Off Sick - being forced to come in

[MyNameIsABCDE]

I'm currently having the heaviest, most painful period of my life. I'm soaking through a tampon AND pad every hour or so and have vomited, feel very weak and faint.

I text my boss yesterday to let him know I was ill (didn't mention it was a period but just said I've been sick and dizzy) and to let him know I might not be in today. His reply was just that he needs me to come in. I text again first thing this morning saying I'm still not well but will try and come in later. Again he just said I need you to come in later.

I work in an office. He doesn't 'need' me there. The others in my team are in today and can cover anything urgent that needs to be done today.

AIBU to think that he should just let me have a day off sick and say hope you feel better soon?

I had a boss once who was a right twat. Never followed policies properly. He was only employed because he was a good salesman. Worst manager on the planet (the directors admitted this - he only kept his job because he made them money).

I had a miscarriage and told him in detail about it even though the detail wasn’t his business, but I’m an honest person, so there you go. Told him I didn’t know how long I’d be off for.

He texted me the very next day telling me he needed me in work. I went batshit. My hormones were all over the place and I really wasn’t in the mindset to deal with his disgusting attitude. So I phoned him and tore him a new arsehole. Went into great great detail about my heavy bleeding and what I was going through and reminded him that I’d already told him what I was experiencing and that I’d already agreed with him I could take the time off I needed. And his harassment of me requesting I come into work could land him in court. I believe I actually started the phone call with “what the fuck is wrong with you??”

Anyway, he went very quiet, apologised and told me not to worry about coming into work.

Now I’m not saying you should tear your boss a new arsehole, but I think you should formally call in and just advise you’re not coming in as you’re sick. End of discussion.

On the flip side you could go in and sit in the boss' chair and cover it in blood. I did this (not deliberately, obvs) - mortifying, but on the plus side when I went in for a hysterectomy a few months later he was full of concern.

@yellowfish123

It's not a case of having a list of 'acceptable' and 'unacceptable' illnesses. It really depends on a range of factors, including the employee's previous record and their job. What I would say is that colds, flues and migraines would not be authorised.

Seriously? 'Colds, flus and migraines wouldn't be authorised?

I'm a migraine sufferer. I wouldn't be able to work during a bad attack, lifting my head off a pillow would have me vomiting, I can't see during a bad attack, I get pins and needles on one side of my face and am unable to function, I'd certainly lose my driving licence if I attempted to drive to work in that state. I'm glad I don't work for you or your company.

I've also had flu, twice in my life, and was bedridden for 2 and 4 weeks respectively. I couldn't move. It's not a case of 'the sniffles' if you have flu, it's a highly contagious virus that can be fatal to vulnerable people. I couldn't look after my young son for a month, let alone go to work!

Some workplaces are the absolute pits, and I'm glad I don't work for them!

I was once questioned in a very "heavy" manner as to why I wasn't in a practical science experient at Uni which was mandatory. I told them exactly why - heavy period, vomiting, dizzy - they sent a letter of apology and never asked again.

If senior management decide not to authorise an absence request, the employee is given the choice of attending as normal or the case being sent to a disciplinary panel. The normal sanction the disciplinary panel will apply is instant dismissal for insubordination and breach of director's orders.

I hope this information is made available at the interview stage, or better still in every job advert. No way would I want to work for a company with that policy.

People with migraines frequently have visual disturbance and absolutely should not be driving if they have an attack. To do so would be very dangerous - and if a fatal collision were to occur, it would be interesting to see whether Yellowfish's company would carry any liability for corporate manslaughter.

That's before we get to the fact that the "senior management team" authorising sickness absence wouldn't make it past day one of an employment tribunal...

