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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Off Sick - being forced to come in

209 replies

MyNameIsABCDE · 04/03/2019 09:29

I'm currently having the heaviest, most painful period of my life. I'm soaking through a tampon AND pad every hour or so and have vomited, feel very weak and faint.

I text my boss yesterday to let him know I was ill (didn't mention it was a period but just said I've been sick and dizzy) and to let him know I might not be in today. His reply was just that he needs me to come in. I text again first thing this morning saying I'm still not well but will try and come in later. Again he just said I need you to come in later.

I work in an office. He doesn't 'need' me there. The others in my team are in today and can cover anything urgent that needs to be done today.

AIBU to think that he should just let me have a day off sick and say hope you feel better soon?

OP posts:
StripeyChina · 05/03/2019 08:28

I have recently been made to attend a meeting whilst signed off sick for similar. They wanted 'further explanation of my medical issues'.
I am disabled and they are failing to put into practice the reccs from their own Occ H report. I have got very run down and it has made me ill. I was told if I didn't attend the meeting they would come to my house. They pushed me to 'admit to a new illness' and sign a permission form for a new OccH report. After an hour of this i said i felt ill and wanted to go back home to bed.

Op, I hope you are feeling a bit brighter?

DarlingNikita · 05/03/2019 13:10

StripeyChina, if you haven't already, talk to ACAS and maybe a solicitor. That sounds extremely dubious.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 05/03/2019 16:33

OP, please make sure you tell your boss in gory detail exactly what you were experiencing. Maybe with photos of said tampons etc Grin

The normal sanction the disciplinary panel will apply is instant dismissal for insubordination and breach of director's orders.

Yellow fish, a) where the fuck do you work and b) what is their staff turnover? (As if I couldn't guess.)

Bellasorellaa · 05/03/2019 16:37

Well your first mistake was making your text sound negotiable.

THIS

and have you tried going on the pill or something because your bleeds are so heavy?

Bellasorellaa · 05/03/2019 16:43

LOL yellowfish

myrtleWilson · 05/03/2019 16:47

OP hope today has gone ok and boss was supportive?

I for one am pleased that calf/yellow is back. I missed their batshit nonsense about locking everyone in the office, senior managers roaming the floor and having meetings about when to open the door. (Quite what happens with regard to such piffling minor things such as business strategy at calf/yellows place when the senior managers are perpetually in meetings discussing whether Alice from accounts has Ebola or just swinging the lead, and whether Bobs claim that he needs to leave urgently and so could they please open the doorsas Bob jr has been taken to hospital from school is actually true or is he just skiving...
I seem to recall there was a third persona too - husband ran a school with rather interesting pupil management policies. Ah... let the good times roll.

Sonicknuckles · 05/03/2019 16:48

Boss sounds like an arse

Original poster
MyNameIsABCDE · 05/03/2019 17:20

@bellasorellaa

I was on the pill for 12 years. Came off last year to start TTC. So many issues since then.

And yes, I've learnt to not send texts that sound negotiable

OP posts:
Original poster
MyNameIsABCDE · 05/03/2019 17:24

@sonicknuckles
Boss is a massive arse at the moment

@myrtleWilson
Boss hasn't been even slightly supportive. Hasn't even said hello or hope you're feeling better or anything. I've had such a shit day and just feel like I've been bullied at work. At least I haven't had to have a chat to boss about my absence

OP posts:
Graphista · 05/03/2019 17:37

Tedandlola when I started it I really expected it to be primarily gynae issues even though I had read the article of other issues and linked them.

I was shocked that it was FAR from just gynae issues and in some cases literally led to deaths of patients.

I'm shocked it isn't a national, even global scandal, that women are STILL being ignored, undx and untreated PURELY Because they're women.

The pill is often prescribed for gynae problems WITHOUT first getting a DX and masks the symptoms of whatever is wrong. Then when the woman comes off the pill - usually to ttc - the symptoms of course return because the cause is undx and untreated and in addition the woman then faces possible fertility and pregnancy complications. Often what then happens is they're referred to fertility specialists - many of whom will tell you it's very frustrating for them and they are sad for their patients too that a gynae condition has gone unacknowledged and untreated for years, possibly to the point it's worse than it needed to be and the fertility issues caused by it are harder to treat/remedy.

And as I've said before, I cannot possibly believe that this is at all saving the Nhs money but instead costing it far more (but it's saving gp's money because they incur costs for referring to specialists and get incentives for not doing so - how messed up is that?! In addition they get incentives for pushing women into having mirena coil inserted which of course gynae symptoms give them the excuse to "recommend" as a treatment, and which can actually make matters worse).

It's a fucking disgrace!

Coldandfrosty · 05/03/2019 17:45

What an arse

pollymere · 05/03/2019 17:50

You need tranexamic acid, not the pill. It stops heavy bleeding in its tracks. Hopefully you've sought urgent medical advice. And ignore work.

