Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 19:20

Do you have a DP? Are you breast or bottle feeding?

NotSoThinLizzy · 01/03/2019 19:20

I know this type of tiredness. Mabye be last for hair and make up or ask very nicely if you can do your own so you can try get a couple of zzz while baby naps or is there someone who can take over earlier so you can have a lie in. And when hair and make up is done have a cheeky nap 😉

Original poster
sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:20

I'm not with partner as we split.
So I'm the one getting up every night then during the day when she does sleep I'm that tired I can't sleep.
I'm stuck in a massive vicious circle.
I have no family that can help me only my dad and he is 77 and not in the best health.
My ex's mam and dad are having her tomorrow but they are out tonight so wouldn't have her tonight too.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 01/03/2019 19:20

Can't your DP help? You really need to go.

BertrandRussell · 01/03/2019 19:21

“Can you do your own hair and make up and just go to the ceremony and leave after the photos”
No. She’s the bridesmaid!!!!

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 01/03/2019 19:21

Probably the most selfish thing I've read in a while.
I'm glad you're not my friend.

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 19:21

Speak to your friend about it.

I can’t imagine being the slightest bit upset, other than my friend was struggling so much. It certainly wouldn’t have spoiled my day.

Original poster
sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:21

I'm really not selfish I'm just so tired.
Totally exhausted.
I haven't slept more than 3 hours in months and I'm drained totally and utterly drained.

OP posts:
NancyFrank · 01/03/2019 19:22

Sorry but you are a bridesmaid! By all means leave earlier than you normally would but you cannot cancel on your friends wedding day the day before when you are a bridesmaid! It's one day, power through and make your friends day special

homegrownmumma · 01/03/2019 19:22

Crack on with drinking coffee and rely on a whole load of sugary chocolate .
Your making the day about you and that is not fair , go to the wedding stay for dinner then go home if you want before the evening starts .

Your friend will not forgive you for adding on the stress

SnowyDaze · 01/03/2019 19:22

You need to go to the wedding for your friend. It’s just one day for you to manage through, but it means a very big deal to your friend!!

Honestly, I understand sleep deprivation, as I’ve got a 10 month old who is ebf and wakes up every 2-3 hours (I’ve done every night shift so far) and a toddler who commandeers all of the daylight hours.

You’ll survive for the day, but it does sound like you need some help for a few hours sleep here and there. Sleep now, have a quick shower in the morning and enjoy some peace whilst you have your hair/make up done tomorrow.

Coronapop · 01/03/2019 19:22

It is far too short notice to back out as you are a bridesmaid.

YepImafraidIchangeditagain · 01/03/2019 19:23

It may be the lovely break that you need then.

You'll just have to suck it up.

I'm sure most parents have had to go to work, and event or look after multiple children on very little sleep.

Bridesmaiding sounds like a much nicer problem to have.

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 19:23

No. She’s the bridesmaid!!!!

And?! I think that’s a great compromise. Means the OP has more time to get ready and doesn’t let the bride down.

LovingLola · 01/03/2019 19:24

Have you given your friend the slightest hint over the past few weeks about the issues you’re having ?
Also are there other bridesmaids?

singwhenyoureswimming · 01/03/2019 19:24

Yeah don’t go. I mean it’s not like it’s a big deal, is it? Hmm

Springisallaround · 01/03/2019 19:24

OP it sounds awful but think of it this way- you've coped every day so far even with so little sleep, so this is just another one of those days.

I do feel for you though, it's horrible to feel so sleep-deprived you don't feel yourself.

GivemeGivenchy · 01/03/2019 19:24

Can't the father have her over night? I get you are not together. But he is still the dad. Or is he not on the scene at all?

IvanaPee · 01/03/2019 19:24

I can’t believe you’re even considering this the night before her wedding!

Of codixdbyiu can’t bloody pull out. The poor bride!

Pinkprincess1978 · 01/03/2019 19:24

You really, really have to go. Yes it's hard but you can't let your best friend down. She won't forgive you.

As another pp suggested ask if you can be done first and go see if you can have a lie down for an hour maybe.

GruciusMalfoy · 01/03/2019 19:25

OP, tiredness can make you think all sorts so I don't blame you for considering this. But you know deep down it isn't an option. Get to bed ASAP. Yes you'll have a broken sleep, but it's better than nothing at this point. Strong coffee in the morning.

YouDancin · 01/03/2019 19:25

Poor thing. You must feel wrecked.

If you're not allergic to it can you neck some red bull or other energy drink tomorrow and chemical it out? As soon as you get a mo have a nap somewhere and then top up for the later session if you need.
You'll be wrecked but can do it. Flowers

cjpark · 01/03/2019 19:26

You have to go. Go to bed now, get over there for 9am and if you can grab a nap whilst the others are getting ready, do.

howwillwedeal · 01/03/2019 19:26

Ok if Ex DPs parents are having her tomorrow, drop her off, go back home and grab three hours and then go to your friends?

hellenbackagen · 01/03/2019 19:26

It's one day and you've given zero notice - she will presumably have paid for dress/shoes/hair/makeup and meal?

You would be hugely unreasonable to not go now.

You could have backed out much much earlier maybe.

It's just one day and I bet you'll
Enjoy it once you're glammed up.

Nap in afternoon maybe?

Early night.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.