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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think you don't leave ten year old home alone for three hours ????

211 replies

HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:00

My neighbour works 23 miles away. We live rurally. Last year she left her then 9 year old locked out. Hed had forgotten his house key. I rang her husband. I was a bit worried at the time but put it down to a mistake. It happened again this afternoon. Would you think it unreasonable to report concerns to Children's services?

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocLit · 06/03/2019 13:02

I don't mind the nasty comments. Only thing that bothers me is his welfare. Mumsnet seems a bitchfest...

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocLit · 06/03/2019 13:02

P was he mature and together? This lad isn't

OP posts:
YogaWannabe · 06/03/2019 13:04

Jesus Christ just offer to hold onto a spare key ffs!

Calling child services 🤦🏼‍♀️ A few of my friends are social workers and believe me they have far worse to contend with than some unhelpful busy body.

Mookatron · 06/03/2019 13:05

I think it depends what day you post what answer you get on mumsnet. I've been told I was irresponsible for letting my 8 year old go to the corner shop alone before and yet today leaving a kid alone for three hours every day is OK.

Obviously it depends on the kid/area all sorts of stuff but I don't think it's appropriate at 10 and if you think this kid needs help you should step in, OP. Maybe you would be a busybody but if it improves this kid's safety who cares.

YogaWannabe · 06/03/2019 13:05

I did chuckle at the LIMESTONE step though Grin

rookiemere · 06/03/2019 13:15

DS is 12 and loses his key frequently. I get round it by having keys at various neighbours.

I think the situation is less than ideal - DS was on his own for a couple of afternoons a week for 2 hours max when I started new job- but it's not a Social services matter.

Offer to have a spare key and invite the lad in if he ever comes round and tell him he's always welcome if you want to help

minionsrule · 06/03/2019 13:19

But op he isn't in dangerous conditions..... cold/wet unless he forgets his key which is not an expected event.
If i forgot my key i would gave to stand in rain till dh gets home, just because I am 50 doesn't mean its more bearable for me than a 10 yr old Grin.
So have you made a decision then on what you are going to do?

Damntheman · 06/03/2019 13:20

OP shouldn't have to take in a spare key for these people, they should have a code lock or a security box with a spare key in it for the boy. Kids forget their keys, it's what they do!

But OP, 10 is totally fine to be home alone for some hours before parents come home. Here it is perfectly normal for 9/10 year olds to walk home after school and let themselves in until mum/dad gets home from work.

PCohle · 06/03/2019 13:22

Well of course the OP isn't obliged to, but given she's sooooo concerned about the welfare of the child that she's thinking of contacting social services you think she'd be willing to do something herself to help. Given it would be absolutely no inconvenience to her whatsoever.

Abra1de · 06/03/2019 13:22

It’s not illegal to leave a ten-year old alone.

howwillwedeal · 06/03/2019 13:26

I don't mind the nasty comments. Only thing that bothers me is his welfare. Mumsnet seems a bitchfest...

Does the fact that you don't like the mother mean you are over reacting? Your initial post says the mother leaves him at home, but then it transpires that the father is around. On that basis swirly it's not all down to the mother?

Springisallaround · 06/03/2019 13:30

I don't think this is a social services issue.

The child isn't left out every day, he's twice forgotten his key. The parents should indeed sort out a spare key for him to access.

Also- his Year 10 sister is home some of the time. It's not like he's alone 3 solid hours a day. She may be in and go out, or home after a club. You simply don't know.

Year 10 is 16 years old, and he's 10 years old. SS will not be interested in a NT 10 year old letting themselves into the house, sometimes with a 16 year old sister around.

The little boy may not like it, my dd didn't at that age, she preferred someone to be home but occasionally it wasn't possible. There's a big difference though between him not liking it and it being a matter for social service intervention when they are absolutely overwhelmed with severe abuse cases.

Aridane · 06/03/2019 13:33

Call SS if it makes you feel better

thedisorganisedmum · 06/03/2019 13:39

Butterymuffin

it's a completely ridiculous question, hence the answers to ridiculous OP.
If she is that concerned for a boy forgetting his key twice in a year, she should offer to keep a spare.