Dseale · 05/03/2019 17:51

Be careful. The first thing you should have done was phone or have someone phone. I can pretty much guarantee that’s part of their contract terms you signed so be careful they don’t do you for AWOL. Ring and tell him why your not in nothing to be embarrassed about. He will soon shut up.

Carriecakes80 · 05/03/2019 17:52

Forget the Doctors, go to A& E
I had what sounds very very similiar when I was younger, no scary will follow, needless to say though I went into Hospital and got it sorted out, you must take this seriously and go in. Please??

Ladybird11 · 05/03/2019 17:54

I hope im not speakingout of line, but if you are TTC, are you sure that you are not /have not had an early miscarriage? With my first when i arrived ay hospital due to horrendous bleeding i was shocked to be told i was miscarrying. I hope this is not the case.. but maybe worth a trip to a and e to have hcg level checked. And hugs.. its awful.. work is a separate issue.. xxx

Ticketybootoo · 05/03/2019 17:55

I hope you are able to get an Urgent GP appointment . You need checking over .
Frankly if you are sick you are sick and as long as you follow the procedure in terms of calling in etc you shouldn’t worry .
I hope you get it all sorted and feel better soon 💐

londonrach · 05/03/2019 18:11

Op...forget work 111 or a&e and hope you ok x

havingtochangeusernameagain · 05/03/2019 18:22

employers would be more aware that menstuation making a women be too ill to work is a real possibility, and it would filter down

Or give them yet another reason not to employ women? We can't talk about periods making us sick and we can't talk about the menopause either. Because the workplace is still set up for men.

As for the workplace where they decide if sick leave is going to be authorised it sounds like gathering up all your soaked through pads and tampons would be the way to deal with that!

And not authorising flu or migraine? Okaaaaaaaaay.

Graphista · 05/03/2019 18:23

Ladybird you're right, that's a possibility that op may need to consider unfortunately

havingtochangeusernameagain · 05/03/2019 18:24

The normal sanction the disciplinary panel will apply is instant dismissal for insubordination and breach of director's orders

I always have to laugh at the notion of an adult being insubordinate!

Lisalisaandcultjam · 05/03/2019 18:30

I was once made to take afew days annual leave for Lap & Dye surgery and also when my DH was going through TESA/MESA and was very unwell in hospital afterwards. I was also told I could take annual leave for my egg collection and transfer days but then told no at the very last minute and so was expected to attend for work having had sedation and being told not to drive or operate machinery afterwards (I was a senior nurse at the time). I then called in sick and got hauled over the coals for it and my IVF failed. I was told by HR that they regarded my trying for a family in the same way they would someone having a "nose job" and that it wasn't necessity. My union rep wanted me to take it further but I'd didn't want the hassle at the time.
BTW I was an NHS employee at the time and that was 11 years ago. I understand it's alot worse nowadays too.
I find it scandalous that people are dragged into work when it's physically impossible to do so. It's dangerous for them and others.
My husband's colleague is a union rep for the council where they work and he had to defend a poor woman who was her Mother's next of kin and was terminally ill. Not only was she losing her Mum, she was also facing losing her job.
I understand sickness is at a high these days and that some do take liberties but no wonder there are so many mental health problems and stress related illnesses nowadays.
I'm glad you feel a bit better OP but sorry you've had a rubbish day, take care,x

Nearly47 · 05/03/2019 18:41

I've been going trough this. Sent an email to my male manager detailing all my symptoms including the very heavy beading and didn't have a single pip from him since. As pp said. Go to see your doctor. Among other things you might be anemic.

Folf · 05/03/2019 18:42

"Surely, in that state, regardless of policy, your DH could call for you and say "litluts won't be in because they are almost dead". It would take an asshole to argue you should have called from the ambulance stretcher."

I used to work for a big name retail store who's policy it was for you to have to ring in yourself an hour before your shift.

I was being blu-lighted to hospital, off my face on morphine due to extreme pain, so my dad called them to tell them I wouldn't be in.

Not only did the discipline me for the time I had off (a month in the end, was in and out of hospital really poorly) but also for not making the call myself... they didnt care that I was near unconscious in the back of an ambulance.

Pegnes · 05/03/2019 18:48

I would definitely see a dr.

I know what you mean about work though. Even when I was pregnant, if i would text my boss to let him know I wouldn’t be in and all he would do is say, have you let HR know! Which I already had and they would say have you let your manager know 🤦🏼‍♀️ It wasn’t even like i was off much at all. You would expect a bit more sympathy wouldn’t you.

Nearly47 · 05/03/2019 18:50

TedAndLola, My GP was concerned enough to send me to do a blood test the same day and discuss my options to reduce the bleeding. The fact the OP is vomiting is unusual. So she should see a doctor asap.