Off Sick - being forced to come in

[MyNameIsABCDE]

I'm currently having the heaviest, most painful period of my life. I'm soaking through a tampon AND pad every hour or so and have vomited, feel very weak and faint.

I text my boss yesterday to let him know I was ill (didn't mention it was a period but just said I've been sick and dizzy) and to let him know I might not be in today. His reply was just that he needs me to come in. I text again first thing this morning saying I'm still not well but will try and come in later. Again he just said I need you to come in later.

I work in an office. He doesn't 'need' me there. The others in my team are in today and can cover anything urgent that needs to be done today.

AIBU to think that he should just let me have a day off sick and say hope you feel better soon?

MyNameIs
I hope you are seeking medical attention. It’s not just bleeding it’s also the vomiting and fainting. If you are too ill to get yourself to the hospital you can call an ambulance.

TedandLola
That’s awful.

My period pains and heavy periods were also brushed aside. As a result I suffered many years of my uterus making me very ill and poisoning me before I discovered the cause and that I needed a hysterectomy pdq. I didn’t realise how ill I was at the time and looking back I don’t think I would have survived much longer without the op.

sorry for all those typos.

your text didn't make you sound very ill (which you are).
Saying you "might" come in later - well i don't blame him for saying "yes do come in".

Hope you get sorted.

Firstly, you need medical attention. Secondly, your text was a bit wishy washy so next time just say you're not in, end of.

Please get proper medical advice op...that level of bleeding if it isn't normal for you needs investigating.

But you’re not being forced to go to work. You worded the message in a way that made it seem like you would be in later!
My toddler had Norovirus Friday-Sunday. I knew there was a chance I would get it and I woke up this morning and have been vomiting since 6am! I sent my boss as message that said I won’t be in as I am vomiting. She replied and said she hopes I feel better soon. No confusion over me saying I “might” be in later

Please call 111 or get to your GP. Tell your boss you're not well and need medical attention. You could tell him you're bleeding heavily, vomiting and having dizzy spells, but you don't have to.

The boss would be in trouble if he pressured you to come in and you collapse.

First, get to a doctor.

Then, as everyone else has said, rethink how you communicate with your boss. He's not being very nice but, TBF, you need to say you're ill and will not be in, not that you 'might not be in'. And you shouldn't have offered to 'try and come in later.'

Look after yourself.

OP, hope you are getting medical help.

If you had diarrhoea and/ or vomiting, you'd say that and leave your boss to imagine the graphic detail. Why not the same for "period problems", or "extremely heavy menstruation"?

Perhaps if we all stated what is really the issue when phoning in sick, employers would be more aware that menstuation making a women be too ill to work is a real possibility, and it would filter down and help those unfortunate enough to have managers like the OP's.

Please call 111. I was also very faint after severe bleeding and ended up needing a blood transfusion - things can deteriorate really quickly.

Well unles your boss is going to drive to your home and physically pick you up, he can't make you go in

Paper trail and next time no ambiguity. Also I've learned however nice your boss is you probably won't get much sympathy.

I would ring him and explain that due to what is happening you can't leave the house.

Never mind work. If you are going through a tampon and pad an hour you need to get urgent medical help.

How are you op?

This is a difficult one. On the one hand, you've said your unwell. However, in the office I manage(and I'm sure many others) we have a system where employees must call in before 8am to request the day off, having given a clear description of their illness to the HR team. The company senior management team will then decide whether to authorise the time off at their discretion.

I certainly don't know of many companies that would allow time off without any reasons being provided.

@Yellowfish if the company has an occupational health dept then as long as they are aware of the illness it’s not even HR’s business to know, let alone the SMT deciding whether to authorise the time off. We used to phone in and if the illness was personal then we’d just say “I’m ill; Occ Health are aware”.

Anyway, back to @MyNameIsABCDE - how are you? Hopefully getting checked out at hospital. Nothing wrong with giving your boss a heads up yesterday but today it should have been nothing more than “I’m sorry, I’m too ill to come in.”

@IHateUncleJamie

We do have an occupational health department. However, myself and the rest of the senior management team have found that since introducing the new policy where directors are informed of and have to approve all absence requests, absences have declined significantly.

It sends a clear message that inappropriate or excessive absences will not be tolerated, regardless of excuses.

Crikey @yellowfish 😳 No offence but on the odd days when my endometriosis used to make me bleed as heavily as the OP, the last thing I would have felt like doing is explaining it to HR or my boss.

Does the SMT get told details of the illness before they decide whether to authorise the absence?

OP have you taken time off for heavy periods before? If so perhaps your boss has noticed you're off sick around the same time each month. I have endo and used to take a day off each month (years ago, before I got the right meds) and my boss told me it was unacceptable to take time off for a period She was female too.

I agree with others, heavy bleeding like you describe could be dangerous and you need to get checked out by a doctor. Fibroids, ruptured cysts and problems with the cervix can all cause heavy bleeding. The doctor will check your pulse, BP and oxygen sats (for signs your body is going into shock).

@Sinkycandle
No one gives a monkey about heavy period - and I mean periods bad enough to make a miscarriage feel like a breeze.

I get what you're trying to say from a physical point of view, but I think that is very thoughtless wording.

OP - Hope you're getting the help you need.

Go to hospital. That level of bleeding is cause for concern, a doctor needs to examine you.

Tell your boss more clearly that you won't be in because of your illness are are seeking medical help this afternoon, and you'll let him know asap when you're back in.

Thanks for all the replies.

I called 111 and they weren't too helpful to be honest. I was recently diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and have very irregular periods (only had 2 since coming off the pill a year ago) so she just put it down to that and said to make and appointment with the GP. I've already got a gynae referral for next month as we're TTC so I'll discuss it then. I was basically told to take painkillers and use a hot water bottle and drink lots of fluids. The bleeding has eased off a bit now thank god!

As for the boss, I've learnt that I shouldn't have said I might come in later, I just felt bad not being in. I messaged him to say that I was feeling dizzy and unwell due to heavy bleeding and I won't be in this afternoon and will let him know how I am tomorrow morning. He said he will talk to me about it when I am next in.

I work in a small office with no HR and we don't really have a sickness policy.

I called out of hours at a weekend, thinking I probably needed iron tablets and was told to sit down/lie down and call 999 when I explained about the blood loss and that I was feeling dizzy. I felt 100% different after being put on fluids.

I called out of hours at 11pm on a Sunday with severe bleeding, which had been going on for ages (I'd already been hospitalised several times and had three blood transfusions). The GP on the other end said there's no point seeing you as I'd only be able to prescribe norethisterone and all the pharmacies nearby are shut, so put your feet up and see your own GP in the morning. I said, please can you at least call the local A&E department and just tell them I'm coming in, I can't wait until morning. He said no.

I drove myself to the hospital sitting on a bath towel, which was completely soaked through with blood by the time I got there, I was admitted straight away and was having another blood transfusion by 3am. I was in hospital a week.

Yes @IhateUncleJamie, SMT are told of the reason for the absence request, and will use this along with the employee's previous absence record and the urgency of what they had to do that day to decide whether to authorise it.