To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

[sillyandsally]

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

You've had 3 months to let her down, don't do it the night before the wedding!

THIS

God no. You can't do this.

Why have you left it until the night before the wedding to try and back out?

You will have to go even if you have to drag yourself there.

You have to go OP, there’s no doubt about it. But I would try and negotiate a slightly later arrival perhaps, if you’re desperate.
I sympathise - I had a non sleeping baby - but there are some things you just have to do.

Red Bull. When my kids were small I was so tired I was at risk of falling asleep driving on the motorway. Red Bull always worked as a temporary pick me up.

I've got 3DC. None of the slept well and they still don't sleep well. I've honestly been tired to the point of hallucinating. It is so so so hard and I 100% feel your pain. However, for one more day, get your big girl pants on and push through the pain. This is something you cannot pull out of.

Can you beg a friend to come and help you so you can sleep either now till late or for few hours maybe if they can't stay overnight, just bringing baby to you for feeding if BFing.

Tell bride the situation, show up as late as you can and depending on schedule do ceremony, photos and drinks, dinner if you can red bull your way through and then leave making your apologies to the bride.

If you were my friend I'd try and help you get some sleep so you could middle through something important.

Can I just say that it sounds like you're doing an amazing job looking after your baby by yourself . That level of sleep deprivation is absolute torture.

I think the idea of trying to nap for an hour or two after dropping the baby off is probably the best compromise.

Could you go to hers at 9 - will someone else have the baby from then? - then sleep for a few hours

I am sorry it's so tough, from experience even a small amount of sleep can cross the line from mental breakdown to feeling things can be more manageable

If you can possibly pull something out of the bag do it, and hopefully as your friend the bride is kind enough to give you an easy morning

Awww I really feel for you but if there's anyway you can make it work, do try. I was meant to be a bridesmaid to a close friend and when she found out I was pregnant she stood me down on exactly these grounds, because she said it would be too hard for me with a new baby. She was right!

I agree with suggesting you skip hair and make up and just turn up for the ceremony. I wouldn't care at all if it was my wedding if you did that, but I guess I would feel sad if you bailed completely.

Are you the only bridesmaid OP? I think if there are say 10 of you then it changes things!

I'm sorry but to leave it to the last moment you are BVVVU.

I can remember that utter exhaustion op it feels like it will never end but it does. Go to the wedding but maybe turn up later in the morning and leave sometime after the ceremony if you need to.

OP, do you have anxiety? I'm a bugger for making plans and then feeling like I can't do it just before the event. You just need to force yourself to go or you're going to lose your friend.

Sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree.

I understand OP. My son was a terrible sleeper and my OH worked away, at times I was so exhausted I genuinely thought I’d just drop dead. Sounds dramatic but it was absolutely mentally and physically killing me.

I’d say try and be there for your friend tomorrow, ask her if you can come a bit later for your makeup and have a nap when your baby’s grandparents take her.

People with no children or with good sleepers just do not understand. One of my children was a good sleeper, it was tiring but the absolutely soul-crushing physical and mental exhaustion from my bad sleeper was just hell. I really feel for you.

After the wedding is over I urge you to try and work on your DDs sleep - co-sleeping, overnights with a trusted family member, when she’s a bit older controlled crying (I am absolutely not advocating cry it out which is totally different) etc. Good luck

Love that everyone assumes there is a partner to step into the breech....& if there is one why the hell haven’t they helped more before now too?!?!?!!!????

Yes you can’t let her down.
As tough as it is if you do then this may be the end of your friendship

There's me and her sister who are bridesmaids.
Well technically I'm maid of honour and her sister is bridesmaid but it's very much the same thing I think.
I've left it till now because I kept thinking she will start sleeping more but it never happened.

Leave baby with grandparents tomorrow. Catch 3 hours sleep. Go to wedding. Do not even consider anything else.

I would go but leave early. I feel for you!

You say she is your friend but if you don't go I reckon you won't have any friends

I think people are being harsh on you. You sound exhausted and I wish you had someone to take care of you. I would agree with previous suggestion to ask if you can arrive a little later and have hair/make up done last. You might feel a bit more human once your hair and make up are done - you probably haven't had chance to make yourself look nice for a while.

I hope that you are able to enjoy yourself. x

@MC68 not everyone assumed that at all! I didn't, I asked the question.

If there are 10 of them it makes it worse for the OP! They'll all have their problems and logistics to sort and won't have much sympathy for a no show!

OP you have to go as arranged. It'll be a break anyway. A change is as good as a rest! Go to sleep as soon as you can!