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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think you don't leave ten year old home alone for three hours ????

211 replies

HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:00

My neighbour works 23 miles away. We live rurally. Last year she left her then 9 year old locked out. Hed had forgotten his house key. I rang her husband. I was a bit worried at the time but put it down to a mistake. It happened again this afternoon. Would you think it unreasonable to report concerns to Children's services?

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:16

But when he's sat in 2 degree weather in his own in the torrential rain? On a limestone step?

OP posts:
bonzo77 · 05/03/2019 22:16

In the title the child is 10. Then he’s 9 in the OP. And he’s now in year 10 so about 14 or 15. And is he home alone for 3 hours? Or locked out? And is the older sister there or not? So many questions....

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:16

I think they expect the girl to look after him. But it's not happening

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/03/2019 22:17

So are you going to offer to look after a spare key for them?

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:17

He is ten now. 9 when it first happened

OP posts:
BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 05/03/2019 22:17

My year seven kid was only 11 in august. And has sen.

I was freaking out enough about her walking to and from school alone but she has coped well. We have now moved nearer the school.and she walks with a friend.

She will be 12 this year, in my first secondary year i had a key and would be home alone for a few hours. Ive started leaving her home during grocery runs etc, to get her used to it. She knows what to do in an emergency.

All she needs is a fob to get her into our flat building now.

Its normal for some kids to start this process a year or two earlier. I was more protective of dd because of her sen.

I would offer to hold on to a spare for next door. They can also put in a coded box so ds doesnt need to take the key to school.

Sounds like the sister needs talking to as well, if she is meant to be helping.

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:17

His sister in Year 10. She's meant to be home with him.

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 05/03/2019 22:19

If you are concerned raise t with SS and let them decide how to proceed.

Or

If you are happy to take the lad in once or twice a week maybe that would help?

It isn’t for any poster on here to decide what social services will prioritise. They will listen to your concern and will talk to the family and school. What happens them is up to them and he family but you can be a little more reassured

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:20

Bongo she's often out doing school play or at mates.

OP posts:
janetforpresident · 05/03/2019 22:22

I think they expect the girl to look after him. But it's not happening

Then your first step is to make them aware of this. They probably have no idea how often he is alone.

I wouldn't leave a 10 yr old for that long regularly but I don't think it's neglect and certainly not if you think a 14 yr old is going to be with him most of the time.

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:23

I've an old friend who works for Cumbria CSS. I'll discuss with her. I want to be wrong

OP posts:
mayflower43 · 05/03/2019 22:23

I am a foster carer and have worked with social services for 25 plus years. I have to say unless there are other issues that you have not said, then I really don't think it is a children's services matter. If it were we'd all be reported - or is it just me that has forgotten keys or been back home later than intended? If it really is just twice, then I really wouldn't. As others have said they are totally overrun with such serious and dangerous situations, and on the face of it this really isn't one. Why not offer to help by having a spare key, or having him in for a drink and a biscuit should this ever happen again?

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:23

But every day?

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:24

It's probably not. I don't want it to be. But I just have this not quite right feeling

OP posts:
PinguDance · 05/03/2019 22:24

This was me as a kid and I was absolutely fine.

I can see it depends on the child but unless the boy is distressed or there is 'something else going on' it wouldn't occur to me to contact CS.

Also, isn't this just what living in the countryside is like? There was so much lax parenting amongst my friends compared to the townies!

Passmethecrisps · 05/03/2019 22:25

I don’t think it’s just the key though. It’s a bit of ten being unsupervised for three hours a day.

I agree that it may be worth a chat with the parents to see that they are aware that their eldest daughter isn’t fulfilling the role she is claiming to.

TSSDNCOP · 05/03/2019 22:25

Maybe, to accommodate the needs of the working parents as a family they’ve asked both kids to come home from school, each is each other’s back up for key losing situations. Clearly the kids aren’t quite toeing the line. Hardly a matter for SS.

As a neighbourly neighbour, why don’t you offer to hold an emergency key?

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:26

If he managed to get in the flipping door I'd be less worried

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 05/03/2019 22:27

He needs a back up plan for when things go wrong. But otherwise I think it's fine for a 10 year old to be home alone in his own home,after school.
You are over reacting OP.

WorraLiberty · 05/03/2019 22:27

So are you going to offer to hold a spare key or not?

TSSDNCOP · 05/03/2019 22:28

Holding a key would be lots less dramatic than opting straight for SS no?

PinguDance · 05/03/2019 22:29

I think if you are genuinely worried it is something you could address as a neighbour - I think I'd rather have a potentially awkward conversation around 'can you give me a spare key so I can let your son in if he loses his key' rather than a definitely awkward conversation about 'oh yes it was me that called social services I thought you were neglecting your son.'

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:30

I'm not keen on anything bad happen to him. Last year, he didn't want me to call his Dad and when I spoke to him I could understand why. Legally it's an offence to leave an under 10 home alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:31

His welfare is my paramount concern. Blow anyone else.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/03/2019 22:31

Legally it's an offence to leave an under 10 home alone.

Could you link to that law please?

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