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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not automatically buy my 17-yr-old driving lessons and a car?

268 replies

Dairyqueen2 · 06/03/2019 23:12

... because he seems to think I am! Tbh, an awful lot of his friends seem to have automatically 'qualified' for a car as soon as they hit 17. Have times changed?? When I was in 6th form there were maybe 2 or 3 kids who came by car, but now I feel like it's almost the norm. We can't afford to run a third car, btw, so it's a non- starter anyway! We do live in a rural area, but not a particularly wealthy one ...

OP posts:

adaline · 07/03/2019 06:50

Paying for driving lessons is pretty normal I think. I was 17 in 2006 and one of about five in my year whose parents didn't pay for driving lessons! I remember really resenting my dad for even refusing to help me pay for them because literally everyone else got help and I felt really left out.

I eventually passed my test at 28 because I couldn't afford to pay for lessons until then - they cost me £24 for two hours, plus insurance on DH's car, plus the cost of my own car (which I needed to get around after I passed) - I think I spent about 5k all-in! Driving isn't cheap but it is a necessity for huge amounts of people - I do think parents should help if possible, especially it they've chosen to raise their children rurally where public transport is limited or non-existent as it is here!

Muddysnowdrop · 07/03/2019 06:54

We drove like idiots at 17/18.

feelingverylazytoday · 07/03/2019 06:55

My eldest son was in full time work when he was 17, so he paid for his own. My youngest was in full time education so we helped to pay for his lessons. No way could we afford to buy a car.
He hasn't driven since his test, 4 years ago, but he has his license if he needs to drive for any reason. He will just take a few refresher lessons.

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 07/03/2019 07:00

I had to pay for my own driving lessons and when I passed my test I borrowed Dad's car. Dad paid for the insurance.
I am from a working class background. Other people I went to school and college, worked with etc. had more money and their parents bought them lessons and cars and insurance.
It's the class divide. It's the money divide. It's not even a divide really it's just the way life is surely?

SerenDippitty · 07/03/2019 07:04

Universities tend to be very short of parking, and some don't allow students to park on campus unless they have a disability.

And what parking there is is for the benefit of staff not students, and the staff have to pay for it.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 07/03/2019 07:05

We paid for the driving lessons for both DC as we were fortunate to be able to afford it. BUT that was only so they had their pink licences before they went away to uni as it would have been difficult to manage once gone and they would have been 21 once graduated. As it happens it took DD three times to pass and she had to take her last test in the Christmas holiday and still come home every weekend for a lesson.

No way were they getting cars though, the insurance alone would have been 3k for DS.

Just tell him now so he gets used to the idea. The vast majority of DDs friends weren’t as fortunate as her. the vast majority of DSs friends also had paid lessons......but no car!

wasgoingmadinthecountry · 07/03/2019 07:07

We bought a car all our eldest three could learn in and use and paid for lessons. Hardly any public transport, school 10 miles away and £700 in bus fare each in 6th form - for a but that took an hour, was a mile and a half from the house and only goes/comes every 2 hours until the last bus as 6.

Children appreciated it. We chose to live here (v bad choice for me) so it's up to us to make their lives doable.

Pk37 · 07/03/2019 07:10

My ds got a block of lessons and we paid for his provisional but this was part of his birthday present and he’d have to pay for any extra lessons himself (he had a part time job)
He was fine at first but started getting ratty that his friends had cars etc.. but we told him driving was a privilege,not a right and if he wants to drive he can pay for it .
Neither dh nor I had our lessons or car paid for

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/03/2019 07:11

When I was 17 it was the norm at my school to get a new car with a personalised plate.

My cousins kids went to my old school and it’s still the done thing now.

My cousins wife was 😮 when she found out.

ashvivienne · 07/03/2019 07:11

Paid for both DDs (18 and 21) driving lessons bought DD1 her first car and now her second and DD2 bought her own (she had money set aside by us for a car but has added to it for a mortgage deposit in the future) I pay DD2s insurance also. When DS is 17 at the end of the year he’ll get the same and he wants a car for his birthday so he’s started looking. For us this is financially fine and we have the ability to do so also for us driving is a life skill and a necessity in most walks of life.

