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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think you don't leave ten year old home alone for three hours ????

211 replies

HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:00

My neighbour works 23 miles away. We live rurally. Last year she left her then 9 year old locked out. Hed had forgotten his house key. I rang her husband. I was a bit worried at the time but put it down to a mistake. It happened again this afternoon. Would you think it unreasonable to report concerns to Children's services?

OP posts:
Sybil606 · 05/03/2019 22:45

Think I would offer the child to come in and wait I unless was going out. Think reporting it to ''child services'' is a bit overkill!
Or talk to the parents and say to them we can keep a spare key for you or suggest it to the parents to leave a key somewhere their child knows to get it.

mayflower43 · 05/03/2019 22:48

Just to add. A while ago one of my foster children, aged 10, was supposed to go on a contact session to see her mum straight after school. She was taken there by her social worker but it was then cancelled. I was in a town nearly two hours away. When I told the social worker this when he called, he was perfectly happy to drop her at our house alone for the couple of hours it took for us to get home. And yes she was fine.

Iwrotethissongfor · 05/03/2019 22:48

I’m not sure the being left one alone for 3 hours every day at 20 years old is a SS issue but it sounds sad and lonely to me. I was regularly left alone for long periods of time due to parents’ work too when I was even older than ten (and I wasn’t a lonely lad like you say with no friends - had friends to invite round but they’d have family plans or stay for an hour or so to see their own family). I was safe and not at risk but it was still really lonely and just a bit crap to be on my own so much. It sounds quite weird but I used to look into cosy family scenes through windows or at my friends house and feel really jealous and sad. I still have a bit of a longing for that family scene now. I have fairly recently had my first child and it’s definitely my plan to arrange work flexibly (together with my husband) to make sure she’s largely got us around at all ages, even if she thinks she’d prefer us not to be!

C0untDucku1a · 05/03/2019 22:51

When i left my key at home my next door neighbour would let me sit in their living room watching tv until my parents got home. Because they were decent neighbours.

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 05/03/2019 22:51

I was a latch key kid at 10 years old as both my parents worked. I probably forgot my key way more than him and sat in the rain. I survived, I'm not scarred by it and in fact haven't given it a second thought until I saw your post!

Can't believe your first thought as a 'concerned neighbour' isn't to ask the parents if there was anything you could do to help but to report the parents, who are obviously trying their best given their circumstances, to SS - I'd say he's pretty responsible if he's only forgotten his key once last year and once this year!!

Oh and I was in foster care for a period of time when I was younger and my foster carer regularly left me sitting in the rain for hours after school because she was 'busy' and would not give me a key!

behappy123 · 05/03/2019 22:55

I don't agree with children as young as 10 being left to go home to an empty house after school for up to 3 hours. This child has lost his key twice so not really mature enough to be left alone. My fear would be that someone would ring the doorbell with the intentions of breaking in as it looks like it is an empty house with no cars there - what would the poor child do in that situation. It is selfish of the parents to do this.

TheCumbrian · 05/03/2019 22:55

So he forgot his key once/twice in two years?

And he is only at home a few hours on his own?

In rural Cumbria with nosey neighbours next door keeping an eye on him and an older sister who is there some of the days?

Not illegal and presumably the parents trust him not to start a fire?

Presume rather than making him sit outside in torrential rain and at risk of gritters you let him in for an hour or so? Gave him an extra layer to borrow?

mayflower43 · 05/03/2019 22:58

His welfare is my paramount concern. Blow anyone else

If there is no more to this than you have said here, then ask yourself is the boy's welfare better served by:

1 Suggesting his parents leave a key with you (or someone else, or hidden outside) and say that if he has any problem then he can come and see you.

  1. Calling in SS, and no matter how much others will say different, allegations, even ones like this can and do "innocent" destroy families. I know this is an unpopular view, but it is a very destressing thing to go through even if there is soon found to be no child welfare concerns.

and

  1. If there is more than you have said then of course make that call.
pastabest · 05/03/2019 22:58

behappy123 how many times have you mislaid your keys in the last 1-2 years?

thedisorganisedmum · 05/03/2019 23:01

My fear would be that someone would ring the doorbell

people can just as well ring the doorbell when you pop to a shop for 5 minutes! My kids have been told to open an upstairs window to see who is at the door, it's easier for the younger ones who can't even reach the lock anyway. We also have a video doorbell so we can see who's at the door on our phone.

