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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

268 replies

Dairyqueen2 · 06/03/2019 23:12

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

OP posts:
JellySlice · 07/03/2019 00:15

We are paying for ds's driving lessons. If he pass first time, great.. If he has to retake anything he will cover further costs himself. We looked into adding him to our insurance, but it was astronomical, so has not and will not happen. We certainly won't be buying him a car.

Yes, some of his peers have cars or access to cars.

BackforGood · 07/03/2019 00:15

Thing is Dairyqueen2 there will always be folk who have more than you and always be folk who have less than you. No-one is doubting that these 3 lads have been given cars, but, that probably leaves 197 young people in the 6th form who haven't. I think that is the point.

Tonsilss · 07/03/2019 00:17

Running a car is so expensive - especially as young people have to pay a lot for insurance. I also think that it's a good thing to have a few years of managing with public transport - as some people have to do for life. Young people at university don't really need a car, in fact lots of universities actively discourage it, and many then get a job in a big city, where they may not need a car either.
And it's something they should budget for themselves, I think.
The most I intend to do is pay for 5 or 10 driving lessons, but only if DD is prepared to match that out of her own earnings. And to allow her to practise in my car (possibly).

MidniteScribbler · 07/03/2019 00:18

DS will get a scooter at 15 (kids here can get one at that age). There's no public transport here, so I'll be fed up with driving him around by then. He can upgrade it to a car when he gets his full licence if he wants to. No driving lessons here, parents just teach their kids.

ilovesooty · 07/03/2019 00:19

I doubt very much that most people can afford to.

needthisthread · 07/03/2019 00:23

Lots of DD’s year group have been bought cars. They range from shitty 15 year old Corsa’s to brand new WV Golf!

We are not in a position to buy the teens a car but I am paying for their driving lessons. Driving is a life skill. It wasn’t a big deal when I was a teen or even in my 20’s and part of my 30’s but nowadays a driving license is a condition of so many job applications. Even if it’s a job you will never drive in there is often a must have a full uk license note.

Stefoscope · 07/03/2019 00:23

YANBU, buying lessons and funding a car and the necessities at 17 is a big expense, especially if he has no income of his own. Having said that I was very late to learn (30s) and it's definitely more daunting the older you get. My parents actively discouraged me from learning (which I don't recomend)! Money towards a few lessons/ to put towards a car, or even offering to add them to your insurance, in a few years time when he's earning may be a good compromise.

needthisthread · 07/03/2019 00:24

Young people at university don't really need a car

What a ridiculous thing to say, plenty of people drive to university every day.

jocktamsonsbairn · 07/03/2019 00:34

I gave my DS a block of 10 driving lessons and the insurance to drive my car while learning for his birthday. Am a single mum so absolutely no way can I afford to buy him a car, and not would I want to.
He needs to get a job and save up for that! Unfortunately lots round here seem to get a car with personalised plates for their 18th and it's not a particularly well off area. God knows how they do it!

EcclesThePeacock · 07/03/2019 00:35

The majority of uni students don't drive when they're there - nowhere for them to park at most of them, for one thing.

We paid for DDs driving lessons, and if one of our cars is in suitable condition when she finishes uni we might give it her.

CailleachBheurh · 07/03/2019 00:36

I'm 18 and most of the people I know around my age have at least had some help from their parents to pay for driving lessons.

I only know 2 people who's parents have given them cars - one as a bribe from his mum so he wouldn't buy himself a motorbike and the other has an ancient hand me down on the condition that he drops his sibling off at school in the mornings.

I also knew a few people who's parents have given the deposit for a car on finance/pcp but they have to pay the monthly payments and running costs themselves.

I don't know anyone who's got a car for their 17th. They all had to wait til they'd passed their test.

hiccupgate · 07/03/2019 00:37

Parents bought the lessons and paid for my insurance on the old family car (15 years ago now). I have four cousins and I believe they all got a block of lessons then all paid for their own cars and insurance.