Ragwort · 07/03/2019 07:11

We did pay for our DS’s driving lessons as a very generous 17th birthday presents, however we didn’t buy him a car. But he genuinely is the only one in his group of 17/18 friends to not have his ‘own’ car (he can share mine). I am really surprised that so many teenagers have their own car, no doubt some of them saved up for an old banger but quite a few have clearly been given a very nice car. And we do not live in an affluent part of the country.

Siriismyonlyfriend · 07/03/2019 07:12

We didn’t have much growing up but one thing I remembered and am still grateful for is my df paying for my driving lessons and I’ll do the same for my dc

Shamoogren · 07/03/2019 07:14

An absolute priority for us.

Only way kids can get to work / college independently.

Rubberduckies · 07/03/2019 07:15

I had friends whose parents bought them a car and lessons, but for the majority, parents just booked say the first block of lessons or have some money towards saving for a car.

I was unusual because my dad had been a driving instructor. My birthday present was him teaching me to drive (but only over the summer holidays so there was a time limit!) For that we needed a car for me to learn in as my parents cars were very big!

They found me an old banger and presented it to me on my birthday so I could start lessons, but I had to pay them back for the car, buy insurance and tax, pay for the tests etc. They just loaned me the money essentially.

I'm not sure it does teenagers any favours to pay for everything for them. Because I was having to pay for insurance for both me and Dad, and because I had the car but couldn't use it alone, and I knew the lessons would be stopping by September, I was motivated to work hard and get the tests passed asap. I think I passed about 7 weeks after my 17th birthday.

JuniorAsparagus · 07/03/2019 07:18

Ours all had driving lessons as their 18th birthday present. We did not buy them cars. Youngest is 24 now.

sighrollseyes · 07/03/2019 07:18

Job - but his own....

I had a job in co-op from week after my 16th bday saved up for a car and uni fees.

Fazackerley · 07/03/2019 07:19

Well you'd hate me! I bought dd driving lessons for her 17th birthday and when she passed a year or so later I bought her a car for no other reason than she'd passed.

It's been a lifeline as we are very rural and I work, so she drives ds to school and picks other dcs up everyday. Cheaper than a nanny. I also pay her phone contract and go halves on petrol.

Oblomov19 · 07/03/2019 07:19

Seems to be the norm round here. Too much money clearly!!

twattymctwatterson · 07/03/2019 07:19

I work in banking which includes car insurance. I wouldn't even recommend DD takes lessons at 17 for a few years because the cost of insuring a teenager is absolutely prohibitive

sighrollseyes · 07/03/2019 07:20

Job - buy his own...

I had a job at co-op a week after my 16th bday and saved up for a car and my uni fees. Worked and studied GCSEs and A levels. No student debt.

Hippywannabe · 07/03/2019 07:22

We paid for provisiinal licenses and insured each DS for one month on my car and DH took them out every night. He started with them in empty car parks and driving on the roads around an industrial estate. By the end of the month they were all driving around our very small town/large village. At that point, we then paid for a block of 10 lessons. After that, they had to fund themselves.

evaperonspoodle · 07/03/2019 07:22

My dd was the eldest in her school year and as a birthday present I bought her her first ten lessons which I thought was a great start. Lessons are £30 per hour where we are. A few others turned 17 and were bought brand new cars (one of them a vintage classic) even though they didn't even have their provisional yet. I felt really bad and then paid for all of the lessons. No car for her as very few insurers will cover 17 year olds and the cheapest cover for our 15 year old family car was £4k. When she is 18 the options will be better and we'll look into again. I got a car for my 17th (as did quite a few of my classmates) so it isn't unusual for me.

pumpkinpie01 · 07/03/2019 07:23

My DD turned 17 last summer and luckily has shown no interest in learning to drive as there is no way we could afford a car and ours is too big for her to drive plus insurance costs would be stupid . All her friends got a car when they turned 17 some had saved some were gifted one she knows that’s not an option for her thank goodness.

Fazackerley · 07/03/2019 07:24

I didn't learn until I was 30 and it was hellish. I'm all for them learning asap.

Cravingseaside · 07/03/2019 07:26

I learnt at age 25. My parents might have helped me out if I did them when I was younger but I was too nervous, I didn't have much confidence back then.

My DS is a teen, if he has a part time job I will pay half for his lessons. I wouldn't mind paying for them altogether but cannot afford it.

I will probably insure him on my car (it is old so won't matter if it gets a few little bumps and scratches).

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