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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
TheBiscuitStrikesBack · 01/03/2019 19:06

It’s one of your best friends weddings. You suck it up and go. In ten years time you will regret not going.

Butterpup · 01/03/2019 19:06

You can but don’t expect to be friends again.

Mrsfs · 01/03/2019 19:07

That is a hard one but she is relying on you, is there any chance of your partner settling the baby after a feed or giving a bottle if you aren't breastfeeding?

cad186 · 01/03/2019 19:07

You should go to the wedding

acquiescence · 01/03/2019 19:07

Is it a recent thing that your baby isn’t sleeping? I think not showing on the day because you are tired would be pretty bad form. Do you have a partner who can help you out at night or let you sleep in the morning? You could do your own hair/makeup and get there around 12pm maybe?

BreastSideStory · 01/03/2019 19:08

YAB massively U.
You can’t let her down the day before the wedding.
Drink a shit ton of coffee, get your DP to get up tonight if baby wakes. Text your friend now and tell her how exhausted you and ask if you can come over a bit later and be the last one to get your hair and make up done.
Then go to the wedding, spend an hour or so at the evening reception then go home to bed.

BarbedBloom · 01/03/2019 19:08

Personally I would say you can’t make it for makeup and hair, go to ceremony and have photos taken and then go home. But it depends on how your friend will take it

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/03/2019 19:08

Can you do your own hair and make up and just go to the ceremony and leave after the photos?

Haffdonga · 01/03/2019 19:08

Yes sorry YABU. You would be massively letting her down.

Being her bridesmaid is a once in a lifetime event. Having no sleep is incredibly tough but this time you need to grin and bear it for a day.

Catscratchclub · 01/03/2019 19:08

Ahh love, I know this sucks but I think you need to somehow pull it out the bag and be there. Can your partner help you tonight? Even a block of 4 hours would make you feel more human.

I genuinely understand how devestating sleep deprivation is (Ds woke every 90 mins till he was 2 and I was a single parent) but your friend is counting on you and it’s really late notice to pull out now Flowers

CalmDownPacino · 01/03/2019 19:08

You would be massively unreasonable. It's one day and you are a huge part of her wedding. I think you'd totally ruin the friendship if you did this.

Littleraindrop15 · 01/03/2019 19:08

Can you not go for part of the ceremony and leave the breakfast Nd reception

BreakingCakes · 01/03/2019 19:08

Can your partner take the night shift? It's too late to cancel the day before. That's a really shitty thing to do. If you don't have a partner, then mother, friend. You can't just not go.

Sallycinnamum · 01/03/2019 19:08

Go. She will never forgive you if you don't. I'm not sure if forgive myself tbh.

Mrsmadevans · 01/03/2019 19:08

I'm sorry you are not feeling great but you have to suck this up OP.

JeNeBaguetteRien · 01/03/2019 19:08

I think you need to make the effort to go, at the very least for the service.

Who is looking after the baby while you be a bridesmaid? Could they help out this evening? Do you have a partner or anyone who can look after the baby on Sunday to let you catch up on sleep.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/03/2019 19:08

You go to the wedding. You think about your own needs after tomorrow.

hazandduck · 01/03/2019 19:09

OP I feel your pain and the sleep deprivation is shit but why didn’t you tell your best friend sooner how you’re feeling? She’s going to be really nervous and stressed as it is before her wedding. It’s harsh to drop this on her last minute.

BarbedBloom · 01/03/2019 19:09

Actually that is a better idea above, go later so you are last for hair and makeup and then do wedding and food if you feel up to it and head off

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2019 19:09

You've had 3 months to let her down, don't do it the night before the wedding! Confused

villainousbroodmare · 01/03/2019 19:10

Oh, sorry, you absolutely have to go and not only that, you have to smile and sparkle and cosset the bride. Sorry about the tiredness though. It's so hard. Maybe you might be able to sneak a quick nap between photos and dinner?

starzig · 01/03/2019 19:10

Go at 9am. There will be others getting hair and make up done. Ask if you can go last and have a disco nap while waiting. You can't cancel at this short notice.

Hollowvictory · 01/03/2019 19:10

Get your partner to cover tonight with baby. Go to the wedding, adrenaline will get you through

DownWentTheFlag · 01/03/2019 19:11

Go, and do not complain about how tired you are.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 01/03/2019 19:11

Can’t you DP, if you have one, get up with the baby for most of tonight so you can have some sleep? If you are BF then at least let you get to bed early and also let you sleep 5am to 8am before you get up for a very quick shower and go to your friends house.

If not then you just need to suck it up for this one day - you are a bridesmaid for your, presumably, close friend. Not sure whether caffeine perks you up (it does nothing for me sadly) but if it does, see if you can get some pro plus or something for tomorrow

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