To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

[Dairyqueen2]

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

We also pay for DS's phone contract at Uni. It costs £10 a month & we've been doing it for years as a family bundle, and it's just part of the package as parents we are expected to contribute to DS's Uni funds.

He is responsible for buying his own phone though, and the insurance.

needthisthread

Well - I can’t interfere in other people’s decisions, so it’s just my view for my kids. Overall I’d just not be comfortable making a 17 year old responsible for an expensive piece of kit that needs 100% responsibility to own. Each to their own.

DNiece was 17 a few days ago. She is paying for her own driving lessons, and her parents are going to pay half the cost of a car and insurance for her when she passes her test. She's saving like mad and already has over £3k (she has a well-paid p/t job). So far, so reasonable.

But her overprotective dad wants her to have something ultra-safe and reliable, so they're going to spend £10k on an Audi A1.

I've never spent more than a quarter of that on a car!

My Mother bought dd a car for her 17th birthday I paid for half her lessons and she paid the rest, as we live very rurally and the nearest city is 45mins drive it was a good idea for her to learn to drive so she was more independent and no longer reliant on me to take her everywhere

We bought the car. We pay for most of the maintenance. There is (just) enough in the family pot to make this the commonsense option. It's a 15 year old Corsa, not a Bentley. DC is v sensible. We have no useful public transport. He can earn . Not all families can do it, but it makes sense to us.

I think if you can afford it but chose not to, it’s rather mean sprited, besides they plague you for lifts at all hours, I’m told.
Driving licences, lessons, 5 driving tests , 2 cheap little run around cars, 1 insurance, they pay half each for their insurance and maintenance.
Only because we can and it would not sit right with us to not see them on their way.
No money, no chance, I’d not get hung about it.

When DD was at uni, several of her friends there (19-20 y.o.) had mommy and daddy paying for the phone contract! WTAF?!

So you really don't understand how student loans work do you?? Parents are means tested and their DC get a loan in line with their parents income. The government assumes the parents will provide financial support such as paying for phones/rent/travel. If they don't, the students end up dropping out, working too many hours to be able to study, or doing something dodgy like sex for rent.

OP - I didn't pay for either of my DC to have driving lessons or a car because neither was remotely interested in driving. They are both very environmentally aware, and have both moved to London for uni/work. However, if I lived in a rural area, I would probably have factored that into my budget somehow unless it was entirely impossible. Unless you have good public transport, how are they supposed to get about/meet friends/work?

I my circles parents usually pay for driving lessons. But I don't know anybody who got their own car given by the parents.

Not unreasonable. I started lessons when I was 22 and I could afford them myself. I pay for my car myself, on lease.

My parents did however pay my insurance in full (a few hundred pound cheaper) and I paid them back monthly.

But her overprotective dad wants her to have something ultra-safe and reliable, so they're going to spend £10k on an Audi A1

Perfectly sensible father.

When DD was at uni, several of her friends there (19-20 y.o.) had mommy and daddy paying for the phone contract! WTAF?!

Hilarious! The student maintenance loan my son gets doesn't even cover his rent in halls. And we are not high earners. His part time job covers the rest of his rent and we are expected to pay for food/living expenses or vice versa. Either way we foot the bill for over a third of his costs. As do all other parents in our mid pay bracket.

It doesn't matter what you do or don't pay for your children, regardless of age and circumstances, as long as you as a family are all happy with it.

I think you should get him lessons, unless you are planning on doing a lot of driving instructing with him and you/DP feel very confident.

The car is a bit much. My parents generously gave me £500 towards a car, the rest and insurance was from my savings.

I didn't learn or get a car until well into my 20s because I simply couldn't afford it. Now it seems to be the norm that parents pay for this. I'd have been mortified if my mum had bought me one, I'd have felt like I was being childish. It was very much a point of pride that I mostly supported myself once out of school.

If we live rurally still by the time they are 17 we will contribute car/lessons. We grew up very rurally and I'd have hated not having a car, we live rurally now but will likely move when we are at the high school age so they aren't so cut off, in which case I may not contribute so much. My DH had to fund himself, my mum paid for me which I'm hugely grateful for. Of course it enabled me to have a job, without a car I couldn't have worked. A good number of us had cars in my school due to our rural nature.

I pay for dds car and will pay for ds’s car when the time comes because I want a say in what they drive.
I was in a bad accident when I was younger and the only reason I am alive today is because of the car I was driving.

“Fuck that! No-one I KNOW has bought their 17 y.o. a bunch of driving lessons and a bloody car! That's bullshit. Unless someone is proper loaded, there's no way they would do this”
Bit judgemental, my parents aren’t loaded but because I lived in the middle of nowhere and my parents friend is a driving instructor they paid for me and my other siblings to have lessons and brought us a cheap first car - everyone I grew up with had the same circumstances too. My parents also told me they’d only be paying for a certain amount of lessons so also taught me in their own time, if I failed, I had to pay for the resits.

Sixth formers these days all seem to be driving brand new Beetles, Minis, VW's etc! Sixth formers have nicer cars than me, an employee at the school

Actually with lease deals now it is probably just as cheap to lease a brand new car than buy an old banger that is falling to bits, keeps breaking down and costs as much in repairs, running costs and mots as the cheap car you are driving around in.

I pay £180 per month for a brand new car for dd.
A mini/VW etc would have been cheaper still.