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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think you don't leave ten year old home alone for three hours ????

211 replies

HotChocLit · 05/03/2019 22:00

My neighbour works 23 miles away. We live rurally. Last year she left her then 9 year old locked out. Hed had forgotten his house key. I rang her husband. I was a bit worried at the time but put it down to a mistake. It happened again this afternoon. Would you think it unreasonable to report concerns to Children's services?

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/03/2019 22:31

You're saying every day. Can you clarify how many times has this child been locked outside.

Because I managed this a few times. It was my fault.

thedisorganisedmum · 05/03/2019 22:31

why wouldn't a 10 year old be ok on his own for 3 hours? Not 3 days... 3 hours?

I might feel uncomfortable if it was a really isolated property, but obviously they have neighbours like you, so they are not that isolated? Just offer to keep a spare key for the boy.

Surely many parents are happy to leave a 10 year old at home when they go out for diner for a couple (or 3) hours in the evening, so what's the issue here? I am not writing ALL parents, it depends on the child too, but that's not an unreasonable thing to do. A 3 year old alone, obviously not, but 10?

Lellochip · 05/03/2019 22:31

Me and my sister were home alone at that age and managed fine. His parents should definitely sort out back up plans so he knows what to do if he's locked out etc though

PinguDance · 05/03/2019 22:32

It's not legally an offense to leave an under 10 at home unsupervised,

IncrediblySadToo · 05/03/2019 22:33

Oh no. A LIMESTONE step. You should have said. It makes ALL the difference.

🙄

Your pointing out that she works in a school
was a dig too.

Honestly. Let them sort their own business out. Surely one of them will have the common sense to leave a hidden key in case this happens again in another 12 months

Home alone after school is not a SS issue.

Smidge001 · 05/03/2019 22:33

I used to walk home from school when I was in middle school, let myself in and be home alone every day til parents came back from work. It was very common. I remember when a new starter joined the first year (would have been 8yrs old) and the head asked if I'd walk part way home with them til they got to know the way, as we were in the same direction. I did for about 2 or 3 days then left them to it. I'm sure the fact this was normal in my day doesn't make it the perfect answer, but I do think it shows we've forgotten that actually kids are pretty capable much earlier than you'd think. And definitely not a case for social services!! Just offer to keep a spare key at yours.

titchy · 05/03/2019 22:33

Being at home on his own for three hours is fine Op.

Forgetting his key once a year and having to sit on his doorstep in the rain will not kill him and might make him more careful not to forget it next time.

I doubt the older sister spends every evening at school or with her friends.

Just offer to have a spare.

thedisorganisedmum · 05/03/2019 22:33

in the Uk,

The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.

what's the risk here? Forgetting your key is not a risk - or my own husband would have committed an offence because I managed to lock myself out a few times.

TSSDNCOP · 05/03/2019 22:33

That’s not accurate according to the NSPCC website there is no minimum age in law.

titchy · 05/03/2019 22:34

Legally it's an offence to leave an under 10 home alone.

No it isn't.

colditz · 05/03/2019 22:35

It’s not an offence to leave an under ten home alone.

PinkiOcelot · 05/03/2019 22:36

So most people think it’s ok to leave a child home alone for hours on end at 10 years old?! Really?!

thedisorganisedmum · 05/03/2019 22:36

The NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

I don't believe 3 hours constitute a "long period of time". No one starves in 3 hours.

TSSDNCOP · 05/03/2019 22:37

No, we are saying that depending on the child and the family arrangements including older sibling, it’s not a default call SS situation.

tictac86 · 05/03/2019 22:37

To young and definitely report this or ring nspcc as they will have good advice

thedisorganisedmum · 05/03/2019 22:38

So most people think it’s ok to leave a child home alone for hours on end at 10 years old?!

yes. Why ever not?
I wouldn't go away for the weekend, but for 3 hours? I can't see the issue - as long as the child is not terrified, but most of them would be absolutely fine.

colditz · 05/03/2019 22:38

With respect, choclit, it seems like your kids are much younger and therefore you’ve not yet experienced the moment when you have to trust a child to be competent.

TSSDNCOP · 05/03/2019 22:41

I wouldn’t leave my 11 yo for that long because he’s not mature enough, and I don’t have to. We have worked up to an hour and a half though.

But i do leave him all day with an older sibling if I need to, because I also need to work.

It’s not ideal. But I’m reason with them that if as a family we like nice things, we have to cooperate to get them.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 05/03/2019 22:41

I've locked myself out a lot more than that and I'm a grown ass 35 year old. Luckily for me I have a kind neighbour (or 2...) who holds a spare key for me. As I do for her.

I'm not really sure what your worry is? If it's getting locked out once a year then that's easily sorted. If it's him being home alone for 3 hours, well it's not ideal but it doesn't mean he's at risk. Him having no friends is none of your business.

I'm also wondering why you're blaming his mother in your OP. SHE left him locked out. Is your issue really about her working instead of being at home?

makingmiracles · 05/03/2019 22:41

Age is neither here nor there once in double figures, it’s about the child and their sensibilities/capabilities.

I would not trust my 15yr old alone at home, he has issues and is immature and a risk taker, I’d be worried he’d do something stupid like electrocute himself or set fire to the house, my 13yr old on the other hand, mature for his age, sensible, cautious personality type, listens and follows instructions, has been left home alone for varying time periods since around 10/11.

mayflower43 · 05/03/2019 22:42

Legally it's an offence to leave an under 10 home alone

That is totally untrue. In "law" or even in advice from SS or NSPCC no exact ages are given.

Think about it. How could that be true? I would trust my 11 year old foster child for an hour or so, but not my 27 year old son who has autism.

posie586 · 05/03/2019 22:42

Why not change to a keypad-style lock? why not hide a key?

blackcoffeeinbed · 05/03/2019 22:43

I agree with pp on this and think you should offer to keep a spare key incase this happens again. My best friend has a 10 year old son who walks himself home from school and has a key to take himself in, he's on his own for 2 hours before she gets home from work and so far there hasn't been any problems. It's sounds to me like the only problem they're having with this set up is the son loses the key which isn't ideal but that's where you could help? If he's expected most days to look after himself at home and only twice has it been brought to your attention because of the key issue then it tells you the rest of the time it probably works for them. I hate how people can just jump to thought of involving cs, without thinking of the implications on the family. I doubt any parent would rather be at work earning money to support their families than be at home to see their children home everyday but we don't live in a perfect world and it in one way is teaching the son that lesson. Also I believe it's not illegal to leave a child under 10, I was under the impression you can leave a child as long as they aren't in any danger at any age. Obviously it's common sense that you wouldn't leave a 1,2,3,4,5,6,7... year old but depending on each child and their capabilities of independence then it's not unreasonable to leave children around this boys age. Ultimately it's his parents choice, I think helping would be much more decent than judging and causing trouble.

MumOfOne92 · 05/03/2019 22:43

@HotChocLit it's not legally an offence Hmm

There is no legal age to be left home alone.

makingmiracles · 05/03/2019 22:44

And no, SS is complete overkill and they have far far bigger problems to deal with without having wasting time to conduct an initial assessment for a child whose lost his key twice And is home alone before parents return from work. Offer to hold a spare key if you are genuinely concerned.