave education and get a job and not having a father.

Yes I found not having driving lessons really set me apart when I was 17. My dad insisted I didn't need them and that he would pick me up wherever and whenever I wanted, which he did. I'm not sure if they thought they were being helpful but it made me feel trapped and disadvantaged.

I had driving lessons but never a car and my parents were ok for money in those days.

Obviously yanbu to buy neither as it's not a right.

However if parents can afford it I think lessons are a good idea while they are young. But a car is a luxury! I didn't own a car til 29 and even then it was a hand me down and shared!

The link says 44% over 25 and 56% under. So it doesn't really confirm that people are not driving until later at all. It says there has been a shift in balance, but the claim that 'most' don't drive until later isn't substantiated.

If your DS thinks yabu for not buying him a car when he passes, too bad. The main thing is gaining the skill. Lessons cost so much, and car insurance won't be cheap when he gets his licence.
Our two learned in sixth form, (not S of England) and we insured them for my car. When the eldest went to university there was strong discouragement of bringing a car on campus.