Tonsilss · 07/03/2019 00:38

I'm not saying no-one drives to university. But many students live at or near their university, and can rely on walking or public transport. Universities tend to be very short of parking, and some don't allow students to park on campus unless they have a disability. Driving is certainly discouraged. Local communities aren't keen on masses of student cars either.

needthisthread · 07/03/2019 00:38

The majority of uni students don't drive when they're there

Lots of them drive to get there every day though.

needthisthread · 07/03/2019 00:42

I'm not saying no-one drives to university.

I know. You said they don’t really need a car. I live on the outskirts of a university city where if you don’t drive you don’t get to the city. So they do really need a car to get to university. Loads of DD’s friends have to drive to uni. I take her because I drive past it on the way to work.

Tonsilss · 07/03/2019 00:43

Not at the university I'm very familiar with they don't, no. There is literally no student parking on campus other than for disabled students (who have to register). There is no local free on-road parking either, and parking fees anywhere nearby are pretty high. Students do actually walk to campus (and first years live on campus anyway). There are also buses that drop off at the university campus.

needthisthread · 07/03/2019 00:45

But there is more than one university in the UK.

Justaboy · 07/03/2019 00:52

I think that 17 is a bit on the young side to start driving around the 20 mark is better they are a tad more sensible and grown up by that age;!.

All my three offspring were around 22 ish

pizzabadger · 07/03/2019 00:52

All of the 6 fairly local uni and colleges here have massive car parks and I would say a majority of the students drive to them.

The same can be said for the uni and both the colleges near my hometown.

Out of curiosity do you live in the south of england, tonsilss?

fargo123 · 07/03/2019 00:55

They all passed after about 3 months of lessons!
That is a perfectly normal time frame in many parts of the world. It's only on MN (the UK?) that driving is seen as such a 'thing', and people take 5 years to learn or don't even bother at all.

Where I live, the conditions have changed in recent years so that new drivers (minimum age 16) must have 100 supervised driving hours under their belt before graduating to Provisional (unsupervised) open licence (minimum age 17), but prior to that, three months was about the average it took to learn.

It's easy to tell when senior school has ended for the year here as all the cars with P (provisional plate) disappear from being parked outside the schools all day.

Learning to drive doesn't mean you have to run out and buy a car immediately either FGS. It's simply arming a person with a life skill that they can use when the situation arises.

needthisthread · 07/03/2019 00:57

I think that 17 is a bit on the young side to start driving around the 20 mark is better they are a tad more sensible and grown up by that age;!

I hope you don’t say this to your DC when they are/were at that stage, way to try and hold them back and crush their confidence!

A dick driver is a dick driver. They come in all ages. Holding them back until they are 20 won’t stop a dick being a dick.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 07/03/2019 00:58

DH and I paid for DS to have driving lessons and then bought him a decent car when he passed his test. However, the car was his inheritance from DH, who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and wanted DS to be able to drive me about (I can't drive for medical reasons). DH agreed to pay for the first year's insurance with DS having to pay for it from next year. It was good foresight, as DH passed away recently and DS has had to do a lot of ferrying about.

We couldn't afford to do similar for DSS when he turned 17, but that was 15 years ago and our circumstances were completely different.

Justaboy · 07/03/2019 00:59

needthisthread their attiudes change over that sort of time scale.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/03/2019 01:00

Probably a 50/50 split here. DD is at Uni and she knows only one girl her age with a car, the rest of the drivers are mature students (a high proportion of her course).

DD2 has mentioned that as the eldest in her year she has already had comments about "when" she can drive her and her mates about. She is a sensible kid and knows that it is a financial impossibilty so tells them that she doesnt want to learn. Breaks my heart tbh as I would love to pay for her lessons and car and all but I cant.

Tonsilss · 07/03/2019 01:00

Why do students need to live beyond reach of public transport to their university? Just wondering. Are they living at home with their parents in inaccessible places?
When I was at uni in the dark ages, nobody drove. Really almost nobody at all. There was no student parking there either. I don't think that's changed.

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