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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go to friends wedding tomorrow...I'm the bridesmaid

729 replies

sillyandsally · 01/03/2019 19:05

I had a baby 3 months ago and she isn't sleeping on a night at all.
I'm lucky if I get 2 hours sleep.
I'm exhausted to a point I feel sick.
My friends wedding tomorrow and I'm bridesmaid but I know tonight I will be lucky to get even 3 hours sleep so I'm going to be in no fit state.
I feel so sick and exhausted with tiredness.
Aibu to tell her I can't go?
The wedding is at 1pm but she wants me over at 9am for makeup and hair.
I don't know what to do

OP posts:
nanbread · 01/03/2019 19:34

That sounds so hard OP is your partner not involved at all? If not do you have a friend locally who could have baby from 8-10am so you can get a bit of extra sleep and turn up an hour or two late (tell bride of course)? I know it's early but if you don't ask you don't get in these situations. I'd post something on FB asking for help.

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 19:34

if you don't go I reckon you won't have any friends

I can’t imagine being the type of person who would end a friendship over a single day when the friend is struggling with single-parenthood and crippling newborn tiredness.

I’d be gutted if my friends felt they couldn’t explain to me the situation and see what we could do to help her be there (or if she really needed to not be there).

Ooplesandbanoonoos · 01/03/2019 19:35

I know how exhausted you are but you need to go.
Get to bed now to maximise sleep.
Lots of coffee. I think it Would he ok to leave after an hour or so at evening reception.

shpoot · 01/03/2019 19:35

Just read you are maid of honour. She's paid for your dress, your hair, your make up etc presumably. She'll be nervous as hell and you are her best friend.

You have to go. You'll be tired but you'll still have your friend when this stage passes. Which it will

greendale17 · 01/03/2019 19:36

You must have known for weeks about this. You can’t pull out now

caughtinanet · 01/03/2019 19:37

I'm going to be a lone voice but if I was good enough friends with someone that I'd asked them to be a bridesmaid no way would I want them to feel as bad as the OP does and under so much pressure to turn up.

What'sgoing to happen if a bridesmaid has to drop out? Do you have anything that can't be done by one of the other BMs?

HoppityFrog3 · 01/03/2019 19:37

2 massive cans of red bull. Maybe even 3

You can do this.

Good luck.

Don't let her down. Hope you feel OK tomorrow and have a good day.

Flowers
Springwalk · 01/03/2019 19:38

Ask dh to get up all night. Don’t go for hair and make up until the last minute ( white lie - you aren’t feeling well) drink caffeine in the morning. A few glasses of wine afterwards. You will be fine. If anyone is staying see if you can slip away for a nap. You can’t let her down the night before op.

JacquesHammer · 01/03/2019 19:38

Ask dh to get up all night

The OP has explained she’s a single parent...

Gruzinkerbell1 · 01/03/2019 19:39

I think people are being unnecessarily harsh on you. You sound utterly exhausted.

Ask your friend if you can be last for hair and makeup, that will buy you at least another hour at home. Stay for the ceremony and speeches, food etc. Leave before the evening do starts (assuming they're having one) but don't tell your ex's parents. Instead go home, have a bath, and have a much needed uninterrupted sleep Flowers

Starch · 01/03/2019 19:39

I think this is one where only a death in the family or a hospital stay will suffice, unfortunately.

Are your ex’s parents having the baby overnight tomorrow for you?

Hellohappy · 01/03/2019 19:39

You’ve got childcare for your baby. It might feel like a break if you go.

Margot33 · 01/03/2019 19:40

You should go. Otherwise you probably won't be friends again.

Readytogogogo · 01/03/2019 19:40

Can everyone posting please read the thread - OP doesn't have a partner who can help her out tonight. If she had, she wouldn't be so desperate that she's having to consider missing the wedding.

AnyFucker · 01/03/2019 19:40

No, you must do this. Get off MN and sleep when your baby sleeps from right this minute. Even if you are resting with your eyes open it is better than nothing.

After the wedding you can crash.

MC68 · 01/03/2019 19:41

Apologies; knew I should have read further than 2 pages before I got on my soapbox Blush

Purplejay · 01/03/2019 19:41

You have to go to the wedding. Jesus.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 01/03/2019 19:42

Why can't your partner do the waking with baby tonight so you can sleep? If you were my friend and cancelled because you were tired I'd never speak to you again. It's her wedding not just a party. I assume you manage to get through other days with this amount of sleep, shopping, doctors appointments, taking care of the baby, housework etc. Sorry but children cause sleep deprivation for years you can't just check out of everything

KitKat1985 · 01/03/2019 19:42

I get that you are exhausted and where you are at, I really do, having also been a bridesmaid when I had a 6 month old who was a bloody terrible sleeper. But you can't let your friend down the day before her wedding. She's probably really stressed / anxious already right now, without her Maid of Honour phoning up and saying she's not coming. And I really don't think your friendship would recover from it.

In the same boat I went (also exhausted) but did call it a day at 9.30pm even though I think my friend (the bride) would have liked me to stay later, but I certainly didn't miss any of the preparations or any of the 'important' bits of the day.

whasoaw1 · 01/03/2019 19:43

If she's paid money for your dress etc then it's going to look bad. But you don't HAVE to go. No one's holding a gun to your head. Still, the friend might not be a friend anymore if you chose not to go. It all depends on the friend.

caringcarer · 01/03/2019 19:43

No matter how tired you ate don't spoil your friends wedding. She chose you to be her bridesmaid she trusts you don't let her down. Sleep the next day. You could have cancelled up to a month ago and the night before is too late.

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream · 01/03/2019 19:43

Apologies I didn't read the update where there's no partner. I stick by the rest of what I said though

Dyingforchocolate · 01/03/2019 19:43

Sorry op but I agree with pp, you must be utterly exhausted and that's terrible, but this is your best friends wedding and I honestly think you'll look back and regret it if you don't go. I hope you can enjoy yourself when you are there x

Firstworddinosaur · 01/03/2019 19:43

I really feel for you OP. My 1st DS rarely slept for more than an hour at a time in those first few months and I was a zombie. But I really think you'll regret not going to the wedding. Get any help you possibly can tomorrow and do your best, even if you only make the ceremony. Good luck Flowers

artemisdubois · 01/03/2019 19:44

I think you should power through - hopefully you'll find yourself swept up in the excitement of the day and have a good (or at least bearable) time. I think it would be slightly less bad to pull out if you were one of many bridesmaids, but you're not, and your absence would definitely be felt.

I really sympathise, though. I don't think you sound selfish, by the way - you sound exhausted and like you've hit your limit with it.

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