"no one will starve in 3 hours" indeed, which is why is perfectly reasonable amount of time to leave a 10 year old alone.

"He has no friend" how on earth does she know? Is she following him at school and every weekend? If a neighbour can be that informed about someone's private life, the kid obviously doesn't live in a such a deserted area.

Most of us have left kids younger than that on their own for various period of time, are you seriously considering calling SS on each of us? When are we allowed to cut the cord then? When they start uni?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 06/03/2019 13:40

How long is this 'hours on end' malarky ?

10 is perfectly reasonable to be left alone for a few hours.

SS will not give two hoots about this.

LemonTT · 06/03/2019 13:40

Well the parents assume the 16 year old comes home at roughly the same time. As you are so isolated she can’t be too far way or even have anyone to play with. If this isn happening let them know.

Take in a key and suggest they have an alternate backstop for a spare key.

But you seem to have decided to report this. If so perhaps try to not muddle up the frequency of events and narrative.

The story is the parents leave him in the charge of his 16 year old sister each day after school. On occasion his sister is not there. Twice in the past year he has forgotten his key and you have taken him in.

SoThisHappened · 06/03/2019 13:44

So, it's been asked many times and you've failed to answer it once.

ARE YOU GOING TO OFFER TO HOLD A KEY FOR THEM IN CASE IT HAPPENS AGAIN?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/03/2019 13:45

OMG mind your business!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you realise the actual forms of neglect social services deal with- or you think the child should be taken away because he has some hours at home after school and once in a year forgot his key!

thedisorganisedmum · 06/03/2019 13:46

no, the OP is not going to offer to keep a key because she "doesn't want to commit".

user1473878824 · 06/03/2019 13:46

It's an offence to leave a child alone if they are at risk of harm. In 2c weather and heavy rain, I would argue as he's no shelter that he's at risk of harm.
This has happened twice. In two years. Not every day.

I'm not taking their key because they're indifference worries me. What if I held their spare and I'm elsewhere if I could commit consistently I would.
Amazing. So you'd rather every time he got himself locked out (will that be 2020?) you'd rather he sat on a limestone step just in case you are out?

How do you even know this much about your neighbours and their daughter's movements?

thedisorganisedmum · 06/03/2019 13:47

I worked 12 hour shifts and still picked up my child. No free pass by virtue of working.

Grin Grin Grin

please do tell us your secret, how you managed to drop a child at 8:30am and pick them up at 5 or 6pm within this 12 hours!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 06/03/2019 13:49

YABU. He’s ten, he’s not being neglected. They should have something in place for if he forgets or loses his key.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 06/03/2019 13:50

I better tell my nearly 16 year old dd she is at risk of harm because I tell her regularly to leave her key in her bag rather than decorating her bookshelf with it and she often forgets and phones me to tell me she’s locked out Hmm
I never left mine at 10 for that lung but that was because I didn’t need to but I can see why it’s hard if the breakfast and after school club were stopped I would be totally screwed if that happened I can’t afford to not work but ds2 is only 8. Dd could watch him but she gets out later and has other commitments. They are making the best of a bad situation and when he goes to secondary there is no childcare for that age anyway so what less than a year?

You seem to have dug yourself a hole here adamantly repeating how bad you think it is when most say it’s fine and maybe the young side of normal but still normal.

Veterinari · 06/03/2019 13:53

OP do you have children yourself?
It strikes me that you’re awfully iverinvested in your neighbours’ parenting choices and i’m Wondering what your own frame of reference is?

Mookatron · 06/03/2019 13:58

I have no idea why a woman concerned about her 10 year old neighbour has turned into such a bitch fest. Fine if you think she's overreacting, whatever. You don't have to be so personally insulting or insinuate she's nosy or judgemental.

For comparison, where I live kids are not allowed to leave scho without a parent until year 6, and the school would certainly want to say something about yr 5 child being left alone for 3 hours every day. So I think the OP is not being ridiculous.