Yellowfish. flues and migraines would not be authorised.
You must be making this up.
Real flu = not being able to walk at the worst stage! I couldn't even turn over in bed!
Migraines = I have been rushed into hospital with migraines and kept there nearly a week. Migraine is terrible. I can't see for a start, and am being violently sick especially if I don't keep still. So violently sick I get little red spots on the sides of my neck and face. Oh and then there is the pain. That is the worst thing. That pain is the most excruciating stabbing pain that shoots down through your head repeatedly and is so unbearable you actually would take an overdose and die just to stop it. The drugs available are good at preventing migraine in the main but every so often a migraine breaks through. Then it is the type that only hospitalisation and drugs like pethidine that have any chance of touching it but even then the pain remains and the misery is unbearable.

I have been bullied by a Head of Department in a University Psychology Department who had no idea what migraine was like. He seemed to think I should leave hospital and make the one hour car journey in so he could see that I was ill.
Then one year I was hit by another car on the motorway six days before Christmas. I was at a hospital away from home. I sent a message to my university saying I wasn't dead but had been in a car crash. No reply, no well-wishing. I was forbidden to drive, in a neck collar with a small crack in my cervical vertebra (forgotten which number) and a migraine that lasted over a week. I also had trouble walking and needed sticks to keep my balance.
I went in to the University the second week of January. Summoned to his office her complained that I has ''not been in before Christmas" That was in the week before, the accident on the evening of the 19th a Sunday, and me being in hospital at first then in another town then kept off sick at home.
I began to get the after-effects of the accident. I am now disabled because of it. I was at the Doctor, and the Hospital having MRI scans and seeing a Consultant Professor Neurosurgeon. I sent my Doctor's notes to the Head of Dept., with little notes all the while. Some months and a lot of treatment later, I went in to the University, still unable to walk further than about 20 metres, without extreme pain. The HoD made me go to his room over 3 times, and on one he brought out all my files (and probably some others) on top of which were my Doctor's off-sick notes. He slapped these down on the table in front of me and said "And I don't want to see any more of these!"
He had not given them to Payroll as he said he would. Then he said he had to go to something else and I was to come back for session four at 6pm. I went home.

On finding out that another older Lecturer had stolen my data and published it under his name, I just left. I could have made a huge fuss. I should have done so. I was too depressed and felt too alone. I found out a lot of my rights a lot later.

MyNameIsABCDE. I haven't got to the end of the thread so sorry but if you are still losing a lot of blood please try and see a Doctor. I think at the least you will be anaemic. Of course you'd have been better off saying it's impossible to come in, but we don't say it at first because we always expect things to clear up a few hours later. I know.
I'd make sure the boss knows the extent and that it was like an early miscarriage and no way could you walk or go to a public place as well as that you were being sick and fainting.
I'm so sorry for you. I do hope you feel much better and that the solution can be found.

Everyone - We need a Law protecting women from abuse about being off sick for these issues. All the examples here should be collected and sent to the Govt. Health Secretary.
The way people are treated for being off sick should be governed by Law too. Mini despots and the likes of people who think Migraine is nothing must be prevented from abusing people and torturing them.

@yellowfish123 Yeah that’s definitely illegal!

OP - honestly it’s medical ignore the arse you did nothing wrong. I have polycystic ovaries and has turned out needed IVF so just bear in mind you might need more time off in future if need tests etc. Might be worth starting to lol elsewhere!

StripeyChina. What! You have been bullied. Harrassed. Enforced to sign something against your will. I would go so far as to say it could be victimisation because you are Disabled. I'm disabled but took early retirement so I din't battle with work issues. However I had a dreadful experience with the woman next door and her father last year culminating in my telling the Police. Two detectives came out - well they were plain clothed so either CID or couldn't afford Uniform, and I explained it and when I got to the third or tenth time of saying ''I can't understand her'' the older Policeman said it was victimisation and abuse of me because I'm disabled and they have seen a rise of it in over the year.
Please look into your rights and make one hell of a big fuss. There will be someone who can help you I am absolutely sure. Citizens Advice will know. People here might too.
Goodluck and don't give up!! lots of love, Elle

Get help. Your boss is being an a**hole. Tell him you can't come in full stop.
That's not normal what you're experiencing.
If I was getting badgered like that I'd be asking my boss if he'd mind me bleeding all over the place. That would embarrass him enough to let it go.
Get seen and forget about him for the moment.

