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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
3out · 01/03/2019 19:11

Agree with Catscratchclub.

Can you head to bed now?

GruciusMalfoy · 01/03/2019 19:11

Sorry, I think you need to battle through tomorrow. I understand the exhaustion, but your friendship won't recover if you let her down the night before her wedding. And you'll kick yourself in years to come.

lemonface · 01/03/2019 19:12

Go to bed now.

Lalliella · 01/03/2019 19:12

You must be in a terrible state to be even thinking that this isn’t unreasonable. That’s very sad. But I’m afraid you have to go. Remember - with a newborn nothing lasts forever, in no time at all it’ll be very different and looking back you’ll be glad that you went.

LostInShoebiz · 01/03/2019 19:12

If you don’t go you’ll lose at least one friend. I can’t believe you’re even having to ask to be honest.

TeaforTwoBiscuitOrThree · 01/03/2019 19:13

Oh dear. Imagine being the bride. You'll be knackered for a few years to come yet :-). Get some strong coffees, Dextrose tablets in you when you get up.

JustAboutGettingBy · 01/03/2019 19:14

Sorry i agree with pp. I had a baby that woke every 40mins for 11 weeks straight at that age and I wouldve still gone. In fact I went to a retirement do for my ex boss 1.5 hours away getting back after midnight with my baby in tow to not let her down

PotteringAlong · 01/03/2019 19:14

You cannot, cannot do that. It’s one day. This is a day when it’s not about you.

foxsbiscuit · 01/03/2019 19:14

You have to go. It's one day and I do sympathise as I have a six month old who has never slept more than 3 hours a night but you can't just not go.

Crunchymum · 01/03/2019 19:14

I think anything barring a serious (and I mean life and death) emergenc, means you have to go tomorrow and fulfil your obligation.

You can't let her down now. Sleep deprivation is awful (I have a non sleeper) but you just can't let her down.... not at this late stage.

MaverickSnoopy · 01/03/2019 19:15

I understand how you feel. Currently in the midst of 4 month sleep regression with an array of delightful side effects of zero sleep and 3 children. Not functioning and I couldn't hack a wedding. When you're in that fog bailing on things feels like the only viable option and in your shoes I took would feel like bailing.

Unfortunately I don't think there's any acceptable reason for missing bm duties apart from genuine illness and death. She would never forgive you and once out of your sleep deprivation fog you would bitterly regret it.

Get some overnight help. Go along later tomorrow. Lots of coffee and red bull if you can face it. Leave early but make sure you tell her. It's one day.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 01/03/2019 19:15

Ps you must be flipping exhausted to even be contemplating not going so have some Flowers.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 01/03/2019 19:15

You need to go to the wedding. Unless you're happy for the bride to never speak to you again.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 01/03/2019 19:16

I would be devastated if my BM did that!

SparklyMagpie · 01/03/2019 19:16

I'd suck it up. If this isn't a recent change, actually no even if it was, I couldn't do this to a friend the night before.

Attend but possibly leave for an early night

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 01/03/2019 19:17

Can’t did be on baby duty? You need your sleep or you will end up hallucinating (like I did and t was very weird until I started dreaming of murders when I was awake and that was rather disconcerting).

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 01/03/2019 19:18

You need to go. Just think of it as getting through a few hours.

ineedaholidaynow · 01/03/2019 19:18

How many bridesmaids are there? Could you go later, do your own hair and make-up?
I have been a bridesmaid twice and I just remember a lot of hanging around in the morning before the actual ceremony.
And I didn’t even have bridesmaids when I got married and coped. I did have a friend who was going to join me, DM and my godmother in getting ready, but she was pregnant at the time and had had a health scare with the pregnancy earlier that week, so asked if I minded if she just turned up for the ceremony. Which was absolutely fine, just wanted to make sure she was fine.

MynameisJune · 01/03/2019 19:18

You can’t let her down the day before! You’ll lose her and possibly other friends to.

If you have a DP, can’t he get up with the baby in the night? She won’t need feeding at every wake up.

I do sympathise but you should have done this weeks ago.

Lougle · 01/03/2019 19:18

It is so tough. Really, really, tough. DD1 didn't sleep at all in the first few weeks, literally, she just screamed from 10pm until 6am, solidly. Then she gradually started sleeping at 4 am, then 3 am, 1 am, etc., Until at 12 weeks she was sleeping in 2 hour blocks. It was soul destroying. There were days where I couldn't remember what I was doing or almost what her name was.

But, this is one day. The day your friend will remember forever, and you committed to being her 'person' on that day. You aren't unwell, you're tired. You can do this, and then it will be done.

MustStopSnacking28 · 01/03/2019 19:19

I totally understand why you don’t want to but you have to go. It’s just one day to you but for the bride it’s her and her husband’s most special day and you were chosen to be a part of it. If I were the bride I would be most bothered about the ceremony, can you manage just that part even if you don’t go to the do afterwards? That’s the actual wedding anyway so you would be doing your bridesmaid duty but could then try to sleep in the afternoon?

Crunchycrunchycrunchy · 01/03/2019 19:19

If you don't go it's likely to be the end of your friendship. You need to go. You should have told her before now if it was going to be an issue.

KateGrey · 01/03/2019 19:19

I think you need to go sadly. Can your partner step in and take the baby? I’ve got two kids with Sen and they wake every night and youngest won’t go back to sleep. So I’m 9 year in counting with very little sleep. You’ll feel awful if you don’t go.

Wellit · 01/03/2019 19:19

I was in your position some months ago, single mother and bride lived an hour and half drive away wanted us there at an eye watering 8am for makeup etc. I sucked it up, felt like death and looked awful. It was also the first time I left my child and I cried quite a bit of the time too in the loos or hidden where others weren't. But I did it and it was fine, she wouldn't of forgiven me if I didn't. I think you should do the same and just don't be too hard on yourself when you've ruined the photos like I did 🤷‍♀️ she knew fine well what I was going through and I asked to get there late but she wasn't having any of it so the shitty photos of me were a small price.

legolimb · 01/03/2019 19:20

Sleep now. Get as much as you can and show up tomorrow.

If you don't then you'll regret it. Your friend will probably be v pissed off with you.

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