I don't know what these people have organised, but I would find it more stranger if people couldn't leave their 10 year old for a few hours.

I would be more worried to leave my older ones who would be more likely to get mates around and throw a party Grin

IHateUncleJamie · 05/03/2019 23:05

This was me as a kid and I was absolutely fine.

This was also me and I wasn’t fine. My mother wouldn’t let me have a key and the amount of hours I spent sitting on the doorstep, cold, hungry and needing the loo was awful. If I was lucky, the nice neighbour was home.

OP nothing wrong with being a latch key kid but if he is often left on the doorstep that would worry me. I would offer to hold onto a spare key in the first instance but after that if it carried on I’d maybe speak to the NSPCC or someone for advice.

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 23:10

I can't fathom their behaviour. I don't think it's acceptable. I wouldn't do it. It's not rural enough to be inevitable. Ie we are too far out to seek childcare.

OP posts:
Pinkbells · 05/03/2019 23:10

It's still very young to be left alone. We've only just started leaving our 11 year old at home for around 40 mins tops, and that's if we're 10 minutes or less away. Anything more than that and he has to come with us. No way would we leave him 3 hours, or leave his little (8 year old) brother at all!!

arethereanyleftatall · 05/03/2019 23:13

My dd is 10 and year 5. She, and all her friends, are all left home alone. I've only left her for about an hour at a time, but amongst her peers, this is absolutely normal. They all walk to school and back on their own. They've walked in to town with friends, without adult. As far as we, the parents, are concerned, these are sensible small steps to take to get them ready to walk the 2 miles every day to secondary next year.
3 hours is too long for me, but certainly not a social services issue.

SaturdayNext · 05/03/2019 23:13

Id happily take him in

Not sure if I've missed something, but why didn't you?

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 05/03/2019 23:14

He doesn't need childcare for 3 hours. He's not a baby.

thedisorganisedmum · 05/03/2019 23:14

I wouldn't do it.

You don't have to HotChocLit but it doesn't mean other parents are wrong.

I am sure there are many choices you have made as a parent that others don't agree with.

sobeyondthehills · 05/03/2019 23:15

OP

having read the full thread, it seems like you are just looking for an excuse to ring SS.

People have suggested that you hold a spare key, or have a conversation with the parents about the sister not being at home, but you don't seem to consider those options

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 23:15

He was worried his dad would be cross and was visibly worried

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/03/2019 23:16

Yes because he'd lost or forgotten his key. He probably did get a telling off.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 05/03/2019 23:17

FFS overreacting much!

Original poster
HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 23:19

He's a sweet lad.

OP posts:
AWishForWingsThatWork · 05/03/2019 23:21

I agree with others, offer to keep a spare key if you're that concerned.

Loneliness for a couple of hours a day isn't a life threatening issue. If the 10 year old is otherwise responsible, the parents are within their rights to leave him at home after school for a few hours. And he does have an older sister that's supposed to be home for chunks of it by the sounds of it, so let them be.

Bananasarenottheonlyfruit · 05/03/2019 23:22

MN is an alternative universe sometimes. When I once suggested leaving a 10 year old for 30 minutes while I went for a run, I got completely shredded - the house will burn down, get burgled, aliens will land on the lawn type scenarios!

I would not have left my 10 year old for 3 hours. It does seem too long to me. He is 13 now and only just manages 3 hours.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 05/03/2019 23:23

I agree with PPs, it's not a Social Services issue. The real issue is him not having access to a spare key nor a mobile to ring his parents.

We've exchanged keys with a couple of neighbours so that if we're ever locked out, we have people to ask for a spare and vice versa. It's not just children who forget keys, it's happened to both DH and I before!

I would offer to keep a spare key for them in case he (or another family member) ever needs it.