Folf. O God help us! We must do something about this bullying of women, possibly men too but no cases here, but the injustice and abuse of power. these things have to be addressed. There really should be a Law about what employers can/cannot do regarding employees being ill off work.
Lisalisaandcultjam I'm so sorry. It is unspeakable.

"We need a Law protecting women from abuse about being off sick for these issues. All the examples here should be collected and sent to the Govt. Health Secretary.
The way people are treated for being off sick should be governed by Law too. Mini despots and the likes of people who think Migraine is nothing must be prevented from abusing people and torturing them."

Good luck getting this govt to give a shit, especially as they're the ones that have removed many employee rights and it's the one brexit thing that most tory MPs are glad of - that it'll make it easier to remove even more.

Not at all surprised at other police officers noting a rise in abuse of disabled. My brother (also police) has noticed a significant rise in bigotry based crimes ever since the referendum was announced, with a sharp increase after the result.

I had a boss like this’
I have severe endometriosis (spread all over my bowel and bladder and now worked it’s way up further had 4 operations and 4 miscarriages due to gynae problems)was bleeding so bad I was vomiting every hour and was wearing maternity pads and changing every hour, rang my GP and they told me to do what I normally do but if it continues through out the day then I would have to be referred to hospital, rang work and told them this ( and direct to my main manager above my section manager,as I had previously had to have a biopsy the week before and had to give in a letter to explain why I would be off) he was fine with it, section manager rang my house and hour later (my grandmother answered as I was in bed so I’ll I needed help if I was going to the toilet) telling me that they are short staffed as it was and to make sure I’m in tommorow as there is a lot of work that needs to be done and people have booked their holidays and they can’t ‘let’ me have the time off and if I was ill while I was in work I could then go home (work was hour train ride away without the 20 minute walk to the train station from my house and back) when I went in two days later I had a disciplinary meeting saying that I was being unreasonable and that they could see there was ‘nothing wrong with me by looking at me as I was 22 and young’ fair to say I walked out of that meeting made a phone call and left never went back and then wrote in explaining why I had decided to leave... hope your feeling better soon, horrible when people have no idea how much pain women can have just from having a monthly without all the gynae problems in the mix

Don't we think yellowfish's work place have got it right then? Obviously if you have an important job (project going live,pilot,brain surgery) you need to be there? Particularly if you have already let yourself and the company down with that fortnight you had off when you got knocked off your bike by a lorry.
A temperature of 104,shaking uncontrollably,unable to stay awake,(eg flu)or being unable to see properly,or move without vomiting,or think straight about your important project because of the level of your headache ( migraine) - no reason not to be on the flight deck or in surgery really ,is it?

The management team sound deeply,deeply stupid if they genuinely run a sickness policy like that.Or deluded.Or both.

I ended up getting the same train home as my boss. We had to stand as it was busy. I started feeling faint and he said I looked pale so asked if I needed to sit down. Luckily someone offered me a seat and I was OK after having some water. In a way I'm kind of glad he saw that happen to me so he knows I wasn't making it up and just being on a normal period.

Tranexamic acid has been a life saver though

It’s absolutely fucking insane how woman are treated. I only realised this last year when I haemorrhaged. Three fucking times I went to urgent care with bleeding through pads like crazy. At one point they told me I had an infection but couldn’t treat it!!
Only for my friend to find me heamorrhaging passed out cold and got taken straight to a &e, got sorted got the bleeding slowed, got fluids etc. Asked them to take my coil out (source of infection and bleeding) and they flat out refused. I got home and took it out myself and after passing out on the bathroom floor I woke up feeling much much much better. I can’t hoenslty believe I had to do that!

Sorry that turned into a rant but it pisses me off so much how we get shunned! If anyone else was bleeding profusely theyd be straight in trauma!

@TheDarkPassenger you took your coil out yourself??

What I would say is that colds, flues and migraines would not be authorised

So you’d rather someone came in when they have the flu and spread their germs to half the workforce including you? How sensible and productive

And well migraines. Clearly you’ve never had one. Migraines are debilitating. I suffer with them (as does my mother, brother and her father did also). You cannot physically function with a migraine. It is not just a bad headache, as is often the misconception. Your vision and speech are imapired. You can’t drive or operate machinery answer most certainly cannot down the day on a computer or a phone. Imagine your head being smashed into by a truck or a sledgehammer. That might give you some small idea of the pain a migraine causes. Dr’s advice is to rest, no noise or bright light. And definitely NOT to piss about on computers or telephones that can exacerbate your symptoms and prolong the migraine.

Glad I work for an employer who understands this.

Urgh bloody predictive text!! 🙄

@MyNameIsABCDE

Yep! A nice American youtube lady talked me through it (some Americans don’t wanna pay to get it taken out so do it themselves)
I absolutely would not recommend it but I was actually at my wits end.. I was at that point where I didn’t even care what happened I just wanted the pain and bleeding to stop :( i texted my friend first and said if I don’t text you in an hour please can you call me an ambulance, but I think I was only out cold for about 5 mins. I’m just so gutted that the hospital fobbed me off, especially as I wasn’t just wanting it out for any other reason! :( weirdly all the antibs I was on whirl it was still in werent working but the infection cleared up after it was gone! I told my nurse aswell what I’d done and she didn’t actually seem that shocked, I bet others have done similar. I’m just glad it wasn’t an implant 😂

Previously mentioned employer of mine also disciplined me over time off for migraine.

Mine mimic TIA, I cant speak, lose the right side of my vision completely and get the drunk/hangover post drome once its worn off. If I dont take painkillers within minutes of noticing the first instance of my aura presentation, i'm in trouble.

I was asked if I couldn't have one on the days I didnt work.

They like to tell you 'we dont deny you're sick, but you're failing to fulfil your contract'

Soaking through tampon and pad every hour or so sounds like beginning of peri-menopause to me. My GP prescribed trans anaemic acid which helped slow down blood loss. Go to see your GP. Email your boss you are going to GP and you are not well enough to attend work today.

@MyNameIsABCDE How are you today?

@ihateunclejamie (great name by the way)

I'm actually feeling pretty normal now 😊. It just feels like a normal manageable period so I think it's coming to an end thank god! I'm even meeting a friend tonight. So all is good. Thanks for all the support everyone. I'm relatively new to mumsnet and I've found the majority of people to be so lovely and helpful so far, so thanks for that.

Sorry to all those who have had difficulties with shit bosses and/or menstrual problems/miscarriages. Women definitely have a harder deal than men! x

MyNameIsABCDE. I'm so glad you are feeling better!

Folf. I'm sure there is a law against treating Employees like that! It's just unbelievable! He obviously is a Psychopath and I really mean that. The ghastly thing is, I too suffer like you - I get several types of migraine and one like yours makes me go numb, can't see and the pain is so extreme I can't describe it which is what makes the nausea so terrible. That migraine is a neurological disorder everyone knows. Yet I was working in a University with a Boss who said he was a Neuropsychologist who announced I had to come to work with such a migraine. (his claim to fame being that he cuts up the brains of rats). He's the one I mentioned before. He told me I had to come in with "One of your famous migraines (heavy sarcasm and disbelief ) so I can see it". I can't even get to the bathroom! Getting on a train, (assuming I can walk to the station!) then getting across the underground and then walking a long way to the University or alternatively driving for an hour up to London through the Blackwall Tunnel etc. when I can't see? can't walk? am being violently sick? falling over, making noises because of the pain, in so much pain I would rather be dead??? Shows how much he knew about Neuropsychology! As it happens I went on to study Neuropsychology properly at The Institute of Neurology. Where the Lecturers, mainly Neurologists, were so kind and compassionate and treated the Patients with such dignity and concern. But the aforementioned bastard was another psycho boss. I studied Post-Grad at the Institute of Psychiatry too so can say that with a bit of knowledge!!
It goes without saying that somehow we must stop these bullying bastard bosses from getting away with these inhumane ways of treating people, especially women, as this thread proves.